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How do I deal with my friends finding out I self harm? I don't want my parents to know but I know I should ask for help. Bryan  Hi Bryan!
Self-harm is a tricky subject and I'm glad you've been able to come forward about it. I understand it's a coping mechanism but what's important is your last statement: That you know you need help. Acknowledging this is often so tricky and i am genuinely so pleased you've been able to do this. Now regarding your friends, are they close? If you are super good friends with them, chances are they just want to know what's going on so that they can support you to the best of their abilities. You only have to tell them as much as you feel comfortable doing so, but maybe just let them know how they could support you in times of crisis etc etc. In regards to your parents finding out, why don't you want them to know? Are you sure they won't support you? If the answer is 100% yes and you're over 16, in the UK, why not speak to your friends who could maybe take you to a teacher and get help that way? Or head to your GP and explain everything that's going on. Your parents don't need to be made aware if it's through your doctor! You have a right to confidentiality but you also have a right to get help, because you deserve it. Good luck and look after yourself. You are worth so much more than the ways you hurt yourself x Rebecca x
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Unsupportive parents Rory  Hey Rory!
I'm sorry your parents are unsupportive in any regards. It sucks when you can't find comfort/support at home. Since you haven't really specified your question I'm not quite sure which part of non-supportive family you'd like advice on. However, coming from a background myself where parents didn't want to help me out with anything I'll drop a few tips below. A lot of the time your parents or a parent still loves you. They just dont know how to show it. Similarly, dont value your worth on how much you parents seem to value you. When you dont get support at home, you often need to turn elsewhere Academically, speak to your teachers. If you're comfortable explain your situation and they will often provide extra support (Lunchtime, Emails, Extra work etc etc). Also speak to your Guidance/Pastoral teacher if you are comfortable as they can often make deadline exceptions etc if you are really struggling. If your parents are getting in the way of you going to things like college or university the key is to speak to as many resources as possible. Often there will be bursaries and scholarships available you should look at. You can also get general funding depending on your course/country. At the end of the day though, if its finance thats the problem, you just have to get a job. I know it sucks at a younger age when all your friends go out and you have to work to support yourself but it's worth it in the long run and its the reality. If its emotionally, rely on your friends. Explain your situation and let them be there for you. Make friends in loads of areas so you have a lot of people to just chat to when you feel isolated. Join clubs, societies, volunteering etc etc. If its with your sexuality, this is a hard one. You are valuable and you are allowed to feel however you do. Sometimes your parents may change their minds and come round to your way of thinking. Other times they wont but that doesn't decrease your worth, Its difficult to accept that your parents don't accept a part of you but again, focus on your friends, teachers, tutors, work colleagues, youth workers and you will learn to live with it. Same with mental health. You have to just be more independent and do things on your own. Go to the GP. Get the help. Don't let your parents get in the way. Overall, just learn to have confidence in yourself and love yourself. Build strong relationships with those around you and you never know, one day your parents may change! Sorry this is super long but you didn't specify!!! Rebecca My friend is extremely homophobic... but towards himself. He doesn't have an issue with anyone else being gay, he openly supports it, but he can't tolerate himself. What do I do? Sam  I'm sorry to hear your friend is struggling to accept his sexuality. Sometimes the process of figuring out your sexuality can be difficult, and for many it may take a while for them to accept themselves. Although everyone should feel confident and happy with their sexuality, sometimes people feel worried they'll be judged or face bad reactions from people around them, so as a result they may associate these negative feelings with their sexuality. I think the best thing may be that you talk to him in a place he feels safe. Ask him about how he's feeling, if there's any reason why he's struggling with coming to terms with his sexuality, and perhaps suggesting ways he may be able to help himself. For example, he may find it beneficial to talk to a counsellor or a support group about his feelings. Make sure you're being supportive, and if he's uncomfortable talking about anything then try not to push him on it, as it may be hard for him to talk about certain things. You sound like a very supportive friend, I hope you and your friend manage to have a good chat and figure some things out.
Emmy x |
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