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Hi, I'm emailing you because I'm not really sure what to do about my situation. I am 14 now and for as long as I can remember there have been many issues with myself and my parents. While my dad and I are fairly close, my mom has emotionally abused me for as long as I can remember, when I was younger she would yell at me almost everyday for random things and I never understood why so I started to become more and more depressed to the point where I would occasionally consider suicide. When I was around eleven it started getting worse, ever since then I can't express any of my likes or dislikes to my mom because as soon as she sees I like something she tries to take it from me. For example, I can't listen to music with her around. Like any music, not even classical which I love. I don't have religious freedom either, she is a very conservative Christian and she hates that I don't like to do certain religious activities with her, which I don't like because they make me uncomfortable and she always gets angry with me if I don't do exactly what she says. I converted to Judaism last year and I'm very happy with my choice, but I know if she found out I'm honestly scared of what she would do to me. She wants me to be exactly like her in everything, even in my relationships. She doesn't like that I don't want to have children(she did), she doesn't like that I'm accepting of people(she says very unkind things about people), she doesn't like that I want to go into the marines and let's me know regularly(she had dropped out of the Air Force and doesn't like that the American military is "too liberal for her"), and she doesn't like that I like to see my friends a lot and show them physical affection at times(she's very anti social). She is convinced me and my best friend are gay together simply because I sit close to her and now I'm afraid for my friends safety so I can't even hug her around my mom out of fear of what she would do to her or myself. I don't care that she thinks I'm either a lesbian or trans, which is because of stereotyping(I have a pixie cut and am fairly "masculine" in my personality and appearance choices), I'm just afraid of what she would do to me or my friends because even though I've told her before I'm not gay, and I'm not, she doesn't believe me as usual and she's such a homophobic individual that I'm afraid of what her actions towards me might be in the future. Then there's her and my dad. She never wears her wedding band, they fight any time they talk for more than five minutes, they don't sleep in the same room, and I hardly ever see them show any type of affection. She keeps secrets all the time from both of us, there's a refrigerator in the garage that she threatens us both not to open and she'll never tell me much about the years before, around, and after I was born. I've asked my dad about it but he won't tell me anything, I have this memory in my head about being around 3 and welcoming my mom home at a hospital. I think it was actually a mental hospital and I just didn't know at the time, and it makes sense because all my dad told me is that my mom lied to someone and I had to stay with my aunt for a month as a result, and that he "caught her doing weird stuff". I'm not surprised, my mom changes personalities frequently and her mom had abused her and her siblings as children even though she refuses to believe it. I'm so tired of my mom always being angry with me and caring more about the family dog than me, it seems. But the thing is, sometimes she's nice, really nice. She'll be nice for days on end and then all of a sudden she'll go back to hating my existence. It's so confusing and I don't know what to do. I almost killed myself four times last year alone because of things she said to me and made me do. I had to tattoo something special to me into my thigh to get myself to stop cutting(it worked, I'm seven months clean) and now I'm afraid of what will happen if she ends up seeing my thigh someday. It sounds stupid but it was all I knew to do at the time, when I was eleven I had told my mom how I was and she told me to my face she didn't want me to have help so I've only been able to use the Internet to try to help myself, which makes me upset because I always see everywhere how people hate self-diagnosed individuals, but I don't know what else to do, I can't see a therapist. I tried to tell my physician about this without my mom knowing but it didn't work and that was my last chance of help. The only adults I know that could help me are all related to my mom so I think they would defend her. There is one though that has asked me before to tell her what was wrong because she could tell I was upset and she doesn't know my mom and hasn't been deceived by her, I want to talk to her about this because she used to work with troubled kids anyways, but I'm too scared. I don't want to be around my mom anymore but I'm too young to be emancipated and I don't want to leave my state, NC, because of my best friend(she also has family issues and I have to be there for her). And that's why I'm writing, I just don't know what to do anymore. I know it was a long read, I'm really sorry.. Lotus (Name changed for confidentiality reasons) Hey Lotus, due to this being such a big, exact piece myself (Emily) and Ali will both be giving you advice. - Emily Your situation is a lot like mine. My dad is very against me. He is actually disowning me. I think you need to sit her down and talk to her. Make sure your dad is in the room as well as you both just in case anything happens. Also you mentioned that she wouldn't talk about any time around or before you were born. Maybe she was effected in some way and she wants to forget it. It sounds like you have an extremely strict mother and also I think she may just want to protect you. I recommend you read through some of our mental health articles to find out more about what illness you could have. You mentioned your mum didn't want to help get help, try asking school. They can hook you up with counseling and get you someone to talk to. I don't know about other schools, but the ones in my area are allowed to prescribe you tablets and pills that you can then pick up from the chemist. It's worth asking. The tattoo was a great idea and I am so proud of you for being 7 months clean. Maybe when your mum is in her good mood is when you should talk to her. The suicide should be spoken about and you shouldn't 'suffer in silence'! I know it sounds cheesy but honestly, it's true. Don't ever give up on what you believe in either! It's important to stay true to the religion you chose. I'm not religious myself but I know it's important. I hope I helped and if you need any more help please DM me. My Instagram is @alicianewns_ {alicia🌸} Lotus, i honestly feel, for your safety and your future, you should tell someone about this, even if it's child-line over a anonymous chat on their online chat space. It may be scary but it really is what is best for you, you should be able to be you and to be happy! As for the apology in the end, never apologize for asking for help, this could be a 12 page essay and we would still read it, we are here to help you! I also understand you don't want to leave because of your friend, but if it gets too much you need to put yourself first, you are the most important thing you have! - Emily
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I'm 16 and just finished my GCSE exams and i'm feeling really depressed and useless. I have no friends or social life. I can't find a part time job. I'm too socially anxious to join any club or summer course. I've become so introverted I can't even bring myself to face the outside world but at the same time I feel trapped inside as life passes me by and everyone else my age are experiencing things like working and dating etc. I've not even started college yet and I already feel like I've failed at life. On top of this my self-esteem is so low and I really hate so much about myself and this also holds me back from socializing. I don't know what to do. I have all this free time and all it's giving me is time alone with my thoughts and self pity and doubt. I really don't know who to ask for help so I hope you can give me some advice. Anon Hello, my name is Naomi.
I felt the same way when I first finished school, you are definitely not alone. You are not failing at life or anything of the sort! I believe you are going through a state of an existential crisis mixed with depression. This is not something you should be ashamed of but I definitely thing you should speak with your doctor or parents. However, since you are 16, you can go to the doctors alone and asking as you tell them you want the information you give them to be confidential then they will not tell your parents if that is something you are worried about. They will be able to refer you to a mental health team who will speak with you and decide on the best course of treatment for you. This is something that will definitely help you to improve your mental health! Please don't keep your feelings and thoughts to yourself as they can begin to fester resulting in your mental health getting worse in which will affect you everyday life more than it may already do. You said that you don't have any friends, well college is a great opportunity to make friends. It may be scary and unnerving at first but if you start by smiling at them and then making small talk until you find something in common that you both talk about and bond over. College is nothing like school and everyone is so much nicer! You don't need a part time job at this age but if you are really set on having one then I suggest that you try making things and selling them on Etsy or ask around for babysitting jobs. They are both relatively easy things to do but you can get quite a bit of money from them. You could also try dog walking. It's very hard to do things when your self esteem is low but I recommend trying to focus more on the thing/s you do like about yourself or that you can do. You can do this by writing a list of the things you may like about yourself and then every morning, looking in the mirror and complimenting yourself on those things. You could also try to find the positive side of the negative feelings you have towards yourself. This will take some time but please don't give up! You don't have to rush into things and force yourself to be social but you can try taking things slow. You could try going for a short walk, messaging people on Facebook and then slowly progress by smiling at people on your walks. Then you can try waving at people. Then you can try to make small talk with people at college. Then you can begin to express yourself a little until you feel comfortable with the people in your class. It's all about doing things at a pace your a comfortable with! You sound like a lovely person and I'm so proud of you for asking us for help. I recommend that next you speak with a doctor. I hope this helped. Naomi x I am 14 , turning 15 in September. I am starting my freshman year of high school in august and I'm really nervous . Why I am asking for help/ advice is because I don't feel like I have any friends and starting high school without friends sounds horrible. I used to have friends but we grew distant over the beginning of summer and now I feel like I don't have anyone and I really don't. I'm good at making friends and I usually have a lot . I'm a really friendly and outgoing person so making friends isn't a problem . what I'm really asking for advice on is , how do I survive my first week(s) of highschool without close friends ? I also need tips on how to stay positive while going through this phase of not having friends . I'm usually a very happy person and outgoing as previously mentioned but sometimes when I think of not having friends and I see my usual classmates / former friends posting fun pictures with their friends on social media , I get bummed and sad because I used to have that but now I'm lonely and feel left out from just everyone . If you can please , give me all the advice you can because I really need it . Anon Hello Anon! When I started high school i was so scared and excited at the same time, as someone who was bullied throughout my last school and my best friend drifting away from me, I was so nervous, I though i would be alone and I didn't know what to do. With only me, my 'best friend' and two other girls going there i knew i was going to have to make friends. I was right about my best friend leaving me, but that didn't matter because so many people had no-one from their last school and I promise you, you will meet someone, everyone is in the same boat. You are not alone. Plus you will most probably meet someone to call your best friend throughout high school. As for keeping positive, I know how you feel sometimes i feel like i have no friends, when in reality i do, but whenever i go through these phases i do a few things to keep myself positive. Things i do are:
I hope this helped, I'm not really the best writer, that is why i stick to behind the scenes work, I hope high school turns out alright, and I hope you make some friends! Emily <3 Sent in VIA email
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