I've been wanting to come out to my mom and dad and stepparents but u can't find the courage to or I just forget. I know my mom would accept it but I don't know about my dad. I'm Pansexual and transgender so it's hard for me to say it when they've known me for 15 years as their straight CIS daughter. Any advice on how I should come out without having to face them or how to build the courage to face them?
Hello! So I have quite a few trans friends, and every time they have asked this question I have always said to write a letter to them explaining everything. Do this whilst you are at a friends sleeping over, or out for the day so when they find it they can read it and think about it whilst you are gone instead of hearing it and reacting straight away. If they react like that they won't have time to think, so a letter has always been the best choice.
Good luck, locket x
Sent in VIA contact form
Hey, I really don't why I get panic attacks.
Can you please explain them?
Hi, It s perfectly natural to not know where your panic attacks come from.
They can arise from a variety of different situations, individual to each person. The scientific reason is that if your body under goes lots of physical or mental strain a panic attack can happen. So for example, if you are put in a situation that makes you terrified or extremely anxious, your brain can't cope with all the signals it's receiving and triggers a panic attack.
It might be worth keeping a diary of everytime you have a panic attack and what happened just before it. This way you will be able to identify possible triggers for your panic attacks. Once you know what triggers them you can work on creating coping mechanisms.
- Christian x
Sent in VIA TWE chat box
Okay so I came out as transgender (ftm) to my friends about 9 months ago and to my mum about 7 months ago. All of my friends have been really supportive of me and always try their best to get my pronouns and name right - even my teachers try their best as well and are supportive of it all. Anyway, recently my mum has started to turn against it all and has started calling me by my old name and using female pronouns, she doesn't like it when my friends or teachers use male pronouns/name either and she says that she's never going to call me Caspar or help me change it through deed poll. My younger sister (she's 14 and I'm 15) told me the other day that she doesn't like it all and that I'm just attention seeking and she won't support me in the future with it and my mum agreed with her. Not only this, but I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about a year ago now, but my mum hasn't helped me to get any counselling for it and I've had to cope with it by myself, although she got my sister counselling when she was diagnosed with it less than a year ago. However, my younger sister overdosed on pills the other day and texted my mum to tell her (so I'm not sure if she's actually suicidal or not as if you wanted to kill yourself, you wouldn't ask someone to take you to the hospital minutes after overdosing, but there you go). Now she's out and fine but the main thing that I needed help with is the fact that my depression has gotten so bad, especially since I haven't gotten any help for it and my family are disowning me. I've had so many suicidal thoughts recently and even started to self harm as it had gotten that bad. I don't want to tell my mum how bad my depression is as she'll probably think that I'm attention seeking and just trying to copy my sister, but I'm really not and it really has gotten so bad that I've already written out my suicide note. I don't know what to do because I'm so done with life and everything and feel as though it's better if I end it than continuing to suffer. Yet I don't want to make my friends go through it all, especially because my best friend is also depressed but her mum said that since I've come into her life she's been much happier and doesn't self harm as much. I feel like killing myself is the better option for me, but I don't think that my friends, especially my best friend, will be able to cope through that - especially because we've got out GCSEs this year. I don't know what to do and I know that you aren't professional counsellors, but any advice would be appreciated in this situation. Thank you and I'm sorry that I made you read an essay but I needed to tell someone as I haven't told anybody about how bad my depression is currently.
Hello Casper! I don't mind the essay at all! Now the recent events of your family disowning you and doing things against your will- even stopping you from getting the professional help you need- all leads to a form of mental abuse. My advice to you is to tell a teacher what they are doing, especially a teacher you trust, as they have the resources and mind set to help you. Your friends will be supportive, but in this situation won't be able to change anything.
With the self harm research the butterfly project, as it helped me to get away from self harm. You have the correct mindset in not commuting suicide because of your friends, but its also for you. It may be easier now, but you are cutting away a huge future, you could even be the person who accidentally stumbles across the cure for cancer! You are very important to the world, do you need to think about your future too- what are you going to miss? A lot!
Please take this all into consideration, and really try to tell a teacher or someone of authority. It will hurt you more over time if they don't stop and no one knows about it.
Good luck, locket
Sent in VIA contact form
I think I am gay, but I am not sure. I think I like girls but I have never been in a relationship with on. How do I find out what my sexuality is?
Hi there! I too was/am really confused about my sexuality, and identified as straight for my full life until this year! Where I thought I was bi, only too have second thoughts. Sexualities are so confusing, but it's important not to rely on a label snd just be comfortable with you! There is plenty of time to experiment with different people and find out who you are attracted to, you really can't rush these things! You could watch some youtube videos or blog posts about people coming out snd seeing how they realised they were bi/gay, and it might relate to you! Please don't stress about it too much, you will find out when the time is right! Ebony
Sent in VIA Ask.FM
I want to come out as pansexual to my mom, but I'm not sure how to go about doing it. I don't think she will understand. Got any advice?
Hello there! Two of our writers who identify as pansexual have some advice for you! - Emily
First make sure it's safe to come out, try to gage your mum's feelings towards the LGBT+ community; once you're sure it's safe, maybe try coming out in an off handish way, I told my dad just in passing. There are a million different ways to come out from sending them relentless memes about how you're attracted to frying pans to sitting them down and talking them through it. However you decide to do it just remember to be open with them and answer their questions, if there are any, the best you can. Stay safe and stay positive - Kaya
Hello! Coming out can be a stressful time, especially when you think someone won't understand. Before I came out as pansexual I went up to my mum and asked her about a few sexualities that she hadn't heard of and tried my best to explain them to her. At first she was confused, but then again a lot of people are. My advice would be to practice what you're going to say to them. Don't write a whole speech, but make sure you know what you're going to say and be prepared to explain what pansexual means. Give them some time to accept the information, this doesn't necessarily mean they won't be fine with it, but most parents need some time to think about these things. Good luck! -Riley
Sent in via Ask.FM
Hello, my name is Olivia and I need some help.I am 16 and I have no friends. I have friends in my college but they always ignore me and I don't know I feel so alone, they always ignore me. I just want someone to like me and actually be my friend, it sucks. I have also been feeling down lately, like all the time i feel down and I feel happy when others are around but that's not like real happy, its fake happy as a defense mechanism. It has been really, really bad since I came back from a holiday with my auntie. I was so sad to leave and come home. It really doesn't help my sister is an ASS. Can I just have some advice please? Thanks, Olivia!
ps. I really like your website, it has really helped me and my cousin Nicki!xxo
Hey Olivia I'm Jack.
As someone who has just finished my first year of college and found it hard getting along with my class mates, to the point where I tried to help and get involved but they wouldn't care and would just ignore me. They would never invite me to the college party's they planned, even when they planned them in front of me.
But I found great people in the collage who studied different courses and I found that I got along with them, a couple I already knew from outside of collage. Many of my friends from high school went to a different college but we try talk all the time.
The best way to get stop your friends from ignoring you is talk to them maybe make a group chat and ask why they do. For example, try and find new friends with similar interests. I know this may be difficult but you can get through this. If you ever need extra advice you can always message TWE again.
Anyways good luck hope this helped a bit.
Sent in via email
We choose the most suited member of TWE to answer your questions!