Catching feelings

My name is Diana, I’ve been getting closer with my friend Parmeda and Tanya and Orla. However I caught feelings for Parmeda. I didn’t want to tell her because I didn’t know her sexuality and I didn’t want to risk our friendship. I ended up telling one of my other friends Zen because I busted didn’t want to bottle it up but now I regret it because Zen went and told Mary, my ex who told Tanya who told Parmeda. Tanya came up to me on her own and told me that Parmeda knew and asked me if it was true. I said yes. So then I was upset. Because I wasn’t ready for anyone to know, my friends. But it was too late. It’s been two days since ppl found out and Parmeda said she needs time to think. To me it was clear that she was stressed. So I made a plan. I told Parmeda today that I didn’t actually like her and that I was just confused. The first thing she said and can I just mention that she said it *immediately* was ‘Thank God!’ I got the message. She looked so relieved and honestly that really upset me but I didn’t show it we then went to go tell Tanya and Orla about it. Also today Tanya looked super upset and angry and she told Parmeda earlier that it was about this whole situation. I didn’t understand why she was affected that much so I asked her. She started crying and was saying how when we have a problem it affects her too because she gets dragged into it. I honestly got a bit annoyed by that because I didn’t drag her in it she involved herself she decided to tell Parmeda that I liked her which started the whole situation. But ok. I had to leave because I have an appointment. But yeah I need some advice with what to do about this. I’m sorry that it’s long but I felt that you needed to know everything h from the start to understand it. Anyways thank you to whoever reads it. I hope u can help me.
​Diana

Hi Diana. I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. Being outed in any way by your friends sucks, and it can be really difficult to recover from.

Personally, I would have a conversation with your friend Tanya about how it was unfair to you for her to do that behind your back, and how that made you feel. If Tanya was a true friend, she would apologise and understand how those actions can affect other people.

I also think you should come clean to Parmeda if you feel comfortable enough, as lying and hiding things from your friends could cause more issues later down the line. Again, if Parmeda was a true friend, she would understand your feelings and if she didn't feel the same way, she wouldn't let that affect your friendship. I think that her saying 'Oh Thank God' wasn't meant to be malicious, perhaps she was worried about how it would affecr your friendship?

Please talk to your friends! Communication is the most important thing in any relationship or friendship, and if you can't talk about how you feel, then there won't be any trust! I hope this helps somewhat. -Kaitlyn