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heyy so I am a little and i would love some advice on "coming out" as one to people around me. Hiya! I'm also a little and so I understand the difficulty with wanting to come out but being afraid of backlash. It can be hard and anxiety-inducing, but it's important to remember that you don't owe anyone a "coming out". It's completely yours and your choice of who, when, and where you come out. Make sure, though, that if/when you come out, you are doing so in a safe setting with safe people. You can never 100% know who would react well to things or who wouldn't, so make sure to maximize safety and positivity in all the controllable aspects. You are special, loved, and important. <3
Merc
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I'm just a ninth grader but I think I'm aromantic. Most of my peers are getting fictional and celebrity crushes, and I don't even have that. I'm not interested in dating, but I think I'm too young. hey there! I can totally understand how difficult it can be to figure your orientation out. When coming out and discussing about my sexuality and gender with my mom, she gave me an advice to take time and get to know myself better. I don't need to wake up the next morning having my whole identity figured out, I have all my life to know who I am and you have too. Learning about yourself comes with time, try doing things that gets you connected to yourself. Journaling, self care things like massage, maintaining a photo album or dairy etc are some things you can try. Remember that: you don't need to be sorted all in one go, figuring things out is a process and its a beautiful one I must say. I love looking back at the day I was trying to figure my sexuality out and fearing the whole coming out things, they have taught me so much and I love embracing them. Just go with the flow and you know where we are at if it keeps bothering you!
Yara Hi! I would like some advice on something. Basically in these past few months, I've been really struggling with overthinking, to the point that I nearly overthink about anything I do. I do want to speak to people I'm comfortable with but then I feel like I'm a burden which honestly just makes me more worried. Is there any advice that you could give me to help deal with these in a more healthier way? Hey there!
I have GAD and also struggled a lot with overthinking - especially when I was on a medication that made my anxiety worse. One thing I found while trying to deal with it myself was that a lot of CBT exercises have you challenge the content of the thought, it seems to skirt around the source of it. I've found for me that CBT exercises like reframing still help in this more general context. When I catch myself overthinking, I try to figure out 1) some underlying "need" for the anxiety (perfection? fear of x? protection?) and 2) if the anxiety will help me. If not, I tell myself "thank you anxiety for trying to ______, I release you." It is one of those things that may not work at first, but slowly you should find that these thoughts that challenge your anxiety directly become a bit more automatic. Also, I suggest getting professional help. Sometimes, it takes a trained professional to help you reframe your thoughts and sort through your anxiety. I hope everything goes well! Chandler/Ina Lately I've been wondering a ton about my gender identity. I've narrowed it down to either non binary, or trans ftm. The label hasn't been very important to me lately - I've been more worried about my name. I cannot find a name that I feel a connection to. I've never felt connected to my birth name, but so far none of the names I've tried seem right either. Do I not have a name?? Am I just crazy?? I can totally relate with what you are going through. I struggled to figure out my gender identity and I don't connect with my birthname or 'Yara' anymore (not connecting with Yara sorta makes me feel awful at times). I feel like this whole process of choosing name, using it and discarding is a part of growth and a way of embracing yourself. It is difficult and can leave you frustrated and confused but you will get there! You are not crazy or nameless! You can always try finding a name you like and asking your friends or trusted people to experiment with! good luck
I’m trying to start some good habits but I’m really struggling to stick with them. A lot of advice on how to form habits says repetition is key, but don’t give much detail on how to ensure I keep the habits in my life. Any tips? I totally understand where you’re at! One of my biggest bad habits that I needed to change into a good habit, only really impacted me when I walked onto a stage to make a speech! As I realize that I need to change my habits and turn them into good habits, I like to try to remember them during my daily routine, kinda like checkpoints. Try associating the changing of habits with certain daily tasks. If you have difficulty remembering to do the said habit, set up reminders on your phone or ask a friend to remind you. My sister does a great job of reminding me to change my habits. I hope this helps!
-Jade Hi! I need some advice about internships. For American high school students, what websites are good for finding internships? How can I reach out to find medical internships for high school students? I don’t mind if they’re unpaid; I just want to get some experience. Thanks, Looking for Internships Hello there!
Great question. You have a better chance at directly reaching out to organizations. If you're interested in interning at local hospitals, for example, check out their websites to see whether they're currently accepting internship applications. You can even email or call them to ask them questions about their program. In addition, take a look at their application deadlines. Sometimes they only accept applications several months earlier so if you want to intern in the summer, you may have to apply by January or March. Another option is to volunteer at hospitals/clinics/hospices/etc. since some places only accept university students for internships. You can also ask your school counsellor to recommend you any available ones. As for websites, some people have had luck on Indeed.com, Glassdoor and Internships.com. If there's a chance you can attend a local career fair, then that's another option, too! If you're mainly interested in getting ahead in your academic career, an alternative to internships is to take community college courses to tackle some general education classes early. Good luck!! Heidy Trigger Warning - Suicidal Thoughts and Tendencies Hi, so I’ve been feeling really suicidal lately and it’s got to the point where even talking to my girlfriend isn’t helping, I spoke to my GP about it and was basically told not to worry about it, and that it would pass, it’s been two weeks since then and I’m still feeling suicidal and it’s getting harder for me not to do anything, what do I do? Hey there. First of all I want to say that if you do feel suicidal and like you’ll do something harmful please please call 999 (or the emergency services wherever you’re from), they will be able to give you more immediate crisis help than your GP. From my own experience, GP’s are pretty reluctant to refer anyone to mental health services because of how many people need them, so my main piece of advice is keep going back. Keep asking and persist that you aren’t feeling any better and you need help. Maybe look to see if there are any local charities that offer counselling or therapy for free in the meantime, places like YPAS in Liverpool where I’m from really really helped me, and most cities have some sort of service like that. You can always look at our articles on suicidal thoughts, but I understand that sometimes you may just want a fix to the problem rather than to just read about it. I’m sending all my love for what it’s worth, you have a purpose in this life, things really do get better and I’d hate to know you didn’t make it to tomorrow.
Kaitlyn My name is Diana, I’ve been getting closer with my friend Parmeda and Tanya and Orla. However I caught feelings for Parmeda. I didn’t want to tell her because I didn’t know her sexuality and I didn’t want to risk our friendship. I ended up telling one of my other friends Zen because I busted didn’t want to bottle it up but now I regret it because Zen went and told Mary, my ex who told Tanya who told Parmeda. Tanya came up to me on her own and told me that Parmeda knew and asked me if it was true. I said yes. So then I was upset. Because I wasn’t ready for anyone to know, my friends. But it was too late. It’s been two days since ppl found out and Parmeda said she needs time to think. To me it was clear that she was stressed. So I made a plan. I told Parmeda today that I didn’t actually like her and that I was just confused. The first thing she said and can I just mention that she said it *immediately* was ‘Thank God!’ I got the message. She looked so relieved and honestly that really upset me but I didn’t show it we then went to go tell Tanya and Orla about it. Also today Tanya looked super upset and angry and she told Parmeda earlier that it was about this whole situation. I didn’t understand why she was affected that much so I asked her. She started crying and was saying how when we have a problem it affects her too because she gets dragged into it. I honestly got a bit annoyed by that because I didn’t drag her in it she involved herself she decided to tell Parmeda that I liked her which started the whole situation. But ok. I had to leave because I have an appointment. But yeah I need some advice with what to do about this. I’m sorry that it’s long but I felt that you needed to know everything h from the start to understand it. Anyways thank you to whoever reads it. I hope u can help me. Diana Hi Diana. I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. Being outed in any way by your friends sucks, and it can be really difficult to recover from.
Personally, I would have a conversation with your friend Tanya about how it was unfair to you for her to do that behind your back, and how that made you feel. If Tanya was a true friend, she would apologise and understand how those actions can affect other people. I also think you should come clean to Parmeda if you feel comfortable enough, as lying and hiding things from your friends could cause more issues later down the line. Again, if Parmeda was a true friend, she would understand your feelings and if she didn't feel the same way, she wouldn't let that affect your friendship. I think that her saying 'Oh Thank God' wasn't meant to be malicious, perhaps she was worried about how it would affecr your friendship? Please talk to your friends! Communication is the most important thing in any relationship or friendship, and if you can't talk about how you feel, then there won't be any trust! I hope this helps somewhat. -Kaitlyn I've gotten to be quite good at giving advice for situations concerning mental health (i’m obviously not a professional it’s just I've had a lot of time with no support just my own thoughts and as much as they haven’t gotten better I've started understanding them from a deeper almost psychological point of view and I've gotten to be very understanding and sympathetic and good at advice even things i haven’t personally dealt with) but my friend is in a similar situation to me and i don’t know what she could use as a healthier coping mechanism. she seeks validation from romantic partners and we spoke about it and she explained why she did it and i said it would be worth finding something else that gives you validation (i have no problem with people having lots of relationships it’s just that she’s explained she does it because she doesn’t feel worthy and wants to feel worth from someone else but then she said it was getting exhausting constantly looking for someone to leech off for a while) but then she asked what kind of things she could do to get validation and i made some bland not that useful suggestions but told her overall i didn’t really know as I've never been in that situation and i’m in no way trying to be a “counsellor” or trying to cure her of her mental illnesses but she is willing to try new coping mechanisms and i want to be there for her and try to help ya know (also i came off this website for a while and now I've come back it’s looking great well done to everyone on the team) Harriet Hey Harriet! Thank you for reaching out to us! The one coping mechanism that helps me is when I draw out what's going through my mind. I find it can help relieve the stress but also when you can come back to it and add things to it, making it your own create work of art.
I found this article that might help with your friend too; https://thoughtcatalog.com/alexis-dizenzo/2016/08/how-to-deal-with-your-love-addiction/ Let me know if this helps! Also, thank you for your positive comment! We've gained so many new members over the past few months! - Mel Hi I'm struggling with controlling my anger and it's hard to stop when I'm angry so I was just wondering for any advise Jack Hi Jack,
I find a good way to cope with anger is to put it into doing something productive. When I'm angry it sometimes helps to do some exercise and just let out any built up tension. And, if you have a punch bag (like the ones they use in boxing) it is aleays fun to let your frustation out onto that. Like a Rocky training montage!! Hope this helps and all the best, Josh I’ve literally been crying ever night, (stressing, overthinking etc) about my sexuality. It’s so hard for me to determine. I currently have a boyfriend. But I’ve had so many feelings for girls. I just don’t know what to do. I was solidified on being bisexual. But I’m now realizing something isn’t right. I need advice. :(( Corina Hey I'm Mel, I'm a member of TWE! With accepting yourself that's a huge step so well done for that not may people can! But with your boyfriend does he know about you being bisexual? If not then I think you should sit him down to talk about it. But this will determinate if he truly supports & loves you or who you are.
But the other side of this is, are you happy with being in a relationship with a boy? I have been through this exact same thing so you're not alone there! I've been seeing this girl for a few months, we have just been chatting and seeing movies, nothing serious has happened but last night I took her out and kissed her and it felt really wrong. I really liked this guy but now I can't stand the thought of her. What's going on? Hey I'm a member of TWE and I've been in a similar situation before.
I was really close friends with this guy and we even ended up dating, but something about it didn't seem right because I felt too uncomfortable to kiss him or do anything more than hold hands. I ended up breaking up with him because I realised that I actually liked him more as a close friend than anything else. So my advice would be to consider whether or not you feel you do like them as more than friends before you do anything else. This could be by writing lists of what you like about them, and what good things they can bring into your life too. Chloe I have a problem. I think I might be gay and I don't know how to tell my girlfriend... Timo Hi Timo, I want to start with telling you that you're not alone, thousand of people go through this so don't fret. I think the best thing you can do is be honest with her, tell her that you don't want any judgement and I'm confident she'll be behind you 100%. As she's your girlfriend she defiantly respects you and loves you for you, being gay isn't going to change that, after all, it's not something that you can help. I'm sure you know but being gay is okay and the whole TWE team will be behind you while you take this big step. Don't hesitate to reach out again if you'd like further help! :)
Cody hi, what should i do because i ‘like’ my friend’s boyfriend and i’m not really sure how I’m ‘supposed’ to feel or if its ‘wrong’ to feel like this. Please help if u can :) Ellie Hi Ellie! Thank you for contacting TWE.
You cannot help who you end up liking. It's a part of life that just happens. However, what you can help is whether you end up acting on it or not. I understand with him being in a relationship with your friend, it leaves you in a difficult position. While there isn't much you could do to act on it which he is in a relationship, you could talk to your friend about it. This might help you to express what's happening but also make her aware that you wouldn't act on it while they are together. Personally, I've never seen liking a friends ex as a bad thing, but I've never been in a situation where I've liked a friends boyfriend. It isn't a bad thing and it isn't wrong. As humans, we never really have a choice as to who we like in a romantic sense. It always just seems to happen. If you feel like you like him, then fair enough! There's nothing to say you cannot feel like this. It's normal in many senses. You can check out our relationship and friendship articles here, which may be able to provide some more help: https://teenagerswithexperience.weebly.com/relationship-articles.html https://teenagerswithexperience.weebly.com/friendship-articles.html Katie Lou Hi, so I’ve been feeling really suicidal lately and it’s got to the point where even talking to my girlfriend isn’t helping, I spoke to my GP about it and was basically told not to worry about it, and that it would pass, it’s been two weeks since then and I’m still feeling suicidal and it’s getting harder for me not to do anything, what do I do? Hey there. First of all I want to say that if you do feel suicidal and like you’ll do something harmful please please call 999 (or the emergency services wherever you’re from), they will be able to give you more immediate crisis help than your GP. From my own experience, GP’s are pretty reluctant to refer anyone to mental health services because of how many people need them, so my main piece of advice is keep going back. Keep asking and persist that you aren’t feeling any better and you need help. Maybe look to see if there are any local charities that offer counselling or therapy for free in the meantime, places like YPAS in Liverpool where I’m from really really helped me, and most cities have some sort of service like that. You can always look at our articles on suicidal thoughts, but I understand that sometimes you may just want a fix to the problem rather than to just read about it. I’m sending all my love for what it’s worth, you have a purpose in this life, things really do get better and I’d hate to know you didn’t make it to tomorrow.
Kaitlyn Hey, so it is a new year and everything and like it is really daunting facing some bullies that have been blaming me for everything and hurting my feelings to the point that I cry in my room every night. Is there some advice you can give me to handle these feelings of shame or even fear. Frances Hi Frances, first of all, I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening to you, no one should ever go through that and especially not alone. Have you talked to your teachers or parents? They should always be the first port of call when dealing with something like this if you feel comfortable doing so. I would also look at this website if you feel safe doing that (https://www.childline.org.uk/info-advice/bullying-abuse-safety/types-bullying/bullying/), there is some more professional advice on how to cope with different types of bullying. As for you feeling upset at night, try to distract yourself if you can! Look at pictures of cute dogs and cats, listen to some uplifting music and repeat positive mantras in your head. You should never ever feel ashamed of being bullied, this is absolutely not your fault, bullies can be nasty people who are usually just insecure themselves. Please, don't feel ashamed, there really is no reason to be. I hope this helps, Kaitlyn x
I was touched in an inappropriate place by a guy without my permission and it made me feel very violated and kind of like an object. I always go back to that moment and relive it sort of. I try to tell people how I feel it’s just that I always thought it counted as sexual assault and I feel like I shouldn’t talk about it because so many other people go through worse. What am I supposed to do? Anon Hi Anon,
What you went through is absolutely sexual assault and you definitely should talk about it. It doesn't matter what other people have gone through, your experience is still important and deserves to be spoken about. You don't necessarily have to report it to the police if you don't want to although it may help to stop them doing it to someone else if the police talk to him about it. Otherwise, you may find it easier and more appropriate to tell a friend or family member so they can support you through the flashbacks and the difficult moments. There are some articles on our website which may also help you if you need some more advice. Kenzie x Hello, I'm planning on getting intimate with my boyfriend but i've never been intimate with anyone before and i have a massive ""fear"" of looking at a penis, any advice on how i could overcome this to gain a sexual part in our relationship? Thanks Saryna x Hi Saryna, I’m sure everyone feels like this before their first intimate experience, I know I did. Maybe you could talk to your boyfriend about your fears and things that you’re nervous or worried about so he knows how you’re feeling. As long as you take it slow and are not pressured into doing anything that you don’t want to do so it’s consensual for you both. I hope this helps! Sarah x
My best friend started getting really mad at me for every little thing and now she has refused to talk to me or even look at me for 5 days and I don't know what to do. She never gets mad over anything usually now all she ever is, is mad and I miss my best friend. I need advice. Taylor Hi Taylor, thanks so much for contacting us. It sounds like you're going through a really hard time, whenever things go wrong in a friendship it can be difficult to deal with. If you haven't done anything to upset your friend and your friend is just getting mad at you, that sounds like an unhealthy friendship, so when the time is right and you feel able to, you might want to speak to her about the way she's made you feel.
You may also want to speak to her and ask her if anything is making her feel so unhappy at the moment. She may be unintentionally taking anger out on you, which isn't fair for you and isn't your fault, so you may want to ask her if anything has upset her recently. In the meantime, you might find it helpful to talk to other friends, school mates or family to help you through. Good luck. - Emmy How do you know if your asexual or just immature? Can you be asexual if you aren’t disgusted by the mention of sex, but would never think about that sort of situation in respect to yourself? (Sorry if any of that sounded offensive, I’m a little confused myself and your comments about your earlier confusion resonated with what I’m feeling). Kate Hi Kate! Thank you for contacting us. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or having a low interest in or desire for sexual activity. Asexuality does not necessarily have to be finding the idea of sexual activity disgusting, or being disgusted by it.
The first thing to consider is how you would react to being in a situation which involves sexual activity. If you think you would be totally uninterested or have no sexual attraction, then it is possible! It could be, however, that you simply do not like them enough to feel comfortable having sexual interactions with them. My best advice would be to see how you feel in different sexual activities and interactions. If you feel negatively towards them, it is possible you could be asexual, and it would be worth looking into it more! Another factor to consider is your age and maturity levels. If you're not of consenting age, that could be why you never think about the situation. Chances are you won't think about it unless you're of consenting age to it. I don't think maturity levels would determine whether or not you think of yourself in a sexual situation, however if you have quite a low maturity level it may explain why you could be immature when thinking about anything sexual. Good luck! I hope you work things out! Katie x Hey. Lately I’ve been having a lot of stress problems and I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice on how they dealt with stress? Brooklyn Hi Brooklyn! Thanks so much for sending us in a message. Stress is a natural part of life and it can actually sometimes be beneficial, as it allows us to realise when things need prioritising and resolving. However, stress can also really put a strain on our lives, and too much of it is unhealthy.
As someone who completely understands what it feels like to have a lot of stress, my top tip is that it's so important to make sure you make time for things you enjoy, and things that help you relax! Even carving out 30-60 minutes a day of you time will have a huge impact on how you feel, because it gives you the time to reflect on the day and calm down. Personally, I enjoy watching my favourite TV shows or reading a book during me time, but you can do whatever you like! My other important bit of advice would be to make sure you talk to people, if need be a professional. Keeping stress bottled up only adds to the stress, so it's so helpful to spend some time telling others how you feel. If you feel you need more than the support of friends and family, you can talk to your GP about counselling services by you. As well as this, it's sometimes helpful putting your stress into categories of things you can resolve and things you can't. For instance, if you're stressed about an essay you haven't written yet, you can take steps to resolving this (by doing your essay). If you're stressed about the fact your delivery hasn't arrived, there's not much you can do about that, so you can then work on asking yourself why you're so stressed and helping yourself calm down. I hope your stress starts to fade soon, and that these tips help you! - Emmy x How to deal with feeling fat? I've recently been feeling like I've gained weight, even though it's maybe only been a few pounds in a few years which is natural at this age. My jeans had to be bought from a size 8 to a size 10 but I don't know if that's me being silly. A size 8 fits but i was worried id got fat so bought a 10. my weight is low for my age but i just cant help feeling so insecure that I've gotten heavy and ugly and chubby and...it's really getting me down. Josie Hi Josie! Thanks for contacting us here at TWE. Many teenagers go through periods where they have low self esteem and body confidence, and it can be very difficult to deal with. As you've said, it's natural to put on a few pounds as you grow and get older, and fitting into a size 10 is nothing to be worried about!
I think it may be worth talking to somebody you trust, such as a family member or friend about the way you're feeling. They may be able to reassure you and help you see from a different perspective. You may also want to try writing down a list of all the things you like about your body, it should help you to feel more body confident! I would also encourage you to speak to a professional like your doctor. You said that your weight is low for your age, so I would imagine that this is a psychological issue where you're seeing your body as something it isn't! I think it may be beneficial to speak to a professional and see if they can help, they may be able to refer you to counselling or something similar. Good luck! - Emmy x i waited over a year to get help for my mh and i finally got a diagnosis today. i thought id be happy because id be able to see a therapist and start to figure out how to deal with what i was feeling, and i hoped people would take it seriously with a label, but now i just feel sad and confused. tips on getting a mental health diagnosis? how to tell people? Ruth Hey Ruth,
Thanks for contacting us. From personal experience I know getting a diagnosis is a touchy subject to talk about with your friends and family. Seeing a therapist is different for everyone. Understanding your mental health and diagnosis is so important though. The best way you can go about this is through your GP to then discuss how it will effect you daily etc and then tell people you're comfortable with knowing. Please don't feel sad! Confusion is completely natural and its a very different experience when you're finally diagnosed. Your mental health does not define you in any way. Remember we always have a member online on any of our social media platforms if you need further advice or help from us during this process. I hope you start to feel better about this. ~ Abi x Due to unforeseen circumstances, I think I’m pregnant. Due to my personal circumstances I cannot have a child but I don’t know what to do. I intended to have an abortion but that is so frowned upon and I’m scared it is being selfish (I suppose it could be?). I wouldn’t normally ask on such a public forum but I’ve spent weeks on Google which is filled with mixed answers, I can’t turn to family or friends because they’ll either judge me, get mad or tell me I have no option but to keep it. I don’t know what to do and I’m petrified. Thank you. Poppy Before making any definitive decisions, it's important to find out 100% whether or not you're pregnant. If you cannot afford a test, you can speak to the nurse at your college (if that is the circumstance you are in) or your doctor. Equally, you can find tests for super cheap at Poundland or the dollar store depending on where you are.
If you find out you are pregnant, only you can decide what happens, when it happens and how. If you are 100% certain you are not going to go through with birth etc, you can talk to your doctor about the abortion. I personally don't believe it would be selfish and as its your body and your choice but if you're struggling with guilt or doubt it can be overcome by talking to pro-choice groups or one of the counsellors offered pre/post the abortion process. The process itself is safe and generally quite simple and sometimes researching on the internet can lead to results that say otherwise. However, before it happens the doctor/nurse will talk through the process 100% and you have the choice to back out at anytime if you cannot do it. It's about deciding what you think is best and again, no one in your family should try to influence your decision as it is entirely up to you. Abortions are a very common thing in modern society and no one at the clinic will judge you or frown upon you. The most important person is you and you should put yourself before anything else in this situation. All the best, Jazz x I want to know how to get ready to come out to close friends. Ellie Hi Ellie! Thanks for getting in touch with us here at TWE!
I came out to my friends and family about a year or so ago and I understand how scary it can be and how hard it is to prepare, my main advice would just be to make sure you’re definitely ready, make sure you aren’t in any danger by coming out, for example if the person you are telling is homophobic you may be at a greater risk, plan how you want to come out (there are a few articles on this on the website) and make sure you can answer any questions people may ask you. I hope this helped you! ~Alex x |
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