My name is Diana, I’ve been getting closer with my friend Parmeda and Tanya and Orla. However I caught feelings for Parmeda. I didn’t want to tell her because I didn’t know her sexuality and I didn’t want to risk our friendship. I ended up telling one of my other friends Zen because I busted didn’t want to bottle it up but now I regret it because Zen went and told Mary, my ex who told Tanya who told Parmeda. Tanya came up to me on her own and told me that Parmeda knew and asked me if it was true. I said yes. So then I was upset. Because I wasn’t ready for anyone to know, my friends. But it was too late. It’s been two days since ppl found out and Parmeda said she needs time to think. To me it was clear that she was stressed. So I made a plan. I told Parmeda today that I didn’t actually like her and that I was just confused. The first thing she said and can I just mention that she said it *immediately* was ‘Thank God!’ I got the message. She looked so relieved and honestly that really upset me but I didn’t show it we then went to go tell Tanya and Orla about it. Also today Tanya looked super upset and angry and she told Parmeda earlier that it was about this whole situation. I didn’t understand why she was affected that much so I asked her. She started crying and was saying how when we have a problem it affects her too because she gets dragged into it. I honestly got a bit annoyed by that because I didn’t drag her in it she involved herself she decided to tell Parmeda that I liked her which started the whole situation. But ok. I had to leave because I have an appointment. But yeah I need some advice with what to do about this. I’m sorry that it’s long but I felt that you needed to know everything h from the start to understand it. Anyways thank you to whoever reads it. I hope u can help me.
Hi Diana. I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. Being outed in any way by your friends sucks, and it can be really difficult to recover from.
Personally, I would have a conversation with your friend Tanya about how it was unfair to you for her to do that behind your back, and how that made you feel. If Tanya was a true friend, she would apologise and understand how those actions can affect other people.
I also think you should come clean to Parmeda if you feel comfortable enough, as lying and hiding things from your friends could cause more issues later down the line. Again, if Parmeda was a true friend, she would understand your feelings and if she didn't feel the same way, she wouldn't let that affect your friendship. I think that her saying 'Oh Thank God' wasn't meant to be malicious, perhaps she was worried about how it would affecr your friendship?
Please talk to your friends! Communication is the most important thing in any relationship or friendship, and if you can't talk about how you feel, then there won't be any trust! I hope this helps somewhat. -Kaitlyn
I’ve literally been crying ever night, (stressing, overthinking etc) about my sexuality. It’s so hard for me to determine. I currently have a boyfriend. But I’ve had so many feelings for girls. I just don’t know what to do. I was solidified on being bisexual. But I’m now realizing something isn’t right. I need advice. :((
Hey I'm Mel, I'm a member of TWE! With accepting yourself that's a huge step so well done for that not may people can! But with your boyfriend does he know about you being bisexual? If not then I think you should sit him down to talk about it. But this will determinate if he truly supports & loves you or who you are.
But the other side of this is, are you happy with being in a relationship with a boy? I have been through this exact same thing so you're not alone there!
I've been seeing this girl for a few months, we have just been chatting and seeing movies, nothing serious has happened but last night I took her out and kissed her and it felt really wrong. I really liked this guy but now I can't stand the thought of her. What's going on?
Hey I'm a member of TWE and I've been in a similar situation before.
I was really close friends with this guy and we even ended up dating, but something about it didn't seem right because I felt too uncomfortable to kiss him or do anything more than hold hands. I ended up breaking up with him because I realised that I actually liked him more as a close friend than anything else.
So my advice would be to consider whether or not you feel you do like them as more than friends before you do anything else. This could be by writing lists of what you like about them, and what good things they can bring into your life too.
I have a problem. I think I might be gay and I don't know how to tell my girlfriend...
Hi Timo, I want to start with telling you that you're not alone, thousand of people go through this so don't fret. I think the best thing you can do is be honest with her, tell her that you don't want any judgement and I'm confident she'll be behind you 100%. As she's your girlfriend she defiantly respects you and loves you for you, being gay isn't going to change that, after all, it's not something that you can help. I'm sure you know but being gay is okay and the whole TWE team will be behind you while you take this big step. Don't hesitate to reach out again if you'd like further help! :)
How do you know you are asexual? I'm 16 and have never felt any attraction to anyone in that way but I don't know if it's because I have no attraction to the people I've met or if it is just the way I am.
With knowing that you're asexual, its all personal. Theres no set guidelines with being asexual, its different for every person. Its all personal, but if you believe you are then you may be :) - Elizabeth
You can find articles on asexual here. You can find 4 articles focused on Asexuality, feel free to contact us if you have any questions.- Emily
Sent in via chatbox
How do I stop being shy of being gay?
to help stop being shy about your sexuality, you first need to accept yourself as once you have accepted yourself fully you can conquer any feelings that come, no matter what they are. Never let others or even yourself mate you believe that you need to change who you are, no one just wakes up one morning thinking 'today I'm going to be gay,' it takes a lot of thinking and exploring to figure out who you are. It's easier for some than for others. When the time is right some people including myself decide to tell those closest to them, this doesn't necessarily include family. I found once I had told my closest friends I was more confident to show the true me and was initially less shy. You also should understand that you are no different to any straight person or person of any other sexuality. Find the source of what makes you shy and work with it after all it's more difficult to lose it than to work with it and to not let it affect you.
Sent in via chat box
Hey, so for roughly about a year now I've been questioning my sexuality and lately i've decided that I might be bisexual. I'm not completely sure on this but I do feel there is a great chance that I am. I feel attracted to boys but also for the past year I've felt similar feelings for girls but not completely. I'm so confused and if I am bisexual, I'm terrified of coming out, mainly for the reason that in my school being trans or bi is seen as "attention seeking" or people are just lying about it for "popularity and respect" also my family are strong christians. Any advice?
"First off I'd say that they shouldn't come out unless it's definitely safe, that they feel ready and feel as if it will only have a positive impact, and that also they shouldn't feel pressured to come to their parents just yet, maybe start off with their friends or someone who they know would certainly support them, because coming out to someone for the first time and being judged/mistreated etc on the first account is really awful. Also they shouldn't feel pressured into definitely labelling themselves as bisexual because labels may seem important but they aren't when it comes down to personal preferences, and as long as they know that they're not attention seeking/looking for popularity, then that is the main thing, because self-opinion/worth is more important than anyone else's opinion on yourself" - Jaz
"I understand your confusion as a bisexual myself, and I know why you are struggling to come to terms with the sexuality you may identify as. My advice to you would be: Experiment and ask your online friends or one of us (perhaps me?) on how they came out and how they feel about boys and girls and see if they match how you may feel, take time to make sure you are definitely bisexual before coming out. (You may be Pansexual and that is similar to Bisexuality). You have mentioned your parents and the only advice I have for you is try seeing how they feel about a bisexual celebrity? This would give you an idea on how they would react to you. Feel free to get in contact with me through TWE" - Ciara x
Sent in via contact form
I think I might be ftm transgender but i am confused about it and I been thinking about it for along time. What are the symptoms of being transgender?
First I don't wanna sound rude but the use of "symptoms" is transphobic as it implies being trans is an illness, understand that the writer probably didn't mean it but I think using "signs" would be a better alternative
And the signs can vary person to person but body dysphoria is common, dislike of the top half or bottom half or both. A disconnection to first name if it doesn't match the gender you prefer. If you like people using the opposite gender pronouns with you and dislike the pronouns matching your sex then that's another. And a strong discomfort on gender roles - as in if you're ftm you might really dislike "girly" things like makeup and dresses but enjoy "boyish" things like hoodies and jeans. But you don't necessarily have to fall under these signs, like you can get transgenders who have no dysphoria or still like their chosen name or like the gender role of their sex whilst still being trans.
In the end it's just all about how you feel inside. There's no rush to find a label
Sent in via email
Hey, I really don't why I get panic attacks.
Can you please explain them?
Hi, It s perfectly natural to not know where your panic attacks come from.
They can arise from a variety of different situations, individual to each person. The scientific reason is that if your body under goes lots of physical or mental strain a panic attack can happen. So for example, if you are put in a situation that makes you terrified or extremely anxious, your brain can't cope with all the signals it's receiving and triggers a panic attack.
It might be worth keeping a diary of everytime you have a panic attack and what happened just before it. This way you will be able to identify possible triggers for your panic attacks. Once you know what triggers them you can work on creating coping mechanisms.
- Christian x
Sent in VIA TWE chat box
I think I am gay, but I am not sure. I think I like girls but I have never been in a relationship with on. How do I find out what my sexuality is?
Hi there! I too was/am really confused about my sexuality, and identified as straight for my full life until this year! Where I thought I was bi, only too have second thoughts. Sexualities are so confusing, but it's important not to rely on a label snd just be comfortable with you! There is plenty of time to experiment with different people and find out who you are attracted to, you really can't rush these things! You could watch some youtube videos or blog posts about people coming out snd seeing how they realised they were bi/gay, and it might relate to you! Please don't stress about it too much, you will find out when the time is right! Ebony
Sent in VIA Ask.FM
Hello, my name is Olivia and I need some help.I am 16 and I have no friends. I have friends in my college but they always ignore me and I don't know I feel so alone, they always ignore me. I just want someone to like me and actually be my friend, it sucks. I have also been feeling down lately, like all the time i feel down and I feel happy when others are around but that's not like real happy, its fake happy as a defense mechanism. It has been really, really bad since I came back from a holiday with my auntie. I was so sad to leave and come home. It really doesn't help my sister is an ASS. Can I just have some advice please? Thanks, Olivia!
ps. I really like your website, it has really helped me and my cousin Nicki!xxo
Hey Olivia I'm Jack.
As someone who has just finished my first year of college and found it hard getting along with my class mates, to the point where I tried to help and get involved but they wouldn't care and would just ignore me. They would never invite me to the college party's they planned, even when they planned them in front of me.
But I found great people in the collage who studied different courses and I found that I got along with them, a couple I already knew from outside of collage. Many of my friends from high school went to a different college but we try talk all the time.
The best way to get stop your friends from ignoring you is talk to them maybe make a group chat and ask why they do. For example, try and find new friends with similar interests. I know this may be difficult but you can get through this. If you ever need extra advice you can always message TWE again.
Anyways good luck hope this helped a bit.
Sent in via email
I don't really know how to do this.
I can't talk about my feelings. I can't explain them.
last month's I've been having panic attacks more and more often.. it's very scary.
my family doesn't know. they know I've been having these but not how much..
I can't stop these attacks and I don't know what to do anymore..
Panic attacks can be scary and horrible, but you can calm them down if you try. I haven't told my mum about me having panic attacks either so I know how you're feeling. We have articles on panic attacks and how to stop them if you go through them but my way to calm them easy is take a moment, breath to a tune or breath on my thumb. You could also play/fiddle with an item for example like your skirt, tie or any item of clothing. Stress balls can really help too!
The best thing to do is to tell someone you trust, like a friend or a family member because the more you bottle it up the worse it's going to get. Try keeping a track of your panic attacks so you know if they're getting really bad because you can then know a rough guide of how your panic attacks are. So you could write down the time you had one, the date, the time it finished, how long it lasted etc.
I hope you have an excellent day!
We choose the most suited member of TWE to answer your questions!