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Unsupportive parents Rory  Hey Rory!
I'm sorry your parents are unsupportive in any regards. It sucks when you can't find comfort/support at home. Since you haven't really specified your question I'm not quite sure which part of non-supportive family you'd like advice on. However, coming from a background myself where parents didn't want to help me out with anything I'll drop a few tips below. A lot of the time your parents or a parent still loves you. They just dont know how to show it. Similarly, dont value your worth on how much you parents seem to value you. When you dont get support at home, you often need to turn elsewhere Academically, speak to your teachers. If you're comfortable explain your situation and they will often provide extra support (Lunchtime, Emails, Extra work etc etc). Also speak to your Guidance/Pastoral teacher if you are comfortable as they can often make deadline exceptions etc if you are really struggling. If your parents are getting in the way of you going to things like college or university the key is to speak to as many resources as possible. Often there will be bursaries and scholarships available you should look at. You can also get general funding depending on your course/country. At the end of the day though, if its finance thats the problem, you just have to get a job. I know it sucks at a younger age when all your friends go out and you have to work to support yourself but it's worth it in the long run and its the reality. If its emotionally, rely on your friends. Explain your situation and let them be there for you. Make friends in loads of areas so you have a lot of people to just chat to when you feel isolated. Join clubs, societies, volunteering etc etc. If its with your sexuality, this is a hard one. You are valuable and you are allowed to feel however you do. Sometimes your parents may change their minds and come round to your way of thinking. Other times they wont but that doesn't decrease your worth, Its difficult to accept that your parents don't accept a part of you but again, focus on your friends, teachers, tutors, work colleagues, youth workers and you will learn to live with it. Same with mental health. You have to just be more independent and do things on your own. Go to the GP. Get the help. Don't let your parents get in the way. Overall, just learn to have confidence in yourself and love yourself. Build strong relationships with those around you and you never know, one day your parents may change! Sorry this is super long but you didn't specify!!! Rebecca
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Hey, so for roughly about a year now I've been questioning my sexuality and lately i've decided that I might be bisexual. I'm not completely sure on this but I do feel there is a great chance that I am. I feel attracted to boys but also for the past year I've felt similar feelings for girls but not completely. I'm so confused and if I am bisexual, I'm terrified of coming out, mainly for the reason that in my school being trans or bi is seen as "attention seeking" or people are just lying about it for "popularity and respect" also my family are strong christians. Any advice? From Alex  "First off I'd say that they shouldn't come out unless it's definitely safe, that they feel ready and feel as if it will only have a positive impact, and that also they shouldn't feel pressured to come to their parents just yet, maybe start off with their friends or someone who they know would certainly support them, because coming out to someone for the first time and being judged/mistreated etc on the first account is really awful. Also they shouldn't feel pressured into definitely labelling themselves as bisexual because labels may seem important but they aren't when it comes down to personal preferences, and as long as they know that they're not attention seeking/looking for popularity, then that is the main thing, because self-opinion/worth is more important than anyone else's opinion on yourself" - Jaz  "I understand your confusion as a bisexual myself, and I know why you are struggling to come to terms with the sexuality you may identify as. My advice to you would be: Experiment and ask your online friends or one of us (perhaps me?) on how they came out and how they feel about boys and girls and see if they match how you may feel, take time to make sure you are definitely bisexual before coming out. (You may be Pansexual and that is similar to Bisexuality). You have mentioned your parents and the only advice I have for you is try seeing how they feel about a bisexual celebrity? This would give you an idea on how they would react to you. Feel free to get in contact with me through TWE" - Ciara x Sent in via contact form
Okay so I came out as transgender (ftm) to my friends about 9 months ago and to my mum about 7 months ago. All of my friends have been really supportive of me and always try their best to get my pronouns and name right - even my teachers try their best as well and are supportive of it all. Anyway, recently my mum has started to turn against it all and has started calling me by my old name and using female pronouns, she doesn't like it when my friends or teachers use male pronouns/name either and she says that she's never going to call me Caspar or help me change it through deed poll. My younger sister (she's 14 and I'm 15) told me the other day that she doesn't like it all and that I'm just attention seeking and she won't support me in the future with it and my mum agreed with her. Not only this, but I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about a year ago now, but my mum hasn't helped me to get any counselling for it and I've had to cope with it by myself, although she got my sister counselling when she was diagnosed with it less than a year ago. However, my younger sister overdosed on pills the other day and texted my mum to tell her (so I'm not sure if she's actually suicidal or not as if you wanted to kill yourself, you wouldn't ask someone to take you to the hospital minutes after overdosing, but there you go). Now she's out and fine but the main thing that I needed help with is the fact that my depression has gotten so bad, especially since I haven't gotten any help for it and my family are disowning me. I've had so many suicidal thoughts recently and even started to self harm as it had gotten that bad. I don't want to tell my mum how bad my depression is as she'll probably think that I'm attention seeking and just trying to copy my sister, but I'm really not and it really has gotten so bad that I've already written out my suicide note. I don't know what to do because I'm so done with life and everything and feel as though it's better if I end it than continuing to suffer. Yet I don't want to make my friends go through it all, especially because my best friend is also depressed but her mum said that since I've come into her life she's been much happier and doesn't self harm as much. I feel like killing myself is the better option for me, but I don't think that my friends, especially my best friend, will be able to cope through that - especially because we've got out GCSEs this year. I don't know what to do and I know that you aren't professional counsellors, but any advice would be appreciated in this situation. Thank you and I'm sorry that I made you read an essay but I needed to tell someone as I haven't told anybody about how bad my depression is currently.  Hello Casper! I don't mind the essay at all! Now the recent events of your family disowning you and doing things against your will- even stopping you from getting the professional help you need- all leads to a form of mental abuse. My advice to you is to tell a teacher what they are doing, especially a teacher you trust, as they have the resources and mind set to help you. Your friends will be supportive, but in this situation won't be able to change anything. With the self harm research the butterfly project, as it helped me to get away from self harm. You have the correct mindset in not commuting suicide because of your friends, but its also for you. It may be easier now, but you are cutting away a huge future, you could even be the person who accidentally stumbles across the cure for cancer! You are very important to the world, do you need to think about your future too- what are you going to miss? A lot! Please take this all into consideration, and really try to tell a teacher or someone of authority. It will hurt you more over time if they don't stop and no one knows about it. Good luck, locket Sent in VIA contact form I want to come out as pansexual to my mom, but I'm not sure how to go about doing it. I don't think she will understand. Got any advice? Hello there! Two of our writers who identify as pansexual have some advice for you! - Emily First make sure it's safe to come out, try to gage your mum's feelings towards the LGBT+ community; once you're sure it's safe, maybe try coming out in an off handish way, I told my dad just in passing. There are a million different ways to come out from sending them relentless memes about how you're attracted to frying pans to sitting them down and talking them through it. However you decide to do it just remember to be open with them and answer their questions, if there are any, the best you can. Stay safe and stay positive - Kaya Hello! Coming out can be a stressful time, especially when you think someone won't understand. Before I came out as pansexual I went up to my mum and asked her about a few sexualities that she hadn't heard of and tried my best to explain them to her. At first she was confused, but then again a lot of people are. My advice would be to practice what you're going to say to them. Don't write a whole speech, but make sure you know what you're going to say and be prepared to explain what pansexual means. Give them some time to accept the information, this doesn't necessarily mean they won't be fine with it, but most parents need some time to think about these things. Good luck! -Riley Sent in via Ask.FM
Hi, I'm emailing you because I'm not really sure what to do about my situation. I am 14 now and for as long as I can remember there have been many issues with myself and my parents. While my dad and I are fairly close, my mom has emotionally abused me for as long as I can remember, when I was younger she would yell at me almost everyday for random things and I never understood why so I started to become more and more depressed to the point where I would occasionally consider suicide. When I was around eleven it started getting worse, ever since then I can't express any of my likes or dislikes to my mom because as soon as she sees I like something she tries to take it from me. For example, I can't listen to music with her around. Like any music, not even classical which I love. I don't have religious freedom either, she is a very conservative Christian and she hates that I don't like to do certain religious activities with her, which I don't like because they make me uncomfortable and she always gets angry with me if I don't do exactly what she says. I converted to Judaism last year and I'm very happy with my choice, but I know if she found out I'm honestly scared of what she would do to me. She wants me to be exactly like her in everything, even in my relationships. She doesn't like that I don't want to have children(she did), she doesn't like that I'm accepting of people(she says very unkind things about people), she doesn't like that I want to go into the marines and let's me know regularly(she had dropped out of the Air Force and doesn't like that the American military is "too liberal for her"), and she doesn't like that I like to see my friends a lot and show them physical affection at times(she's very anti social). She is convinced me and my best friend are gay together simply because I sit close to her and now I'm afraid for my friends safety so I can't even hug her around my mom out of fear of what she would do to her or myself. I don't care that she thinks I'm either a lesbian or trans, which is because of stereotyping(I have a pixie cut and am fairly "masculine" in my personality and appearance choices), I'm just afraid of what she would do to me or my friends because even though I've told her before I'm not gay, and I'm not, she doesn't believe me as usual and she's such a homophobic individual that I'm afraid of what her actions towards me might be in the future. Then there's her and my dad. She never wears her wedding band, they fight any time they talk for more than five minutes, they don't sleep in the same room, and I hardly ever see them show any type of affection. She keeps secrets all the time from both of us, there's a refrigerator in the garage that she threatens us both not to open and she'll never tell me much about the years before, around, and after I was born. I've asked my dad about it but he won't tell me anything, I have this memory in my head about being around 3 and welcoming my mom home at a hospital. I think it was actually a mental hospital and I just didn't know at the time, and it makes sense because all my dad told me is that my mom lied to someone and I had to stay with my aunt for a month as a result, and that he "caught her doing weird stuff". I'm not surprised, my mom changes personalities frequently and her mom had abused her and her siblings as children even though she refuses to believe it. I'm so tired of my mom always being angry with me and caring more about the family dog than me, it seems. But the thing is, sometimes she's nice, really nice. She'll be nice for days on end and then all of a sudden she'll go back to hating my existence. It's so confusing and I don't know what to do. I almost killed myself four times last year alone because of things she said to me and made me do. I had to tattoo something special to me into my thigh to get myself to stop cutting(it worked, I'm seven months clean) and now I'm afraid of what will happen if she ends up seeing my thigh someday. It sounds stupid but it was all I knew to do at the time, when I was eleven I had told my mom how I was and she told me to my face she didn't want me to have help so I've only been able to use the Internet to try to help myself, which makes me upset because I always see everywhere how people hate self-diagnosed individuals, but I don't know what else to do, I can't see a therapist. I tried to tell my physician about this without my mom knowing but it didn't work and that was my last chance of help. The only adults I know that could help me are all related to my mom so I think they would defend her. There is one though that has asked me before to tell her what was wrong because she could tell I was upset and she doesn't know my mom and hasn't been deceived by her, I want to talk to her about this because she used to work with troubled kids anyways, but I'm too scared. I don't want to be around my mom anymore but I'm too young to be emancipated and I don't want to leave my state, NC, because of my best friend(she also has family issues and I have to be there for her). And that's why I'm writing, I just don't know what to do anymore. I know it was a long read, I'm really sorry.. Lotus (Name changed for confidentiality reasons) Hey Lotus, due to this being such a big, exact piece myself (Emily) and Ali will both be giving you advice. - Emily Your situation is a lot like mine. My dad is very against me. He is actually disowning me. I think you need to sit her down and talk to her. Make sure your dad is in the room as well as you both just in case anything happens. Also you mentioned that she wouldn't talk about any time around or before you were born. Maybe she was effected in some way and she wants to forget it. It sounds like you have an extremely strict mother and also I think she may just want to protect you. I recommend you read through some of our mental health articles to find out more about what illness you could have. You mentioned your mum didn't want to help get help, try asking school. They can hook you up with counseling and get you someone to talk to. I don't know about other schools, but the ones in my area are allowed to prescribe you tablets and pills that you can then pick up from the chemist. It's worth asking. The tattoo was a great idea and I am so proud of you for being 7 months clean. Maybe when your mum is in her good mood is when you should talk to her. The suicide should be spoken about and you shouldn't 'suffer in silence'! I know it sounds cheesy but honestly, it's true. Don't ever give up on what you believe in either! It's important to stay true to the religion you chose. I'm not religious myself but I know it's important. I hope I helped and if you need any more help please DM me. My Instagram is @alicianewns_ {alicia🌸} Lotus, i honestly feel, for your safety and your future, you should tell someone about this, even if it's child-line over a anonymous chat on their online chat space. It may be scary but it really is what is best for you, you should be able to be you and to be happy! As for the apology in the end, never apologize for asking for help, this could be a 12 page essay and we would still read it, we are here to help you! I also understand you don't want to leave because of your friend, but if it gets too much you need to put yourself first, you are the most important thing you have! - Emily
Teenagers With Experience, I found out about your website in the newspaper my Grandmother showed me (she thinks I'm 'depressed' so she wants me to get help) and I just want to congratulate you on what an amazing website this is. I hate talking to adults, I have a school councillor and he doesn't help at all so hopefully talking to a teenager will. Ugh I'm blabbering, sorry, let me get on with it. When I was 13 my mother sadly passed away. It was a rough time for me was my dad left when I was 2 so the only person I could go to was my grandmother. Me and my grandma fought daily because of her death, it separated our bond. I missed a lot of school also, so I am very far behind in lots of my key lessons. After two months of battling depression me and my grandma got me a councillor at my school, I still talk to him today but its no help. He hasn't gone through any loss like this, he can't relate to me. Anyway, I never self harmed-Im against that majorly, but I had constant suicidal thoughts. I didn't want to be in a world where I couldn't see my mother! I made friends and they're still with me today but my old friends left me because I left school. When I came back they said they didn't want to be friends as they have met new people now. I understand it though. I don't know what to do now, my grandma is in and out of hospital and my grandad passed away before i was born. If I loose my nan then I'll have to go with my uncle and his evil wife (seriously she hates me!) and I can't deal with that. Please help me? From Paris H x  Hai Paris
I'm Ailsa - I'm the one answering your email because I can relate to quite a few of the things you mentioned. First of all I'm so sorry for your current situation, you must be finding it really hard, but I'm going to do my best to help somehow xx It's so awful to lose someone so close to you, especially a family member. It leaves a hole in your heart and it leaves you feeling down for a long time. This is something that has to heal with time, but remember there are plenty of people on this site to support you. It sucks your counsellor doesn't understand and can't relate to you - having someone to empathise with really helps. In my school they have a bunch of therapists they can call in for various reasons outside of the school counsellor but few people know about it unless they need it. Maybe you could talk to a teacher or head of year about seeing another counsellor? It can take a few tries to find the right person, trust me I know this xD Can I just say that I am so glad that you haven't self harmed! It's so harmful and it causes problems that you honestly don't have time for as you have so much else on your plate <3 I'm glad you're against it, you should be xx However, the suicidal thoughts are obviously very serious :( I can majorly relate to those, I get them on a daily basis and I have actually attempted a few times. It really does feel like there's no hope for you left and that leaving the earth is the only option. But trust me, there are so so so many reasons to keep living, it's just hard to see that when you're in such a dark place. I could talk to you about this in so much more detail because there's just so much you have to live for! Since I don't know you personally, right now I can't help you find reasons for yourself, but if we get into contact we can text or something and it could be really helpful for you. Just as an example, when I was in my darkest places some of the smallest things had the most meaning to me - like a rare bit of sunshine or when my cat came and snuggled with me. They seem pretty pointless but if you can hold on to the tiny things in life that give you hope, then it's easier to find more reasons to live. I hope I made sense here xD I also know how it feels for a parent to abandon you. I hope you understand that it's got nothing to do with you personally. When you are a toddler, you haven't really developed into your own person yet, so your dad didn't have a clue what he was leaving behind. No one deserves to be left by a parent like that and emotions like anger, sadness and guilt are completely normal to feel when this has happened. If you ever need to talk about this in more detail, I am here for you xx I'm sorry to hear that you have argued a lot with your nan - she's your guardian and you should have a good relationship with her. I hope she gets well, be strong and remember that doctors are amazing at their jobs these days and the likelihood is that you'll be able to spend a lot more time with her and hopefully you won't have to go and live with your uncle X You may be depressed from what you've said and what I understand; I think you should go to a doctor. They can provide other counselling which could work better than the one at school, they can refer you to other mental health services that can help, or even prescribe medication. You'll probably find that they are really helpful, it would be a good idea to ask your nan to take you to the doctor. As for your old 'friends' they don't sound nice at all. A good friend would always stay by your side regardless if new people came about. I hope your new friends are better, you're probably better off without the old ones. It doesn't matter what problems you're having - you don't deserve to be left and it's so unreasonable that they did that to you. Finally, about the missing school. I've missed absolutely loads of school too because of my health! It's confusing and stressful to try and jump back in but remember there's loads of help for you in your school, you just have to ask. Or, if you're in the UK and in primary/secondary school, people like me on TWE can help you with school work since most of us have been through this :) I really hope this helps somehow, if you ever need to talk to me feel free, you can reach me via the TWE website or Facebook page - Ailsa Hi first of all I like your webpage secondly I need help. Ever since my 'dad' walked out on us my life has been a living hell! People at school mock me and make me feel worthless saying horrible things like 'why don't you just leave like your dad did?' Quite frankly I HATE IT!!! How can I look to a positive side? School is over soon but some of them applied for the same college as me. Help? Marcus  Marcus, I understand where your coming from. I have a lot of knowledge on how you feel and what your going through. Things are said by others but they really don't understand what's going on for you. You need to remember that you have your friends, and if you ever need advice or anything you can come here and talk to us. Try writing about it, don't think about what others are saying. It's easier said than done, but what do they know. Just because your father left, doesn't mean you are. All of them are arrogant people. Just don't even give them the light of day, all their looking for is that attention that they want. So I know it's hard now, but just try to ignore them. If that doesn't work, talk to someone about what's going on and maybe you can get help. Whether that be a counselor at your school or an adult you look up to.
Abby Hey , I'm Sara . I live in South Africa and I'm 14 . Okay so my mom and dad were separated for 3 years , & they got divorced in 2014 . My mom met someone in that 3 years and she started this dating this guy for 2 years he lived here in jhb she moved here with my brother and I lived with my dad in Durban , he was an alcoholic and he verbally and emotionally abused me ,so I couldn't take it anymore and I moved here last year . Then my mom and her boyfriend got married last year and I only met him last year which was so new to me , before the wedding he moved in with us with his daughter Leah , he's other daughter lives with her mom . So it's been about four months now that they've been married and recently they have been arguing a lot and it's been real serious arguments where they swear a lot . Today he got really drunk and started swearing my mom and he throttled her . He swore his daughter and told he to go away and he called her really bad words . I just don't know what to do.  Hi Sara! From what I have read it looks like you go through a lot, but you seem like such a strong person for example asking me for advice, some people don't tell anyone! First let's start with your birth dad, does your mum know he did this to you? He isn't allowed to do this and you should not have to put up with this, but I am glad you have moved but you should have had to go through that! With your step dad, your mother should NOT be abused, that's is a CRIME and your mother probably feel defenseless, even if your mum says "he only did it one" it doesn't matter it's an abusive relationship and you should probably tell the police because no one deserves abuse! And I am so proud of you for asking advice because that means you know it's wrong and that no one should have to put up with it! I hope things get better - Emily ♡ *Sent in through instagram Feel free to message us on any of our social networks! And we will not post on here without your permission, and without changing your name! When this was written i added an inappropriate, false comment about a family member as i was upset, and would like anyone who previously read it to know that it was not true.
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