How to not care about what other people think about me?
Hi Afia, thank you for getting in touch.
This is something I completely understand and I thought about it for years. Throughout my teenage years I have watched other people live care free and I was so jealous. What I’ve taught myself is that nobody’s opinion matters but my own. If I like it, I’ll do it. If I don’t, I won’t. Its a journey I had with myself that has taken until the age of 17 to conquer and I think I’m getting there. To not care about others opinions is to have an outlook on the world that is surrounding yourself. Again, only care about what you think and if people try to tell you otherwise or disagree with you, you can either take it into account constructively or disregard it. It’s easier said than done, but the more you practice and the more you tell yourself positive things the easier it is to achieve. - Courtney xx
I am seriously worried about my grand daughter aged 13. Her parents are divorced. Her mum moved to Spain and she didnt want to go. She lived with me and was happy with friends going out and sleepovers. In April her dad said i was too old to look after her and she lived with him for 4 month. He verbally abused her, she lived 2 jra away and had to change schools. She was devastated and since yhen her life has fallen apart in her eyes. Her mum said to her if not working with dad then you have to come live with me in Spain. Her mums work means she comes home 3 or 4 in the morning and sleeps best part of of the day. She is about to start a spanish state school.
She now has social anxiety will noy talk ti others and on friday her ild school contacted me that she has been contacting an old school fiend from when she was living with me and was going on suicide snap chats. I am terrified she will harm herself. She sits at home all day with no friends and scared of the day she has to go to school. Even begging me not to bring her birth certicate to her mum which she needs to start school. She has also tild me she is not sure of her sexuality. She talks ti me but not her mum. Her mum's friend asked her if she was enjoying living in spain. She said no. Her mam gave her the bad eye then Shouted at her for telling the truth. Her mum wants it to work but i know my grand daughter unless with me in uk. How can i help jer
Hi Julie, I am so sorry that you and your grand daughter are going through this. I think that you all need to sit down and talk about this (you and her parents and your grand daughter). If not possible in person then through Skype or even over the phone. You need to tell her parents that they need to take her opinion into consideration. Maybe you could introduce your grand daughter to our website, I'm sure some of our articles could help her and we would be happy to talk to her if she needs it. I really hope you manage to sort this, and if you need any more help please let us know. -Ella
I'm 16 and just finished my GCSE exams and i'm feeling really depressed and useless. I have no friends or social life. I can't find a part time job. I'm too socially anxious to join any club or summer course. I've become so introverted I can't even bring myself to face the outside world but at the same time I feel trapped inside as life passes me by and everyone else my age are experiencing things like working and dating etc.
I've not even started college yet and I already feel like I've failed at life.
On top of this my self-esteem is so low and I really hate so much about myself and this also holds me back from socializing.
I don't know what to do. I have all this free time and all it's giving me is time alone with my thoughts and self pity and doubt. I really don't know who to ask for help so I hope you can give me some advice.
Hello, my name is Naomi.
I felt the same way when I first finished school, you are definitely not alone. You are not failing at life or anything of the sort! I believe you are going through a state of an existential crisis mixed with depression. This is not something you should be ashamed of but I definitely thing you should speak with your doctor or parents. However, since you are 16, you can go to the doctors alone and asking as you tell them you want the information you give them to be confidential then they will not tell your parents if that is something you are worried about. They will be able to refer you to a mental health team who will speak with you and decide on the best course of treatment for you. This is something that will definitely help you to improve your mental health!
Please don't keep your feelings and thoughts to yourself as they can begin to fester resulting in your mental health getting worse in which will affect you everyday life more than it may already do. You said that you don't have any friends, well college is a great opportunity to make friends. It may be scary and unnerving at first but if you start by smiling at them and then making small talk until you find something in common that you both talk about and bond over. College is nothing like school and everyone is so much nicer!
You don't need a part time job at this age but if you are really set on having one then I suggest that you try making things and selling them on Etsy or ask around for babysitting jobs. They are both relatively easy things to do but you can get quite a bit of money from them.
You could also try dog walking. It's very hard to do things when your self esteem is low but I recommend trying to focus more on the thing/s you do like about yourself or that you can do. You can do this by writing a list of the things you may like about yourself and then every morning, looking in the mirror and complimenting yourself on those things. You could also try to find the positive side of the negative feelings you have towards yourself. This will take some time but please don't give up! You don't have to rush into things and force yourself to be social but you can try taking things slow. You could try going for a short walk, messaging people on Facebook and then slowly progress by smiling at people on your walks. Then you can try waving at people. Then you can try to make small talk with people at college. Then you can begin to express yourself a little until you feel comfortable with the people in your class. It's all about doing things at a pace your a comfortable with!
You sound like a lovely person and I'm so proud of you for asking us for help. I recommend that next you speak with a doctor.
I hope this helped.
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