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​Teenagers With Experience,
I found out about your website in the newspaper my Grandmother showed me (she thinks I'm 'depressed' so she wants me to get help) and I just want to congratulate you on what an amazing website this is. I hate talking to adults, I have a school councillor and he doesn't help at all so hopefully talking to a teenager will. Ugh I'm blabbering, sorry, let me get on with it.

When I was 13 my mother sadly passed away. It was a rough time for me was my dad left when I was 2 so the only person I could go to was my grandmother. Me and my grandma fought daily because of her death, it separated our bond. I missed a lot of school also, so I am very far behind in lots of my key lessons. After two months of battling depression me and my grandma got me a councillor at my school, I still talk to him today but its no help. He hasn't gone through any loss like this, he can't relate to me. Anyway, I never self harmed-Im against that majorly, but I had constant suicidal thoughts. I didn't want to be in a world where I couldn't see my mother! I made friends and they're still with me today but my old friends left me because I left school. When I came back they said they didn't want to be friends as they have met new people now. I understand it though. I don't know what to do now, my grandma is in and out of hospital and my grandad passed away before i was born. If I loose my nan then I'll have to go with my uncle and his evil wife (seriously she hates me!) and I can't deal with that. Please help me? 
From Paris H x 

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Hai Paris

I'm Ailsa - I'm the one answering your email because I can relate to quite a few of the things you mentioned. First of all I'm so sorry for your current situation, you must be finding it really hard, but I'm going to do my best to help somehow xx

It's so awful to lose someone so close to you, especially a family member. It leaves a hole in your heart and it leaves you feeling down for a long time. This is something that has to heal with time, but remember there are plenty of people on this site to support you. It sucks your counsellor doesn't understand and can't relate to you - having someone to empathise with really helps. In my school they have a bunch of therapists they can call in for various reasons outside of the school counsellor but few people know about it unless they need it. Maybe you could talk to a teacher or head of year about seeing another counsellor? It can take a few tries to find the right person, trust me I know this xD 

Can I just say that I am so glad that you haven't self harmed! It's so harmful and it causes problems that you honestly don't have time for as you have so much else on your plate <3 I'm glad you're against it, you should be xx However, the suicidal thoughts are obviously very serious :( I can majorly relate to those, I get them on a daily basis and I have actually attempted a few times. It really does feel like there's no hope for you left and that leaving the earth is the only option. But trust me, there are so so so many reasons to keep living, it's just hard to see that when you're in such a dark place. I could talk to you about this in so much more detail because there's just so much you have to live for! Since I don't know you personally, right now I can't help you find reasons for yourself, but if we get into contact we can text or something and it could be really helpful for you. Just as an example, when I was in my darkest places some of the smallest things had the most meaning to me - like a rare bit of sunshine or when my cat came and snuggled with me. They seem pretty pointless but if you can hold on to the tiny things in life that give you hope, then it's easier to find more reasons to live. I hope I made sense here xD 

I also know how it feels for a parent to abandon you. I hope you understand that it's got nothing to do with you personally. When you are a toddler, you haven't really developed into your own person yet, so your dad didn't have a clue what he was leaving behind. No one deserves to be left by a parent like that and emotions like anger, sadness and guilt are completely normal to feel when this has happened. If you ever need to talk about this in more detail, I am here for you xx

I'm sorry to hear that you have argued a lot with your nan - she's your guardian and you should have a good relationship with her. I hope she gets well, be strong and remember that doctors are amazing at their jobs these days and the likelihood is that you'll be able to spend a lot more time with her and hopefully you won't have to go and live with your uncle X 

You may be depressed from what you've said and what I understand; I think you should go to a doctor. They can provide other counselling which could work better than the one at school, they can refer you to other mental health services that can help, or even prescribe medication. You'll probably find that they are really helpful, it would be a good idea to ask your nan to take you to the doctor. 

As for your old 'friends' they don't sound nice at all. A good friend would always stay by your side regardless if new people came about. I hope your new friends are better, you're probably better off without the old ones. It doesn't matter what problems you're having - you don't deserve to be left and it's so unreasonable that they did that to you. 

Finally, about the missing school. I've missed absolutely loads of school too because of my health! It's confusing and stressful to try and jump back in but remember there's loads of help for you in your school, you just have to ask. Or, if you're in the UK and in primary/secondary school, people like me on TWE can help you with school work since most of us have been through this :)

I really hope this helps somehow, if you ever need to talk to me feel free, you can reach me via the TWE website or Facebook page
- Ailsa
    

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