20 things I have learnt in 20 years

 I have started to think about what I have learnt this year in the pandemic and that has led to me thinking about generally what else I have learnt in my 20 years on Earth. So I am going to give you the top 20 important things that I have learnt and maybe you'll be able to take something from my experience.

Not all friendships are going to last forever but the ones that do are the ones that matter.
You may want to think otherwise but teenage friendships are complicated and chances are, you will lose people. While that hurts, try and remember the friends you still have and be grateful for the ones you carry into adulthood. I have lost a lot of friends in the past few years but I still have one best friend who has stuck by me throughout all the good and all the bad and I am so grateful - I don't know what I'd do without her.

It doesn't matter what you're doing, all that matters is who you're doing it with. 
A lot of things have been cancelled this year because of the pandemic which has meant we haven't had the opportunity to do all the things we want to do. But it did teach me to treasure the moments I spend with people, whether we're just going for a walk or going to a theme park together. The people matter more than the activity so just treasure that time, whatever you're doing.

If there is something you wish you could change and you can, then do.
I got really down about my weight towards the end of this year because for me, 10st 5lb was the heaviest I'd ever been and I hated it. This is not to say you should hate it if you're that size or heavier but I wasn't happy and wished I could change it and lose some weight. I then realised I could by just doing a little bit of exercise everyday. Now, in the first week of December and the second week of exercise, I may still be the same weight but that weight is muscle, not fat, and I am already happier because people are noticing a difference and I know that, by sticking to this plan, I will get comfortable in my size.

Your happiness should not be sacrificed for the happiness of others. 
Sometimes we can think that other people are more important than we are and that they deserve happiness more than we do, but that simply isn't true. You are important and deserve happiness just as much and if you are having to give up that happiness for someone else, then they aren't worth it.

If you care about something, don't let anybody stop you from pursuing that. 
It is really important to have a passion in life and in work. Sometimes your passion can seem unrealistic and not viable but never let anybody tell you that you shouldn't do something for this reason or that reason or that you're wrong to like something. You make your own luck and I have learnt that the things that are important to me such as acting, singing, writing and photography are too important to give up. 

Sometimes the people around you do know what is best for you.
As much as you may hate to admit it, you are sometimes wrong, whether it be people or things. The people who care about you most can often see what is wrong before you can and they will try to protect or warn you, whether you want to accept their help or not. I have had the wrong impression about a fair few people where my family have seen that the friendship wasn't healthy for me or I was being manipulated or whatever it may be. If I had listened, I may have spent a lot less time hurting and blaming myself.

Not being where you want to be right now does not mean you have failed. 
When I was trying to find a job, I found it really difficult to be rejected from interviews constantly. It was only after speaking to a family friend that he said 'you're at the point where you're ready to move forward, but just because you're not moving right now does not mean you're stuck forever.' So just because I hadn't found a job yet didn't mean I had failed, and that's true because a month or so later I found a job that I loved and am still there now. Just because you're not quite where you want to be right now doesn't mean you're never going to get there.

If your mental health is preventing you from being productive, it's okay to take a break.
I think that our society can sometimes breed us to feel like we have to be working constantly. There is nothing wrong with hard work but there is a lot wrong with trying to force yourself to work hard when you aren't going to be productive. It isn't good for your mental health and it was only in this pandemic when I was really struggling that I realised it's okay to take a break and be kinder to yourself. By taking that break, you are much more likely to be more productive and get more done in the end once you've had that time to yourself.

Getting enough vitamins is actually important. 
I know it sounds really dumb and cliche but I have learnt that vitamins are actually important, not just for you but for other people that you can help. I have tried to donate blood twice and have been unable to due to low levels of iron in my blood. So I started taking iron tablets and cod liver oil capsules and Vitamin D tablets to get my levels up and not only do these extra vitamins make me healthier and actually improve my mood, but they allow me to help others by donating my blood. I thought they were useless before and didn't really care but this year changed that.

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. 
Another cliche, yes, but often the cliches are the hardest things to learn for me. You can do anything you put your mind to and you are allowed to do whatever you want to do. When I first started learning to drive, I was told I would never pass. Three years later, I've passed and driving around like it's nobody's business. So no matter what people tell you, don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something.

Spend more time outside when you are able to. 
As with the vitamins, I've realised that spending time outside is much more important than I ever thought before. I'm a very indoor person and don't like being outside but the fact that I had to stay inside so much this year made me really appreciate the outdoors. Appreciate the flowers, appreciate the sunlight, appreciate the leaves and trees. It's also great for your mental health which is always a bonus.

You are happy, you are healthy, you are loved, you are successful. 
This is a mantra that I learnt from Carrie Hope Fletcher that she chanted before every show when she was in Les Miserables. We as humans spend a lot of time deprecating ourselves and thinking 'I could be better at this' or 'I'm not as thin as that person' or 'that person has more friends than me.' But what I've learnt from that mantra is does it matter if you could be better at that or you're not as thin or have as many friends as that person? If you are happy, healthy, loved and successful, then nothing else is important - and you are always loved.

Your worth is not determined by anybody else. 
Due to being bullied as a child, my self worth has always been particularly low because I had allowed myself to believe what I'd been told by other people over the years. What they told me impacted how I saw myself and what I determined I was worth. But that is not right or okay. My worth is not determined by what somebody else thinks of me or says about me or how they view me. My worth is reliant on how I think of myself, what I say about myself and how I view myself. If I think positively about myself and talk to myself positively and view myself in a positive light, then that is all that matters. I am not worth what other people think I am worth but I am worth what I think I am worth.

Books can't teach you everything. 
I love books, truly I do, with all my heart and I love to read. But you can't learn everything from a book. Books are good for learning facts or losing yourself in a story or picking up practical skills like how to DIY. But it can't teach you how to feel in a certain situation or what an experience in your life may be like. Books are good for some things but not for everything and you need to remember that there are some things you can only learn through actually living life.

You don't need to know everything about everything. 
Sometimes it can feel like you need to know everything there is to know in order to be a successful functioning adult but that really isn't true. There are some important practical things you need to know like how to cook or how to change the batteries in your smoke alarm, but you don't need to know everything about the Cold War or the cause of the bubonic plague. That knowledge is useless to you and just taking up space in your brain and you are completely capable of functioning without it - there is not a single adult who knows absolutely everything.

Experience can be more valuable than theoretical knowledge. 
A question I was asked a lot when I was applying for apprenticeships two years ago was 'why do you want an apprenticeship rather than going to university?' and the answer I always gave was 'I think experience is more important than knowledge.' Back then, I didn't fully believe or understand what I meant but now I definitely do. Sometimes there are things that you have to experience in order to learn most effectively and sometimes it is better to get that experience rather than having all the theoretical knowledge but no real life evidence to back it up. 

Feelings are important things to feel.
Feelings are complicated things and they're not always pleasant so it's far too easy to try and bury them or forget about them to stop us from feeling. After 20 years of doing that, this year I have realised that it's important that you let yourself feel in order to process what you are feeling. If you hide them, you are stuck with these feelings and you can't move on while you're trying to ignore them because ignoring them won't make them go away. You can only let them go if you work through those feelings in time by allowing yourself to feel.

Listen to the cliches and take your own advice.
I've spoken a lot about cliches throughout this, saying this or that is a cliche. But the thing is, they are cliches for a reason, and that is because they are important or true. The cliches are often the hardest things to take on board, particularly for me. I often find myself giving people advice and using cliches in my advice because I think it will help them but when it comes to actually helping myself, I forget my own advice or I just ignore it. It's always easier to help somebody else than it is yourself but it has helped me this year to imagine my problems are someone else's because then I can deal with them in the way in which I'd help someone else deal with them.

Your feelings and experiences are valid, regardless of what other people have been through. 
When I used to go to therapy, I found it really difficult to feel valid and to accept some of the things that had happened to me. I felt guilty over my emotions because I thought that I shouldn't or couldn't feel a certain way because people had it so much worse than I did. My therapist used to tell me that regardless of  what anybody else had been through, my experiences and emotions still affected me and were valid. Despite her telling me this four years ago, it took me until now to truly believe it. Just because other people have been through worse does not mean that what I feel isn't valid and does not undermine or lessen my experience in any way.

Don't take things for granted.
This may seem like an obvious thing and you might not even realise you're doing it but it's important that you are grateful for everything you are given and everything you experience. You might take it for granted that you can go to work or see your friends or go to the pub but this year we've learned that these things aren't an automatic right and we should treasure the fact we get this opportunity.

Please let me know if any of these pieces of advice help you or if you have anything that you've learnt that you'd like to share. I'd love to hear it!

~ Kenzie


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