3 Tips to Overcome Social Anxiety

​By Sydney

Shy, that’s the word a lot of people associate with me. When I was little it was cute, but now that I’m an adult it’s seen as a nuisance. They don’t know that I genuinely want to participate in a conversation, that I want to connect with people and make friends, that I can’t get out of my head long enough to say what I want to say. It’s taken a year of therapy and research and forcing myself to talk to people for me to make any sort of progress. In this article, I hope to share my experience with social anxiety and what I’ve done to lessen the effects.

Social anxiety is characterized by avoidance or even an intense fear of socialization, especially in situations that are unfamiliar or when you think you will be judged for how you act. For me, I hate talking to people my age that I don’t know, it’s the circumstance that causes me the most fear.

There are many different studies and research done on Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), which is its fancy name, which means there’s plenty of information on what can be done to lessen your anxiety. I’ll be going over some tricks I’ve personally used or know people that have had success using to lessen social anxiety.

1. Exposure therapy
I would say that exposure therapy was the most effective of these steps for me, but everyone is different. I recently turned 18, meaning I have to start calling the doctors myself and doing everything my mom used to do for me. This often feels like I’m going to fight a war single handedly against the medical field. Forcing myself to make those calls has made it easier to handle phone calls, which used to be very stressful, in general. I started with one phone call day, and then two, and three, until I could make as many phone calls a day as needed. 

To handle my more prominent anxiety of talking to new people my age, going to college next year provided me with the perfect opportunity. I reached out to someone on the college’s Instagram account that said they couldn’t wait to attend next year. We started to talk and that day she added me to a massive group chat full of other people in our year that will be going to the same school. When I say massive, I mean over 60 people are in that chat. I made it a goal of mine to reach out separately to people I thought were cool. Thanks to this I found some amazing friends and even my roommate for next year!

It’s important when using exposure therapy to set small, manageable goals and work your way up to your biggest stressor. If you hate being in a room full of lots of people, start with being in a room with two others. Once you can handle that, add two more. Continue adding people and gaining comfort until you no longer feel uncomfortable being in a crowded room. Never just jump into the deep end as it can cause unnecessary stress and even more anxiety. Start small and build your strength.

2. Breathe
When you are in a stressful situation, it is important to remember to breathe. When you’re stressed and anxious, it’s easy to forget and you can hyperventilate or, in extreme situations, pass out. There have been a couple of times where I’ve been surrounded by people and needed to leave so I could catch my breath after unconsciously holding it. Anxiety can unfortunately make it difficult to remember basic human functions.

Breathing can also help you calm down and help you get in a better head space. One tactic every therapist I’ve ever had has taught me is the 4-7-8 breathing method. What you do is breathe in for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 seconds, and breathe out for 8 seconds. Do this until your heart rate has lowered and you feel more in control. I do this whenever my anxiety gets to be too much and I need to take action to calm down. 

3. Don’t be too hard on yourself
It’s ok to need a break. It’s ok to not push yourself. It’s ok to not be ok. If a situation is too stressful, it’s ok to walk away from it. If you don’t have the energy to do exposure therapy, it’s ok to not do it. What is important is that you do what is right for you and tell yourself “I will get control of my social anxiety, but right now I need a day for myself.” As long as you are working to make yourself happy, you’re doing nothing wrong.

Social anxiety is a very real and debilitating mental disorder. It can make socialization and conversation hard or even impossible. For years, I couldn’t talk to people my own age that I hadn’t met before. It took practice and tricks and fortitude for me to overcome my social anxiety and be able to make my own friends. There are still days where it’s hard, where I’m unable to talk to even my closest friends without overthinking and shutting down. But I’ve made progress. My social anxiety has gotten easier to handle and maybe someday it will be gone completely, but until then I will continue to use these three steps.