A Guide To Therapy - Setting Boundaries With Your Therapist

By Yara

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Therapy isn’t always pleasant. Painful memories, frustration, fear might sometimes seep to the surface. Therapy is both a partnership between you and your therapist, and a safe place. But what if your therapist is the reason for your unpleasant experience? What if you feel as though they are not giving you concrete advice or forcing you to speak upon a topic you don’t want to? 

I can recall nervously sitting across from my therapist and illustrating all incidents of bullying I had gone through, even though I didn’t want to share them. I would complete all the tasks she had assigned me and share my feelings and problems, but I never receive concrete techniques to cope with my problems or make me feel better. Our CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) sessions were about 10 minutes long - 6x lower than the average - and mostly consisted of her listening and giving me a task. She often treated me like I was faking my problems. I would never receive the time I had paid for and was usually rushed out of the door. 

Wasn’t I opting for therapy in order to receive concrete advice to ease my problems? Wasn’t she supposed to help me learn to cope with my problems and make me feel better?

At that time, I said nothing. But now I know I do have an option to communicate my concerns with her behavior towards both me and my parents. I could say that it wasn’t working out for me. It took time, but I have learned that I can set boundaries with my therapist. 

Setting boundaries with anyone is difficult. Since we have not been directly taught to set boundaries, we are often hesitant to set them or cannot put them into words. So, here are few strategies you can use to set boundaries with your therapist:

• Mindmapping. I have created a mind map on boundaries I want to set along with the reason. It helps me remind my therapist about the boundaries we have.

• Find the right word. There are many boundaries you can set. Putting it into words is important. Few things you can say; “Please, do not ask me about……”, “Lets always stick to the problem I want to solve, I am here for ‘xyz’ and not for ‘zyx’” etc. 

• Take your time. When my therapist broke my boundary, I could not form the right words to say at that very moment. I took time, thought through it, and put it forward in our next session. Don’t kick yourself for not being able to form the right words. Take your time. 

• Remind them. Refresh them on the fact that when they break your boundaries or overlook them. 

• Roleplay. It is okay to feel nervous. You can ask your friend to play the role of your therapist and you can practice with them. 

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These are just a few of the techniques you can try! However, sometimes even setting boundaries cannot help. In such instances, it’s easier to walk away. 
Many therapists will respect and accept your boundaries. Good therapists remember these boundaries and give you the respect you deserve. 

Extra resource:
https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/6-strategies-for-setting-boundaries-with-your-therapist/