Being In Touch

​By Camille

How are you? A very common question with a very common answer. Most of the time, when people ask how you are doing, it is out of politeness and to create small talk. It is not necessarily an opening to share how you are truly doing. That was fine by me because I never really knew how I was doing.

The issue of me not being in touch with my emotions did not become apparent until I had a teacher that asked me how I was doing but expected an actual answer. When I realized that, I immediately became freaked out and a bit defensive because I did not know the answer myself. 

Emotions never came easy to me, I have always avoided wearing my heart on my sleeve. I never took the time to ask myself how I am actually feeling. And because of this inability to even be true to myself, I cannot express my feelings to those around me. This is also a reason why I have not been to therapy. Whenever the doctors would ask me if I have ever felt anxiety, depression, or anything of the like, I would always lie and say I was doing fine. Whenever the topic of how I am truly feeling presented itself, I was very quick on how fine I was and seemed very adamant about changing the subject. 

Ever since I joined TWE, I have found ways to cope with many of the hardships I face in life. Being in such a wonderful organization has given me a lead way on being able to truly reflect on myself and figure out what I am feeling in the moment.

I have found that one of my most important steps to coping or recovery is to start from day 1 and look for potential reasons for why I have these issues. Below, I have compiled a list of possible reasons why I have not been able to properly express my emotions.

• Growing up, I never had a safe space to express my feelings. I always felt ridiculed for showing any emotions.
• I associated feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety, etc, with negativity. Because of that, I always tried to avoid these emotions.
• My inner dialogue was too harsh on me. My conscience would always feel weak and disgusted when I showed emotions.
• My feelings were too complex for me to understand. I felt that using the words sad, mad, happy, etc., was too simple for what I was actually feeling.

Compiling this list when I first began to work on expressing emotions, I had an easier time targeting these causes and challenging them. As of today, I am doing much better in terms of how I am feeling. While I am not able to express my emotions to others, being in touch with myself is a fantastic start.

As always, problems do not solve on their own. It is up to us to figure out how to solve them. Below, I have compiled a list of ways I was able to be more true to myself about my feelings.

• Reflect on important moments of life and how they made me feel. I started off with joyful memories and slowly worked my way into ones with lesser positive emotions. 
• Challenge my harsh inner dialogue. I never had a conscience that was easy on me, but I have been able to ignore it when it gets too harsh regarding my emotions. 
• Keep a journal that is solely focused on how I am feeling throughout the day.
• Name the emotions I experience, even if they may seem too simple. 

Although it took me years to realize I should have emotions, being able to locate the issues and fix them has made me feel better about myself. Emotions are not an easy thing to recognize and express, but I am slowly learning on becoming more in touch with myself. I hope this article inspires others to seek out their emotions more and express them in a healthy manner.

Below is a list of helplines in case you are feeling down. 
SAMHSA’s National Helpline
NAMI Helpline
MentalHealth.gov​