Being Raised by my Cuban Family

By Katelyn

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Disclaimer: This is my personal experience, along with parts of my fellow Hispanic friends’ experiences. This is not intended to stereotype any ethnicity.​

Although I was born in the United States, my family is made up entirely of Cubans. I was brought up knowing every Prince Royce and Romeo Santos song known to man. All my illnesses were “cured” with “vivaporu” (Vicks Vaporub); I couldn’t, and still can’t, sleep over at anyone’s house unless they’re my cousins; and I was forced to watch telenovelas or La Voz with my grandma. My family can be the most loving, passionate, fun people at times, but that comes at a price. They’re also nosy, controlling, petty, selfish, and manipulative. Toxic doesn’t even begin to describe my family.
    
One thing about many Cubans is that they’re tremendously expressive and aggressive. They won’t hold back when they have something on their mind. They’ll either inconsiderately tell you straight to your face or they’ll gossip behind your back and make passive aggressive comments. For instance, one time my siblings and I were at a pool party and my sister was just living her life having fun and jumping in the pool; who would want to destroy that? A normal family would be happy for her. My cousin had a different plan in mind. She decided to say, loud and clear, that my sister looked better before quarantine when she was skinnier. My sister and I have had body image issues for the majority of our lives because of our family. They constantly reduce us to how we look. Their shallow personalities just can’t help telling us that we should eat less (or more, if you’re particularly skinny) whether through physically saying it to you in front of everyone or throwing you judgemental looks when you get up to serve yourself a second helping of dinner (or none at all). I will never understand how a person can think repeatedly telling someone how ugly they believe the other looks is an okay thing to do. 
    
Cuban parents, essentially, act like toddlers. They throw tantrums when they don’t get their way, seemingly have no common decency, cause constant drama, etc. Sometimes I feel like I’m the one raising them. They’ll give me the silent treatment if I forget to put a shirt away or throw a chancleta at me when I try to talk to them. They make their children into their confidantes. They fill their kids’ heads with drama and gossip. They also get super defensive and lash out when I attempt to talk to them about my issues. When I tried to tell them about my depression, they immediately thought I was insulting their parenting skills. Instead of comforting me and letting me know that they’re here for me and are going to help me, they took the selfish route and somehow brought the conversation back to them. We also can’t have a normal party without someone ending up in a massive argument and then no one mentioning it for weeks to come. This one time, two of my cousins started arguing and it escalated to the point where the adults escorted all the children outside because they didn’t want them to see how violent and vulgar their relatives were getting. They didn’t speak to each other for the next month. On another occasion, one of my cousins was planning to attend a concert and invited one of her sisters to come with. The sister decided to, without asking permission, invite several friends to join them. The other sister who originally asked found out and snapped. They fought for days, followed by a mutual silent treatment for another few weeks. They’re the most petty and immature people I have ever met.
    
Despite their destructive nature, you’ll never encounter a family with more love and loyalty. They all wear their hearts on their sleeves and will kill for their family. I recall an instance when my cousin went to actual jail for my godmother. She had drunkenly started a bar fight. My cousin knew she wasn’t going to win so, along with the rest of my cousins, he stepped in and fought, too. He took the blame when the cops arrived, and spent a few nights locked up. I do have to say, though, we’re bonded by blood, not love. If we weren’t related, we would despise each other. I’ve never completely grasped this concept. I hate their shallow, insensitive, sexist, racist, homophobic personalities and beliefs, but I would never let a soul lay a hand on them. Kind of like a sibling relationship.
    
I love my family and their silly superstitions like your mother brooming your feet as a sign you’ll never get married or if you get a stye, you made a pregnant woman very angry at you. They just get to be a little too much to handle sometimes.
    
​If you also have a toxic family, I recommend trying to understand them first. They were raised by generations upon generations of terribly rude people so that’s all they know how to be. They didn’t have the best examples growing up, but we have the power to break that cycle. We have to be strong and more mature than our parents and elders. We can raise our children to be considerate and kind human beings. If you need help coping with your current situation, though, do your best to talk to someone or simply ignore your family’s unhealthy habits. Don’t give them the power to ruin your childhood.