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By Rohini I often forget what life was like before 9th grade. I never used to study yet managed to ace everything, the only thing I had to worry about was the petty fights with my sister and parents. I didn’t have to worry what my parents would think if I didn’t get good marks, or what my peers would think if I laughed too hard or spoke too loud; I never had the fear that my “friends” were constantly judging me for everything I did. I convinced myself I was not a pushover, but soon I realized that I was being walked over by virtually everyone around me; I witnessed, in hindsight, every moment I was used by someone, every moment people snickered, every moment people outcasted me. It was tough, knowing every person I knew was judging me, it made me mould every expression, every word, every glance into something “appropriate”.
But I realize now that I never had to shape myself to their satisfaction; I do not have to hold back my laugh, change my personality, or not be “too much”. I love myself for who I am, the people who truly matter accept me for who I am and if they don’t, they are missing out on a vibrant person and experience. It was difficult, caring about everyone, making sure I do not appear callous while they make the most hurtful remarks. I told myself and tried to believe: “They’re not the ones living my life, they’re not people who care about me. I love myself, I love my caring, loud, clueless, shy self. I do not care if it is too inconvenient for them to bear with me. As long as I don’t lose my true essence, as long as I don’t lose my compassion, as long as I don’t go against my principles- I am the best self I can be.” It was hard not to be constantly pleasing people. I often started gaslighting myself, telling myself I’m being rude or that it’s “not a big deal”. But I’m glad I’m working through it. I know one day I will be able to look at myself and tell myself that even though I was so alone for so long, I never lost myself. I know that one day I will have people who love me for my true self, who won’t expect me to change, and won’t leave me behind for their ego or for others.
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By Guest Writer Zainab Fatima Picture this: You are really excited today because it's your birthday, and a magician has to come. He stands in front of you and your friends with shaky legs and introduces himself with a trembling voice: “Hello----uh...I am...uh, my name is Lucas...I am...going to...show magic.” Boom! All your excitement is gone.
Feeling confident is the hardest thing to do. Bringing that sense is difficult for many of us. So always start with the easiest things. The important and easy thing you need to do is look confident. Shoulders back, chin slightly up, and avoid fidgeting. Don’t be afraid of presenting yourself confidently. Keep your mind positive about yourself. You just need to be more relaxed, which is going to show how approachable you are. People will start feeling more comfortable with you. Moreover, when you spread out a little, without being overbearing, it signals self-assurance. Make eye contact and smile politely when talking to someone. This will make you look more relaxed and, hence, more confident. If you can start to look confident, then you can bring that calm sound to your voice, too. Go for intonation and clarity while speaking. Keep your tone steady and use natural rises and falls to Show your energy and engagement. Maintain the level of volume in your voice. Not too high and not too low. Remember that confident people are never afraid of pausing. These make you sound calm and in control. When you adopt the look and sound of a confident person, you automatically start to feel confident. Always believe in yourself and silently keep reminding yourself with positive thoughts. Confidence isn’t an ability we’re innately with; it’s a skill we practice. Stand tall, speak with strength, and soon enough you won’t just feel confident—you’ll truly be confident. By En So, you want to get a piercing?
Piercings can be tricky to navigate. Whether you want to figure out if it would suit you, how easy it is to keep or even where to get it done - it can be easy to be overwhelmed by all the factors that may pop up. I’ve had five piercings done. I’ve had my ears done three times, my nose done and my septum done. Out of the five, I’ve only managed to keep three, and that was out of pure desperation because I didn’t want to take them out. Out of those five piercings, four were done with piercing guns. If you’ve been pierced with a piercing gun and it’s healed properly with little to no hiccups, that’s brilliant, but it’s still very dangerous. Some reasons to avoid piercing guns are-
Out of the four piercings I’ve had with a piercing gun, I’ve only been able to keep two. The first time I had my ears pierced, they got so badly infected and I ended up on antibiotics and had to take them out. A few years later I got them done again, and it started to get infected but luckily with a lot of aftercare,they stuck around. I had the same issue when I got my ears pierced again, but they’re both thriving now. The last piercing I had that used a piercing gun was my nose. It got infected, and I had it for about a month before I had to take it out. For me, the infection looked like a raised bump and depending on the severity, would be painful and would leak pus. It isn’t pretty and absolutely isn’t ideal. Please see a doctor if you think your piercing is infected, don’t just take it out because it could trap the infection. The most notable shops I’ve seen use piercing guns are Claire’s, Blue Banana and even Superdrug. These aren’t the places to get pierced. Sure, they’re cheap,and quite often you don’t need an appointment, but it’s not worth the risk. The last piercing I got was my septum. I got it done with a professional piercer at a reputable studio, and the difference was as clear as day. Just from the appointment alone - I had to wait about two months to be seen, and then when I went to it, the room was completely wiped down, and every bit of equipment she used was sterile and she binned it all after using it so it wouldn’t be reused. One of the most telling bits about that was the fact she asked for ID because she wouldn’t pierce anyone under the age of eighteen, both because it’s a body modification and because of the commitment to aftercare can be a lot for a minor, and the fact she made me wait for five minutes after getting the piercing to make sure I didn’t have an immediate reaction like passing out. In any other appointment they just couldn’t wait to get rid of me to get onto the next customer. That’s not to say that this piercing didn’t have its hiccups. I went so overboard with aftercare that it got very irritated. It took me a while to realise why it was so irritated, maybe about four months, so I definitely made it worse while I was trying to treat it. It’s been five months now and it’s been the smoothest healing period I’ve ever had. Some of the pros I found to going to a professional and getting a needle rather than a piercing gun were-
Even though a professional piercer is more expensive and you’re going to have to wait a little longer, there are so many more benefits to going to a professional rather than going to a retail shop to get it done. Every piercing is going to hurt. Cartilage piercings are going to hurt more. Out of all of mine, my septum hurt the most. It felt like I had been punched in the face. It didn’t last for much longer than a few seconds, though. I remember it hurting and what kind of pain I thought it was like at the time, but now I can’t remember how it felt, only what I thought about it. Where you get your piercing is also important. Surface piercings are much more likely to reject. A surface piercing is a piercing on a flat area, like an eyebrow piercing. It’s important to research what piercing you want before getting it done, and it’s important to know the risks. Aftercare is important. Personally, for the first few weeks I washed my piercing with salt water about three to four times a day. After the first two to three weeks, I toned it down to just doing it in the morning and night. I stopped at about four months, but I’m checking it almost every day to ensure it’s healing. It’s important to move your piercings, but only do this when they’re either wet or are moving on their own. Don’t force them to move. Personally, I leave the original jewellery in for anywhere between six months and a year. I’m going to leave my septum in for nine months, just because of the hiccups I’ve had with irritating it, but that could change if something goes wrong again. It’s important you don’t change it before it’s healed, which means when it’s not tender and when it isn’t crusty. I’m not a piercer. I’m just a nineteen-year-old who loves piercings and has no self-control. I’m already looking at getting my nose re-pierced. Because I can be impulsive, as soon as an idea pops into my head, I do the research because I know it’ll only take one drunk night for me to book an appointment for a piercing. I want to be prepared for that. It’s important that you do what feels best for you, and what’s safe. If you want a piercing, research the piercing and the place you want to go to to get it done. It’s so important to know what these piercings need and what to do if something goes wrong. Useful links - What to know before getting a piercing - https://www.insider.com/what-to-know-before-getting-a-piercing-2018-8#you-can-usually-still-breastfeed-after-a-nipple-piercing-11 Aftercare - https://www.astridandmiyu.com/pages/piercing-aftercare By Camille One of the hardest aspects about having a good time is when it ends, and all you have left are the images of those moments flashing behind your eyelids. As I have mentioned in one of my previous articles, I already struggle with staying in the moment, due to my excessive daydreaming. The immense anticipation for when a good time turns into a memory does not exactly help me stay in the moment as I already begin to long for that good moment.
I did not realize that I was struggling with these feelings of anticipation until recently when I have had the time to travel back a couple of years to reflect on these moments. When I looked back on those moments, I realized that I was sad before these moments even ended because I wanted them to last forever. Forcing myself back into the moment to focus on my feelings in the present-much rather than the future-was a lot harder than I expected. It is important to live in these moments because we need these happy memories to reflect on. Memories also help shape the person we are today, it preserves room for learning and growth as we progress in life. I cannot live in the moment until I directly confront these fears of a fun time turning into a distant memory. As someone who does not go out often, I have large periods of time to focus on these memories as they are so far in between. Most of my time is spent doing the same exact thing every day, so whenever I have the chance of doing something different, it is exciting. The most painful part of reflecting on memories is the desperate desire to go back in that moment, and the realization that I cannot go back is what causes me to avoid these memories. I became conscious of my avoidance of memories when I refused to listen to certain songs because they had memories attached to them. Songs that I frequently listened to throughout high school are long forgotten because it reminds me of the good times I had. Instead of embracing these memories, I find myself avoiding them altogether which is harming my mental health more than helping it. High school was filled with fantastic moments that continue to be regarded distantly as I try to shut out those memories. Moving during my junior year was especially hard as all I had left were memories to reflect on. I was no longer afforded the luxury of creating these memories in the first place. It became painful, and I envied my friends that stayed behind and continued to have good times. I eventually hope to reach a point in my life where memories are welcome and I can live in the moment much rather than focus on my feelings in the future. I will continue to research how I can embrace these memories, especially at points in my life where I need a pick-me-up. Although I have no useful advice for something I have just begun working on, it is important to even admit that this is an issue. Memories should be something that is embraced, and I should happily regard them rather than avoid them. Good memories are meant to evoke bittersweet moments, and I should anticipate when I get to make much more. Until then, I will focus on healthily incorporating memories into my life whenever they make an appearance. By Chelsea Who Am I? According to psychology, Erik Erison stated that mainly when one goes through puberty, identity vs role confusion starts to happen. One questions who they are and why they are that way. The fact is that it has taken me a lot of time and crying to be who I am and be proud.
I’m gonna be honest with you: When I was younger, I sincerely wondered why I was alive. I know, it sounds terrible to say among other things, but it’s the truth. I somehow did not belong anywhere. I was “too hispanic” sometimes, and “too black” other times. There were times where I was “not enough of either” or “too much of both.” I am also part of the LGTBQ+, which made me an even bigger target. I was having identity issues every other week. I wanted so badly to fit in, and I was willing to do anything. I even tried to convince myself I was straight, resulting in having queerphobia. Looking back, it wasn’t worth feeling shameful about; but at the same time it made sense. I saw how horribly others were treated for things they could not control - race, sexuality, even the habits of those associated with them. Humans are not always the most understanding. I told myself “I don't like women, only men. I am straight.” Little did I know that I was neither straight or gay. I felt like I was internally suffocating. It was not just the ongoing identity crisis but also family issues. Plus, I consider myself a pessimist who expects a lot. Oddly that is a juxtaposition to each other and a bit of a paradox. Around the time I turned 16, I realized life was getting better. I started to understand who I am. I identify as a female pansexual, my pronouns are she/her/hers and I am content with this. I am about to be a junior in high school and an official lifeguard in the summer. I am okay with being different. I have nobody to please other than myself. I am enough for me and that's the only thing that matters. All I can do is try my best, and sometimes my best will not be adequate, but that's all I can do. Reader, finding your identity is a challenge, but I want you to try. Examine yourself inside and outside. I may not know you personally, but I can tell you: you are beautiful and you're a person with the world in your hands. It is ok to be different. It is ok to stand out. Actually, it’s better to not be the same or conform to social standards sometimes. Identity is not the same among people and it varies to bring the best out of everyone at different times. Being alive means questioning why. Living means figuring things out, no matter how long it may take or how hard it may be to find the answer. Sometimes life is not the best and makes you want to fall down. Fall down with grace, then get right back up. You are a fighter. Picture life as the best wrestler in the world. Sometimes you will be kicked in the face without a doubt, but ‘the best’ doesn’t mean ‘the strongest.’ We, as humans, hold more strength than life. At the end of the day, your opinion of yourself matters more than what others say to contradict that thought. Finding your identity is scary and difficult, but look towards the peace you will feel at the end, to finally have loved and be honest with yourself enough for you to answer the question: Who Are You? I hope you learn who you are soon enough, and that it guides you to be the best version of yourself. I know you got this! By Divaani To be able to dream is defined through the concept of imagination. Something that is almost too seamless to be able to exist. Something so disconnected from real life. It creates this ideology in our minds that our goals can never be equated to our dreams. Quite frankly, we’ve never dreamed of it because it was always considered something that we could never dream of. Something that was impossible.
We’re taught from a young age to only ever envision the attainable. We’re primed to study long hours at school by teachers and encouraged later on to take on the extracurriculars by parents; only to be sitting in an office through our adulthood and pushing ourselves to work harder. Our lives have gradually started to become the accepted norm of today’s society through the same expectations being thrust upon us all. They corner us into materialising such mental representations of our futures to an extent that we do not have the willpower to think of what could be. The wonder that could be —who you want to be. I think about this a lot. I know I would have had various answers for the different time periods of my life but for now, I want to become someone that I had idolised when I was younger. I want to be someone who can speak up intuitively. I want to be someone who can grow to love herself. I want to be someone who doesn’t feel trapped in a turmoil of expectations. I just want to be free. But why do we have this philosophy that we just can’t do it? This recurring thought that I could never be them. We’ve had so many years of education and yet no one taught us how to love ourselves. Everything we’ve looked at, everything we’ve marvelled at was always something we thought that we could never have or be. The reality is that we’ve all just started to become doubters. And the doubters are just dreamers with broken hearts. It all roots from how we think. For instance, we can all agree that only nothing is impossible. So if nothing is impossible, is it possible for something to be impossible? It’s the funny truth. Once your mindset changes, everything on the outside will change along with it. Anything can be beautiful. What’s beautiful is only beautiful if you want it to be. In other words, if you decide that today no matter what is going to be a good day, it is going to be a good day. Similarly, if you resolve that at any cost, you are going to accomplish your dream, you will one day accomplish your dream. The sky is not the limit; your mind is. You can’t just stop dreaming because the night never seems to end. It all comes down to mindset. By Kenzie In life we often define ourselves as either an introvert or an extrovert. But surely it's not as black and white as that? Can't I be both, or at least somewhere in the middle? My answer to you is yes you can and it's called being an omnivert.
All my life I've said that I'm an introvert. If you take me to a party, I'll spend all my time sitting in the corner. If I'm in a situation with people I don't know, I won't say a word unless someone talks to me first. If you give me the choice of a night in or a night out, I can guarantee that I will choose a night in 99% of the time. So to me, and probably to most other people, those are examples of the behaviors of an introvert. However, if you take me on an evening out with people I know, I'll have the best time. If you take me to a music festival, you'll find me dancing in the middle of a crowd. If someone I don't know starts talking to me,it only takes 10 minutes together for us to be laughing and talking like old friends. What I've just described is the complete opposite of an introvert - it's more extroverted. But I can't be an extrovert and an introvert… can I? But yes, I can. An omnivert is someone who is neither an extrovert nor an introvert, but instead is a mix of both, depending on the situation. You might be thinking 'I've never heard of that.' Chances are you won't have unless you spend a lot of time on the internet, as it is very much an Urban Dictionary coined term. However, it is still very real and describes a lot of us. You may think that you'd rather be one or other - an introvert or an extrovert - but being both is great, and here is why: 1. You're like Hannah Montana If you were a Disney Channel kid like me, you will have heard of Hannah Montana. Hannah Montana is a normal kid by day, and a rockstar by night. Well, being an omnivert is a bit like that. You're extroverted enough to be full of energy, rocking out and being the life of the party at times, but you're also able to chill out, take it slow and let others take the lead. You've got the best of both worlds, and that's pretty cool. 2. You know it's okay to be unpopular Nowadays, everyone seems to want a lot of Instagram followers or a lot of likes on their Facebook profile pictures in order to feel validated and be one of the cool kids. But not you. You can just enjoy the act of being invisible, since by being part introvert, you are only the centre of attention when you choose to be. 3. You are trustworthy Being loud and confident does not always equal being great and truthful. Extroverts tend to be loud and talkative all the time but that doesn't mean that what they’re saying is meaningful or true. As an omnivert, you most likely won't talk as much, but when you do, your words are simple and powerful and in your case, less is most definitely more. 4. You know more about other people As an introvert, it can sometimes feel like you're invisible, but that can be great. You can watch other people and analyse them without you having to invade their personal space. Then, the introverted part of you can use that outsider knowledge to detect when someone is trying to deceive you or is being inauthentic. That protects you and makes you have the upper hand with anyone who thinks they can pull wool over your eyes. The bottom line is, omniverts are pretty cool and they're all around us. Sometimes you won't even be able to tell since they're like chameleons, clever and powerful. . You're pretty special, so embrace being an omnivert and people will love you for it - and if they don't, just remember point no.2 (who cares?!)
Setting and achieving goals is crucial for a successful and meaningful life because they give direction, self-worth, and a feeling of purpose. The most fundamental strategy I employ is objectivism, an Ayn Rand-developed philosophy that emphasises the value of individualism, reason, and rational self-interest. By highlighting the ideas of productivity, reason, and moral egoism, it offers a framework for accomplishing goals.
Having a strong foundation is cardinal for a strong superstructure, and that strong foundation for achieving your goals, is objectivism. To pursue your objectives and pleasure, you must modify the principles of objectivism to fit your particular situation and set of values. We will look at some of the systems that objectivism supports, their importance, how we can apply them in our daily lives, and some real-life challenges that people are mostly facing with this error and how we can use this philosophy to overcome challenges. Firstly, you must be able to define your goals just as objectivism encourages. Consider defining your goals, making sure they align with your values, desires, and rational self-interest. This clarity saves you from chasing arbitrary or contradictory goals by helping you grasp what you want to accomplish. Secondly, practice rational thought. Apply logic and critical thinking to assess your objectives and the procedures required to reach them. Identify, evaluate, and successfully handle problems in place of making judgments based on feelings or illogical ideas. Not only that, but you can also succeed in achieving your goals by practising consistency and honesty in your activities and adhering to a code of ethics that is in line with your beliefs. Accept responsibility for your decisions and deeds, and don't hold other people responsible for your results; keep your attention on the important things and stay away from distractions. These virtues that objectivism advocates for, such as upholding moral integrity, self-responsibility, and rational self-interest, are among the other important components that will guarantee that your goals pursuit stays morally upright; hence, it is very cardinal to put these theories into practice because you will be able to identify your true ambitions and develop a strong sense of passion for them, which will increase the likelihood that you will remain dedicated and put in the necessary effort to reach them. It will also assist in making well-informed decisions that are consistent with your priorities and values, allowing you to devote your time, effort, and resources to endeavours that have personal significance. Not only that, but it also helps in decreasing the chance of expensive errors that could undermine your objectives. Upholding individualism is another approach to using objectivism to accomplish your goals. Nowadays, people are dealing with issues like social pressure, fear of rejection, and peer pressure. Instances of evident difficulties include individuals who have been significantly impacted by peer groups. To fit in with a particular group, some teenagers have given in to peer pressure and engaged in risky behaviours, such as substance abuse. Many have also faced the challenge of social media comparisons on the internet. Constant exposure to carefully curated photos and stories on social media has resulted in fear of comparison and judgement. This is so because many compare their lives to the seemingly flawless accomplishments and lives of others online and end up being discouraged from embracing their uniqueness and authenticity, resulting in making decisions that do not align with their personal goals. These experiences have discouraged many people from pursuing their individualistic aspirations, but to break free from all of these ties, people must apply objectivism by upholding individualism because when they do so, they will not only accomplish their own goals but also enrich the world with their varied experiences and viewpoints, making it a more vibrant place for everyone. Along with helping one's behaviour become more in line with who they are, this will also promote well-being and a sense of satisfaction that eventually leads to a deeper, independent sense of meaning and purpose in life. Giving it your all fervently is another essential component of reaching your objectives. Accept responsibility for your decisions and deeds, and don't hold other people responsible for your results; keep your attention on the important things, and stay away from distractions. Surround yourself with people who can offer you helpful advice that will hone your objectives and tactics. Make constructive criticism a tool that enables you to discover your blind spots and pinpoint your areas of weakness and growth by making the required adjustments. Receiving feedback from others, especially from people with greater experience or skill, can also yield insightful information that improves work quality and excellence. Lastly, keep learning, growing, protecting your property, and remaining loyal to your principles. By absorbing knowledge from others, you can enhance your abilities and adjust your objectives and strategies in light of fresh insights and encounters. Aim to accomplish your goals while adhering to your morals, respecting the rights of others, and never compromising your essential principles. In conclusion, Objectivism is key, as it provides a powerful philosophical foundation for achieving your goals. You can define and pursue meaningful goals that result in success and happiness for yourself by respecting individual rights, understanding, applying, and aligning with your logical self-interest, and embracing reason. Maintaining self-worth, productivity, and integrity are essential components of a happy journey towards your goals. Indeed, objectivism is the cornerstone and strong foundation upon which one can achieve their goals when applied. If you could travel back in time what would you tell your younger self? Maybe you’d tell yourself to study harder for that one chemistry test. Or maybe you’d tell yourself to ask that one guy out in seventh grade.
Whatever it is, reminiscing is an important part of many of our lives. As important as it is to focus on the future, it is just as important to look back and reflect on our past. Every single day, from every single experience, we learn and grow. We learn from our mistakes and our accomplishments. We learn from our good days and our bad. We are the product of our past and what we’ve learned from it. Throughout my life, there have been many amazing milestones: my first day of middle school, my first exam, my first boyfriend, and so on. However, with these amazing milestones came the not so great ones: my first time getting bullied, my first time failing an exam, and my first heartbreak. The older that I get, the more time I spend thinking back on everything that has happened in my life - from my best wins to my biggest failures. As I look back, I can see how much I have changed as a person. In seventh grade, I was an insecure little girl that ate in the school bathroom alone everyday and cried herself to sleep every night. I have to admit, I am still not perfect or even anywhere close to it. However, I have changed and grown more than I ever thought I could and from all my experiences and everything I have learned, these are the pieces of advice that I would give myself if I could go back in time:
Life is messy and complicated. But everything that happens is a chance for us to learn and grow, which is why it is so important to be able to look back at the past and learn from experiences. Now that you know what advice I would give to myself, what are some of the things that you would tell your younger self? Have a great day! Erica xx |
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Teenagers With Experience is an online organisation created to provide teenagers worldwide with an online platform to share their own experiences to be able to help, inform and educate others on a variety of different topics. We aim to provide a safe space to all young people.
Please note that the content on this website is created by teenagers. While we strive to provide accurate and helpful information, it is important to remember that we are not professional experts. If you are experiencing a crisis or need professional advice, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or a helpline. |