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By Chloë As you probably guessed from the title of this article, I am in fact experienced in the field of ‘Friends with Benefits’. Shocking, I know.
Now, most people will tell you this is a bad idea. You’re going to get hurt, heartbroken, forced into an uncomfortable situation, or all of the above. For some people, I am sure this is the case, and I am sure they would be screaming at me right now for even posing the concept of a positive version of FwB. Ultimately, this is a story of how my current relationship came to be. I hope you enjoy the ride. I’d just gone through a breakup, my first real breakup, the first time I’d had my heart fully, utterly, and undeniably shattered by someone who no longer gave me the time of day. I was fragile. Vulnerable. Weak. So, being me, I reached out to someone I’d never really spoken to before. Any change was a good change, right? We met up, went on a walk, and then two days later made out. This was mistake number one. We rushed into things too quickly (he was also going through a breakup) and were using each other to try and fill the void our exes had left behind. To say the least, it didn’t work. I decided a relationship was too much for me, but couldn’t escape the desperation I felt for physical touch and affection. I needed someone to hold me, and so did he. That’s when the FwB situation began, from a time of hopelessness and pain. But, as we both began healing, we realised it was because of one another. We realised that, in some weird way, being FwB was helping us grow from our pasts. We began enjoying each other’s company, spending more time just ‘hanging out’ as mates, and the FwB pushed to the side. A bond was formed between us. He always listened when I complained, cried, and/or yelled about my ex, and I accepted and understood his quiet nature. I got him and he got me. But, I still wasn’t ready for more. I think we ‘dated’ around 3 times before it stuck. I got scared, ran away, messed things up over and over and over, but he remained a constant in my otherwise rocky, hectic life. So, yes, I do think FwB can have its perks. If with the right person, you have someone who cares for you, comforts you, and supports you, without any of the extra relationship mess that you just can’t deal with sometimes. But, the wrong person could manipulate you, gaslight you, and even potentially break your heart. Ultimately, you have to ask yourself one simple question: Am I doing this for the right reasons? These being: “I care for them, I just don’t have the time to fully commit.” If so, I would say go for it and then, when you are both ready, you can decide together through mutual understanding and respect, whether you want to take things further or stop them altogether. One point I want to clarify is this: as soon as you feel uncomfortable, you need to make that decision. Things will only get worse if you sit in the dark, whether that be concealing deeper feelings for the person, or wanting to opt out of the FwB altogether. I’ll admit, at some points I was doing it for the wrong reason. I was craving the feeling of being loved and so I manipulated him into doing so, before running away when the exact thing I wanted happened. It was only after I ended the FwB and we started dating that I fully let my guard down, and accepted his and my own emotions comfortably. My main pieces of advice are:
Friends with Benefits are unconventional, foreign things, but they can also be the beautiful, unconventional, surprising foundations of a relationship you didn’t know you needed, and you didn’t dream of coming to be.
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By Anindita “Why should we know the anatomy of the opposite gender?” “Periods, sex, birth control, the reproductive system, etc. are so disgusting to talk about.” As much as we may believe this, it just isn’t true. Both reproductive health, issues and sex are a natural result of being human.
In my opinion, parents or family should be the first to introduce sex education to children before they enter puberty. They should also be taught to express their curiosity about sex education too and talk about it with anyone without any hesitation. Unfortunately, not all parents or family members quite do the opposite. For instance, my mom taught me not to talk about periods or other female reproductive health concerns with my father or brother. She also reminded me that “these are female talks and should be secretive.” She never talked about reproductive issues with me because she felt it was unnecessary. I learned about sexuality, periods and other reproductive issues from my friends at school. They used to talk about them freely. I used to wonder how they talked about such secretive issues openly. Eventually, I realized that these are not secret topics but rather human nature. We have a chapter about sex education in our biology books for Class 12 (Year 12, Grade 12), but our teachers always skip that chapter. One day, my friends and I decided to read that chapter and we wondered why our teachers skipped such an important lesson. From this experience of my life, I believe that we should talk about not only our reproductive system but also those of the opposite sex, too. Doing so may be beneficial to somebody who doesn’t understand he/she/they may have any reproductive diseases or causes for concern. Now, here are some additional reasons as to why we should normalize sexual education:
How sex education should be taught, in my opinion,
If sex education is discussed openly, I believe children will feel less awkward about exploring their curiosity in ways other than performance. Should they be in their teenage years, they can also learn from others’ experiences. In conclusion, we should treat sexuality as both normal and a natural part of human development. Children should be taught about sex education in a non-bias manner before they learn about misinformation, bias opinions and myths from false sources. Some book recommendations for sex education: 1. It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health by Robie Harris 2. S.E.X. by Heather Corinna 3. For Goodness Sex: Changing the Way We Talk to Teens About Sexuality, Values, and Health by Al Vernacchio Some useful websites 1.https://www.scarleteen.com/ 2.https://www.advocatesforyouth.org/ By Kenzie Losing your virginity can be a scary prospect. You don’t know what to expect, whether it will be pleasurable, whether you’ll be good at it or not and generally just what your first time is like. I know all those feelings and I hope that this article will help to quell those fears and make it slightly less daunting when the time comes.
The phrase ‘losing your virginity’ refers to a person’s first time having sex. Typically, people class sex as penis-in-vagina (PIV) penetrative sex. However, sex and virginity can mean various things to different individuals, whether it refers to oral sex (blowjobs, licking, sucking etc.) or other sexual acts. For the purposes of this article, I am going to be referring to PIV sex but I do not intend to discount anybody else’s definition of losing their virginity. The average age at which most UK individuals lose their virginity is somewhere between 16 and 18 (source: NHS Borders/Metro) but some people are younger and others are older. It all depends on the person. I lost my virginity very recently and also at an older age than the average. I was 22 years old when I first had sex. There were a few reasons why I waited until I was more mature to have sex. The first reason and arguably most important reason, is that I wasn’t ready. At first, whenever I thought of having sex, it terrified me and I really did not want to even think about it, let alone do it. The second reason was that I had never really been in a serious healthy relationship before. For me, sex is a very intimate act and I wholeheartedly bought into the cliche of not losing my virginity until I was in love. That’s not to say that I think people shouldn’t have sex until they’re in love - it’s just what felt right to me. So when I was 22 and met my,unfortunately now, ex-boyfriend and fell in love with him, I started thinking about sex. I was still very scared to begin with but, when we were about a month into the relationship, we started messing about together and I realised the thought of having sex no longer scared me. It felt natural, and safe. The first time was weird, honestly. It was a bit awkward as I had no clue what I was doing and it was slightly painful to start with I didn’t find it particularly pleasurable as I was very self conscious. I even cried afterwards. But the main thing that hit me was that I didn’t feel any different The first thing I want to highlight is that in my opinion, losing your virginity is not as big of a deal as people make it out to be. You may have heard everyone hyping up your first time and talking about breaking your hymen but honestly, it’s really not worth it. You can break your hymen by riding a horse or using a tampon - it’s nothing to do with sex. As I said, I didn’t feel any different after sex. So whilst it’s okay to be worried or nervous, don’t let the hype overwhelm you. Also, another really important thing is to not compare yourself to anybody else, and don’t think that you have to have sex just because somebody else you know did. As I mentioned, I was much older than the average age and I knew a lot of my friends had lost their virginity already. There is no correct age that you should lose your virginity though. It is all about when you feel ready and safe and when you want to have sex. Whether you’re 16 or 22 or even older, it is solely your decision and no-one else’s. Now onto some of the things to expect when you have sex for the first time.
Overall, nobody can tell you when the right time to lose your virginity is. That choice is yours and yours alone. Just make sure that you do it when you feel ready and I hope that this article helps to put some of your fears at ease and dispel any misconceptions. |
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Teenagers With Experience is an online organisation created to provide teenagers worldwide with an online platform to share their own experiences to be able to help, inform and educate others on a variety of different topics. We aim to provide a safe space to all young people. You can contact us via email, social media or our contact form.
Please note that the content on this website is created by teenagers. While we strive to provide accurate and helpful information, it is important to remember that we are not professional experts. If you are experiencing a crisis or need professional advice, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or a helpline. |