Growing Pains

Friendships can end for many reasons, in many ways. Sometimes, it’s a big argument, resulting in all ties being torn apart in a whirlwind of emotions, sometimes there are constant disagreements causing too much stress on both people. Whether calm or explosive, the end of a friendship hurts, but what is not often talked about is when, rather than going up in an explosion of emotion, the comforting, warm fire seems to have gone out leaving behind a cold void. 

So how can you handle it when the elastic of your friendship seems to have stretched too far to ever go back to how it once was?

For the duration of primary school I had a very close friend andwe had known each other since we were toddlers. We were the type of best friends who would make up handshakes, secret languages, and trade friendship bracelets. In our second to last year I made the decision to take the exam for grammar school. She was very supportive of this, but didn’t want to take it herself. When I passed the exam, we remained very close and promised we would meet up each week. We were willing to put in the effort to remain best friends, even at different schools. 

This worked for some time, but I began to notice how different we and our interests had become, sometimes it felt as if we were having two completely different conversations. Missing one meet up became missing two and so on. Before I knew it, we hadn’t seen each other in a year. Earlier this year we ran into each other after three years; it was an odd interaction to say the least. Where we would once barely be able to talk because we were laughing too much, now every word felt forced. Our conversation went as far as asking how school was and what GCSE options we picked, and then silence. 

Although a sad situation there are ways of dealing with growing apart that can make the process a little easier for everyone involved:

Acknowledge the friendship for what it was – Whilst it can be sad to remember what a friendship was compared to what it may have become, you should acknowledge that it was once good. It is okay to feel upset over the loss of that, but you can be happy that you did experience such a great friendship at one point and enjoy those memories. 

Accept that it is not in your control – Everyone changes as they grow up, and that cannot be prevented; growing apart is out of your control and there is nobody to blame. For this reason, the first step to feeling better about it is to accept that change is constant and not something that can be stopped. Rather than looking back, look forward and have excitement for positive changes that may soon take place in your life.

Appreciate what you have – When saddened by the loss of a friendship, think of your other friendships and appreciate how amazing they are, appreciate that since that friendship was once so great the chances are you will have other amazing friendships!

Forgive – If you have grown apart from someone it can be easy to slip into a feeling of anger and resentment towards them or even yourself. Carrying such a negative weight with you can take its toll, and it is better for everyone involved if you accept and forgive, that way moving on will feel easier.
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Losing any friendship is extremely difficult, especially when it is out of your control. Often a friendship ending in an argument is easier to handle as there is someone to blame, and an obvious reason, but when it feels like your friendship is a burnt out candle, no gust of wind to be angry at, and no way of saving the wax from melting, it is difficult to get over. Hopefully, this article helps to ease the process of growing apart. 

• Jasmine 

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