How To Deal With Embarrassing Memories - A Beginners Guide To Stop Giving A Damn

By NJ

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So I just did a quick google (well bing but like, Google sounds better.) search and found that the internet was exploding with articles and videos on how to do this (I was really hoping this might be at least a semi-original Idea but okay I guess.). I mean we all know that feeling when you are ready to go to bed but then you are on the very verge of succumbing to sleep and then some memory about how you yelled at Steven in the school hallway dramatically as a 10 year old pops up into your mind and then you can’t sleep. It's mortifying and makes you wanna dig a hole and bury yourself. 

Well I am what the French would call dramatique. Well actually it's just the word dramatic in french so I could also say - I am what the Germans would call dramatisch - but that doesn’t sound quite as dramatic. Cool? Ok. But anyhow, I have always been a little hyperactive and often act without thinking. So I can write a six part book series about my embarrassing memories and there would still be some left. All of this results in me often getting lost in my own head but then remembering something so horrific that I am thrown back into reality. It will take hours for me to stop cringing at myself. It is the actual worst. And ofcourse, me being me, I will re-play that memory in my head for the next week, picking apart every little detail until I can play out that scene in my head perfectly. Why? I have no clue. I don’t have a time machine and I absolutely cannot reverse this moment in time but my mind feels the need to do this. I have a theory that this is born more out of a need to make sure that I didn’t humiliate myself thoroughly as opposed to my mind being so traumatized by something that it finds the need to replay it in order to process it. 

But this becomes a problem when that's all your mind can focus on. I have lost weeks of my life simply because of some memory I couldn’t put to rest. At first I just sort of tried to ignore it. I mean what else could I do. It was in the past and there was nothing I could do. But as most of you could already guess, that just made it worse. I still have this problem mind you, but there are these brief moments of clarity I have sometimes where my mind completely accepts whatever embarrassing memory I have dug and just goes “Oh well. Whatever it was, it's a done deal. So just move on.”. I feel this odd feeling of comfort and happiness spread through me. It's one of those moments of unconditional acceptance of oneself that makes you happy. But over time I have found ways to induce that sense of acceptance rather than wait for it.

Everyone has done dumb things - Yep. We all have. No one, no matter how suave, can claim to have been born perfect. We have all done things that we would like to erase from memory. 
People pay far less attention to their surroundings than they should - We see and experience a million things on a daily basis but we often retain only a fraction of it. This means no one actually saw that embarrassing thing you think they saw you do. And even if they did, they will forget it within minutes. We are all the protagonists in our own story so we don’t actually see and retain everything that everyone else does around us.

People see what they want to see - Going to competitions involving speaking and a LOT of people has some perks. One being that you are around a lot of people who you have never met. However, it's a valuable opportunity to learn to give off the confident vibe. People naturally cluster around people who are confident. Even if they don’t actually make any sense. I have presented things and made a painfully dumb mistakes like reading a word wrong or stumbling. Did I die of mortification inside? Yeah. But did I shrug it off later on and pretend as if everything is ok? Absolutely. Thing is if you are self assured, people won’t actually fight against you too much. Bullying is a completely different thing. But as far as jokes and people bringing up embarrassing memories go, if you appear indifferent (even if you aren’t) people won’t try to embarrass you. They’ll back off. 

Honestly...it's fine to do dumb things - Seriously though it’s perfectly fine to do stupid things no matter how old you are (within reason that is….stupid and dangerous is not a great mix). Having a light hearted attitude towards life is often something that is incredibly useful. Being comfortable in your own skin is the first step to being confident. So breathe. It's fine. You're doing great.

Basically the takeaway is that things don’t actually matter as much as we think they do. Be your own self and if people tell you that you are too immature or carefree, well too bad because that's their opinion. And people’s opinions are not a standard you are expected to meet.