my journey to develop a healthy relationship with food

I don’t know what it is about growing up that misses out on the part where you are magically supposed to know how to cook and eat a balanced meal every day three times a day, I must have missed that part. Even though we learned at school what a balanced meal is, it was difficult to implement that into daily life, our food was controlled by our caregivers or parents. As we grow into our teenage years we face many insecurities about our bodies especially now that social media is so accessible and beauty standards are even more unachievable, almost everyone has dieted, worried about their bodies, or developed an unhealthy relationship with food, alongside a misunderstanding on what is unhealthy.

This is why growing up I was anemic, probably vitamin deficient as well because I did not know what food I should be incorporating into my diet, alongside other financial barriers and struggles. Despite all that, my South Asian mother cooked up delicious food every day, vegetable curries, lamb, chicken rice, but sometimes the food we got every day was repetitive and did not incorporate a variety of different food groups. There usually was one big meal in the evening and the rest would have been a school meal and I would normally skip breakfast in the morning. They say breakfast is the most important part of the day and my rumbling stomach and low energy would vouch for that every morning. Skipping breakfast or meals in general is proven to be very unhealthy, I used to be distracted by hunger at school, unable to concentrate, slow metabolism because of the inconsistent meals, so do not skip meals. In fact I have several small meals throughout the day and it keeps me focused and healthy, speeding my metabolism. 

However, I was privileged to get home-cooked meals daily but as a family, we did not have an enriched understanding of how important it is to have a balanced meal, increase the fiber, increase vegetables and fruit every single day.

At the age of 15, I became anemic and I took that incredibly lightly, I would not take my iron tablets on time until I started noticing over the years how much hair had fallen out and how pale I had gotten. I was not eating a diet with a variety of food groups, I was always trying new diets in my teenage years, porridge diet, no eating evening meal diets, which thankfully never turned into an eating disorder, but it very much could have. Now in my early 20s, I discovered I had a vitamin D deficiency and was losing hair because of it, a lot of hair, clearly indicating that I was not eating a balanced diet. This came as a shock to me because I love eating, I enjoy pretty much every vegetable and fruit but realized that my daily diet was poor, and some weeks were great but there was inconsistency. One week I would have some rice, lentils, curry, vegetable curry, mushrooms, salad, eggs, mango, apple, pineapple, and plenty of snacks. The next week I would barely eat proper meals and eat junk food or odd meals the entire week, and sometimes the bad week would extend to two or three weeks. My point is that we all need to eat foods that are suited for our own bodies, for me, I needed a diet which had tons of vitamin D and Iron, for someone else it might be different.

As we grow, we have to build back our relationship with food, we have to tear apart the idea that carbs such as pasta and bread are bad for you, or you should only have portions the size of a pea or that sugar should be forbidden. Believe it or not, carbs can help you lose weight, in fact, you can eat anything if you eat it with a healthy diet. If you were to eat mostly vegetables in your diet, you could still become deficient in other things. The idea is to have balance, experiment, and stop labeling, because food impacts us all differently, it changes our bodies differently and we must stop associating negativity with food, all types of food!

I came across some inspiring Tiktoks a few days ago, which speaks about diet culture and how toxic it is, it manipulates our minds into thinking something is healthy when it is no less healthy than what they say is bad for us. Take, for example, a Tiktoker going by the name @myhealthydish was doing a series called ‘Eat this not that’ she substituted peanut butter, for powdered ‘Skippy Peanut Butter’ which is made into a paste by adding almond milk, she showed the viewers the difference in fat content and why they should start eating the powdered, processed version just because it is fewer calories than normal peanut butter which is made up of peanuts and salt. The problem here is that she is villainizing ordinary foods that are not harmful to you or even seen as ‘junk food’ and making you feel bad for eating them, telling you that you should eat a processed powdered version of a more natural product made out of peanuts, just because it’s a couple of calories less. She is perpetuating diet culture, assuming that everyone should try and eat fewer calories when not everyone should, and the false idea that fewer calories equal health.

So here I am, in my early 20s, discovering food through a different pair of eyes.The moment I started doing that was when my hair started falling out again and was tested for a vitamin D deficiency, I was not eating a diet that had variety, a diet in which my body could absorb different types of vitamins. I am passionate about food, I live to eat, fond of cooking and learning new recipes and yet this happened to me?
Food was always on my mind, fruit, vegetables, meat, I loved them all, I am the least fussy eater you could meet, yet I was not getting the nutrients I needed until I realized change starts when I take apart the negative beliefs I had about food and guilt.

So, a balanced meal for me looks something like this, chicken and rice shawarma, a chocolate cake, cut up pieces of mango, pomegranate, a green smoothie, and some water. Now, this might be too much for some people, but for me, this is a good amount that is good for my digestive system, that has different food groups, where I am not restricting sugar from my diet, I am including it in some meals and I feel full and happy and not deprived nor guilty. Another day might look like this; egg sandwich, pasta salad, two packets of crisp, chapati, chocolate, lentil curry, and rice. It is all about perspective, I am not conscious of how much I eat, I am conscious of what food will give me energy, give me vitamin D, Iron, fiber, nutrients that will make my skin and hair healthy, make me feel less tired, rather than looking at it from the restrictive point of view where I am only focused on weight loss. I just want to pay my body back for getting me up in the morning, getting me through a 12 hour night shift, supporting me when I do my daily activities, that is how I look at food now, how I can keep my body doing these lovely things it does for me and how to enjoy it in a variety of ways.

Tiktok surprisingly has helped me enormously with food positivity, bringing different points of view on food portions, carbohydrates, and how I can lose healthy amounts of weight or just be healthy in general.
Some Tiktokers I would recommend are:
(Dietician: @hannahmagee_rd),
(Body Positivity @Brittanilancaster),
(Mental Health/Food Positivity: @victoriagarrick4)
​and plenty more that I may have forgotten to mention.
​Disclaimer: I am not paid to promote any of the following people I mentioned, I just enjoy their content. 

By Wania Syeda 

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