Nothing but a name

I regret trying so hard –
Trying even when I knew it wasn’t going to work
Trying even when I didn’t hear from you 
Trying even when I could feel myself crumbling.
Because you weren’t trying – 
Not trying when the distance stretched on
Not trying when the days ticked by 
Not trying when the image of me began to fade.
So now I’m nothing more than a childhood name,
A whisper of a memory.

We started as something more than sisters,
And now I’m nothing but a name. 

I regret not moving on when I left you –
Not letting go when I knew it was time
Not forcing myself to stop when you didn’t respond
For bothering you for so long.
Because you were already moving on –
When I gave you one last hug
When I waved goodbye
When I disappeared from your sight.

We started as something more than sisters
And now I’m nothing but a name.

Nothing but a name that you’ll forget,
Nothing but a memory that will fade,
Nothing but a face you’ll only see in pictures.

I regret letting the doubt in–
Letting myself fall to pieces 
Letting myself think it was my fault
Letting myself cry over you.
Because you weren’t crying. 
You were laughing,
Smiling, 
Forgetting. 

We started as something more than sisters
And now I’m nothing but a name. 

I regret so much, 
But I don’t regret leaving.
Because now I am me,
And you are you,
And we’re where we’re meant to be. 

~Madeline

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