Online Support Groups for People with Social Anxiety

​By Heidy

Compared to the general population, people with SAD tend to struggle with developing and maintaining friendships. Support groups are an opportunity to meet new people facing similar challenges; the key benefit is realizing you're not alone in your mental health journey. Support groups are not group therapy; they can be led by a professional therapist or by anyone with SAD and a desire to create a community of other SAD folks. Support groups provide opportunities for individuals to share how social anxiety affects their lives, ask and receive feedback, hear about others’ experiences, or discuss anything related or unrelated to SAD. People can exchange advice on how they overcame a fear or obstacle, like tips on how to succeed at small talk or how to make friends.

Social anxiety is characterized as a fear of embarrassment, humiliation, and being criticized or judged. Fundamentally, it’s a tendency towards extreme distress in social situations that can result in social avoidance and hinder individuals from developing interpersonal relationships. Not surprisingly, this social avoidance can cause people with SAD to live without any kind of support system. 

Avoiding social situations can impair your day-to-day life. According to a 2000 study, people with social anxiety have fewer interpersonal relationships in their lives than the general population. We find it hard to develop and maintain close relationships. Avoiding social situations can relax your nerves in the moment, but your anxiety increases over time if you keep avoiding the situation you're afraid of. What triggers our avoidance strategy is fear that people will notice how much of a nervous wreck we are and make judgments that we're weird, abnormal, or stuck up because we're too quiet.

I couldn't see myself ever joining a support group. It seemed like the scariest thing ever: getting together with a group of new people who are just as quiet as I am. My biggest fear was being in groups. I forget I even have social anxiety until I find myself in a group, and then it all comes crashing down. Even being in a room with three people can make me feel panicky. I feel as though something is holding my throat that keeps me from speaking up. I find myself getting irritable in these types of social situations because I'm frustrated that I can't just turn on a switch and speak. 

In February 2021, I started attending a social anxiety support group after I started mental health therapy. I wanted to do more outside of therapy to overcome social anxiety. The internet hands you access to hundreds of social anxiety support groups around the world. I live in a small town with very few options, so I searched for support groups in the nearest cities and found one through a website called Meet Up. Due to the COVID-19 restrictions, joining a support group was easy because all I had to do was enter a Zoom call; if it went awry, I could quickly exit out. I don't even have to have my camera on, I could just do a voice call. 

As hard as it was to put myself out there at first, I’m so glad I joined my support group. The people are so kind! I can see that they were struggling with social anxiety, too. The awkward moments help reduce the pressure to be socially competent and perfect. No one is perfect. My social anxiety support group lasts for 2 hours but I have left early. These meetings can take place once a week or once every two weeks or once a month. Take advantage of these online support groups!

My support group helped me feel less alone. When you find people with shared experiences, it’s reassuring to know that everyone in the room or video conference call is just as terrified as you are. Hearing how someone overcame their social anxiety is motivating. It's one of the only settings where you don't have to explain why you're so quiet or have it pointed out. Almost everyone feels anxious, too. 

An online support group is a safe space to experiment, learn to put yourself out there, and reach for those small goals. You might not feel like talking in your first meeting, or the third or fifteenth meeting. Give yourself some time to take that leap and jump into the conversation. I noticed that I didn't need to say anything brilliant to contribute to the conversation. In one meeting, there was a moment of silence and I gathered the courage to ask, "Hey, so what are everyone's plans for this spring?" I felt extremely proud of myself. A few people responded back and then I made a brief comment about how satisfying spring cleaning can be. You can say a quick remark and then step back and listen to others. That's progress! When I'm in the meetings, my goal is usually to just say something, aside from the introductions, and I don't always accomplish that. I'm more scared or insecure on some days than others. Online support groups are beneficial as exposure practice and can encourage others to seek other types of support like therapy.

Going to an online support group is a HUGE step towards overcoming your fear of social settings. The biggest fear that fuels my social anxiety is looking dumb in front of a group of people. At the start of each group meeting, attendees introduce themselves: their name, where they're from, their experience with SAD, and their interests. People always have the option to not introduce themselves. I'm usually always tense and nervous when my name comes around and I'm asked if I would like to make an introduction. I would think that I had to be 100% ready to speak up, but I was never 100% ready. When I’m distressed, I’m rarely certain what I’m going to say. However, after saying my name and letting people know a little about me, I feel more confident to speak up and more connected to the group. Just saying it, however imperfect it comes out, is an achievement.

To calm your nerves, you can create a relaxing environment at home. Have your pet keep you company while you're in the video call. Light a candle or turn on a diffuser for a soothing aroma. Take an hour beforehand to do anything that is enjoyable for you like reading, exercising, playing video games, or listening to music.

The more you expose yourself to frightening, anxiety-inducing social situations, the less anxiety you will experience over time, little by little. The body cannot be under a permanent state of fight-or-flight response; eventually, your body will realize that you're still safe and alive after joining a support group meeting, and you’ll be able to relax. It will take time. 

Support groups are beneficial because you will be able to relate to others who are experiencing the exact same anxieties. Video calls are an easy way to dip your toes in the water and begin confronting your fears about new people. In the beginning, just listening in on the conversations and being an observer is progress. Please do not feel that you’re not gaining anything from the group if you do not speak. No one is perfect, and you’re not as weird as your inner critic makes you feel. Joining a support group can help you see yourself in a more self-loving way. 

Support Group Resources:

• MeetUp.com - A site that connects you to virtual and in-person global communities of like-minded individuals, including online support groups for people with social anxiety.
• Anxiety and Depression Association of America (https://adaa.org/supportgroups?title=&field_sg_state_value=All) - A search directory for online and in-person support groups in the United States. In the search bar, type in "social anxiety" and add in your state. You may be able to find several options. Unfortunately, there may be very limited options in some states.
• https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/peer-support-directory/ - A search directory for mental health peer support groups in the UK