Overcoming the unknown

​By Kenzie

The unknown is one of the scariest things in the world to me. I hate not knowing what's going to happen and so that's why new things are so scary to me. If I've never done something before, it makes me anxious because I have no idea what to expect. I don't know how I'm going to feel, I don't know if I'm going to enjoy it, I don't know if the people I meet along the way will be nice or not - it's all unknown. 

Recently, I have been trying to overcome my fear of the unknown by trying new things. One of the new things I tried was a boudoir photoshoot I'm very much a behind-the-camera person, and I'm definitely not your 'if you've got it, flaunt it' kind of girl. I'm happiest when I'm the one taking the photos wearing leggings and a t-shirt. Boudoir fashion could not be more different. It is all about flaunting your body and wearing skimpy sexy lingerie with high heels and suspenders. But it was something that I had never had the opportunity to do before, so I gave it a go. 

I arrived at the studio with my mum in tow (designated driver and my photoshoot partner) and I was very nervous. I made my mum go first so I had more of an idea of what to expect but I was still super nervous when it came to my turn. The studio manager put some of my favourite music on to make me feel a bit more relaxed so with Panic! At The Disco and Brendon Urie crooning in the background, I’d exhausted all my methods of procrastination and it was finally time to strip down. My first outfit was a green sheer babydoll dress with some extremely high, very sparkly, slightly too big heels. I looked like Bambi learning to walk for the first time in those heels, which didn’t help my nerves at all. The first few photos were taken in front of a ring light whilst I was sitting on a circular veranda and I felt very awkward and exposed. You could see the stretch marks on my thighs, the acne scars on my cheeks, the wobbly bits on my arms and my breasts felt very droopy, thanks to the lack of support in this lingerie. But as time went on, I got more comfortable and less conscious. By the end, I felt like a goddess and the photos 100% reflect how I felt. 

I think it's always a good thing to try something that you've never done before. I know it's difficult and scary, but I'm so glad that I did the photoshoot and would do it again in a heartbeat. In the meantime, here are some tips for dealing with the fear of the unknown and how to get past the anxiety of trying something new.

1. Ask questions

One thing which was scary about doing the photoshoot was that I didn't know what to expect. If I had asked the photographer more questions about what we were going to do and the plan for the shoot, it may have made me feel less nervous as I would have a better idea of what was coming up. Less unknown = less fear. So when you're thinking of trying something new, whether it's skiing or a photoshoot, ask the person organising it as many questions as you want. The answers to those questions may ease your anxiety and that'll make you feel much better about the whole experience.

     2. Remember that no one is paying attention to you or judging you
There is something which can be known as the spotlight effect. This is the idea that everyone is watching you and focusing on you and what you're doing. They are judging you, they are laughing at you. But the truth is most people aren’t looking for people to laugh at and evaluate. You have to remember that the people around you are so much in their own head, thinking that you are watching them and judging them, that they don't care about watching you. In order to be truly humiliated or criticised by other people, those other people have to actually be watching you - and they very rarely are. 

    3. Start small 
Your new thing doesn't have to be massive you. I'm not telling you to go and climb Mount Everest or jump out of a plane - unless that's what you want to do, or course. Even if it's something as small as wearing some clothes you wouldn't usually wear or cutting your hair shorter than you're used to. Starting small doesn't make your effort any less valid or any less important or impressive. Even a small change can make a big difference. Celebrate doing anything new, no matter what it is.

    4. Rationalise your anxiety 
Anxiety is the feeling that your brain gets when it perceives something as a threat to you. It comes from when we were cavemen and it is designed to keep us safe. However, sometimes our anxiety can go into overdrive when really there isn't anything to fear. So sometimes it helps if you talk to your anxiety as though it's a real person and you rationalise with it. Tell your anxiety that there is nothing to fear, that you aren't in any danger, that you are safe. Ask yourself: are your anxious thoughts trustworthy? Are they helpful? Does the evidence support the anxiety? If the answer to these is no, it can really help to calm you down and encourage you to give it a go.

    5. You only live once 
This is such a cliché thing to say but I don't mean it in the context that it usually used in e.g. doing something dangerous because 'you only live once.' What I mean is that most things are worth trying once. If you don't like it, then that's okay, you don't have to do it ever again. At least by trying it, you can say you've tried it and no one can ask anything more of you. Give it a chance because you only have one life and once chance to try something you've never tried before.

So I encourage you. Give something new a go. You never know, you could find your new favourite hobby.

​