Perfectionism

By Anna K

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Perfectionism is an obsession with perfecting everything about oneself, one’s surroundings, one’s perceived world, all down to the very fine details. Many teenagers identify with being a ‘perfectionist’, whether it be pertaining to their schoolwork or a sport they play. However, perfectionism manifests itself in other ways when unknowingly taken to an extreme level. At this age, with all the pressure to seek out our identity, passions, and career paths, teenagers are especially prone to perfectionism and the dark turns it can take. Although striving to succeed is healthy, where does one draw the line between motivation and obsession? 

Throughout my life, I had never identified with the seemingly admirable trait of being a perfectionist; I believed it to be a perpetuation of society’s toxic, obsessively hard-working culture. Having attended an extremely academically oriented high school, I was not new to witnessing the overworking and self-harm that could result from a restless pursuit of perfection. However, entering my junior year, where academic success is held to such importance, I began to internalize this all-or-nothing mindset; I began to think that if I was not receiving the perfect grades, not living the most productive lifestyle, that I was a failure. 

Oblivious to the instability and constant burnout that resulted from my behaviors, my perfectionism quickly manifested itself into a far deeper issue. It started with calorie counting, then evolved into over-exercising, then a cycle of binging and purging, and I quickly found myself in a desperate effort to control how I looked in order to mold myself into the ‘perfect’ person. My eating disorder was an attempt at control; a physical representation of my capability to ‘perfect’ myself. Aside from the medical implications of what had begun with a desire to ‘improve’ myself, what was most unbearable when it came to my obsession was my consistently-inconsistent self esteem.

This illusive sense of self-worth that is obtained from perfectionism, ranging from receiving straight-As to being ‘successful’ at disordered eating, is ultimately unsustainable. The unsustainability of self-esteem is what drives perfectionists to farther lengths, damaging themselves in the process only to end up unsatisfied, and once again chasing. 

The harm caused by perfectionism roots from one’s self esteem relying entirely on the validation of external factors that in the end will never be ‘perfect’ or stable. Contrary to what’s normally associated with perfectionism, such as academic success, a sense of control is precisely what perfectionists strive for. Rather than simply dismissing yourself as a ‘perfectionist’ when you are extremely stressed about your report card, or even your weight, be critical and think deeply when it comes to your desires. What does having good grades or the ‘ideal’ body truly allow you to gain other than a second-long deception of self-fulfillment? 

Ultimately, perfection is a subjective term; it means different things to different people. To one person it may mean having a body type that, to the next person, is far from the body type they idealize. This applies to career, lifestyle, grades, and the list goes on. With this in mind, I encourage you all to question who you are trying to please when you overwork yourself to look a certain way or to achieve a certain thing. If the answer isn’t yourself, it is not worth it. Perfection is unattainable, and its definition is ever-changing.