rejecting hang-out invitations

Understandably, saying no to an invitation feels like rejecting the person themselves. “No” morphs into a hideous word whenever we run the risk of offending someone we care about. We instead decide to accept a hiking trip or a dinner we were never truly up for from the start. But then, while we’re there, we end up wishing we were cozy at home, by ourselves, and in the worst case scenario, we feel a tinge of resentment for the moment. 

Now, to the people-pleasers out there, including myself, please repeat the following sentence: saying no to our loved ones is OKAY!

We may not be in the mood to hang-out as a result of work and school burn-out, sleeplessness, low mood, anxiety, depression, in other words, a product of our emotional wellness (or unwellness). These are all justifiable reasons to reject a hang-out invitation. They are just as excusable as an unanticipated fever, a dentist appointment, or an exam to study for. 

With that said, there is a right way and a wrong way to reject a hang-out. 

I rejected the wrong way. 

I was invited to a Zoom Party back in May. I took a couple days to respond back because I couldn’t make up my mind whether to attend the party. I wasn’t in the mood for a party that day but I thought maybe I would be interested on the day of. I texted back and said, “Yes, I’ll come!” However, the day before the costume party, I still wasn’t in the mood. Undoubtedly, I had cornered myself. We were all supposed to dress up in homemade costumes to make the event funnier. I was even less in the mood for that than to just click on “join a meeting.”

The day of the Zoom event comes and STILL I didn’t want to have any part in the event. So, I never showed up. I never let her know that I couldn’t come anymore. I was extremely ashamed of myself afterwards because I didn’t have a ‘normal’ excuse except “No, thank you. Not interested.”  

I took some time to reflect on what I could have done the moment I was asked about the event, and here is what I noticed. 

I made the mistake to take a while to respond. Unless you are unavailable throughout the week (no pressure there), there is no need to wait a couple of days. We’re all aware that, when we’re at our downtime, we check our phone at least a couple hundred times a day. 

So, when someone invites you to a party via text or DMs, try to send a reply the same day or, at the latest, the next day; but in the case that you have not made up your mind, let them know you’ll come back to them soon.

Now comes the part where you need to make a decision. Try to name every reason you might not want to accompany George and Diego to their skiing trip or might not want to watch a Star Trek movie marathon with Laura and the rest of the Pink Ladies clique. Then, name all the reasons that you’re interested in the hang-out. Which side resonates more for you? Use your gut reaction.  

Now once you have made sure you are not interested at all because you cannot find yourself to be in the mood to be anywhere but in the luxurious sanctuary of your home, here are a couple of sample texts or in-person phrases you can say: 

Hey, thank you so much for thinking of me. I won’t be able to come to the party. Maybe next time! I hope you and the squad have a fantastic time!

No need for an explanation. Just quick and easy. But in the case that you would like to explain a bit more...

Hey, can I have a raincheck? I need to rest at home this Saturday as I can’t find the energy in me to socialize this weekend. Will there be a next time? 

Hi, Laura. That sounds like fun, but I don’t feel up for human interactions this Friday. I would love to come next time, though! Let me know of any future dates of a similar or a different hangout plan! 

Or.. if you don’t like the idea at all of their hang-out plan.. You can say..

Hey! I like the idea of all of us spending time together but I’m not really into the idea of a costume party. I would love to come to any other kind of hang-out! Like a dinner? Or a concert? 

You can also suggest a hang-out, too. 

Hi, thank you so much for you asking! Open Mic night at Cafe du Monde sounds awesome! Unfortunately, I can’t be there this Sunday but I’m available Thursday night! We can watch that new Tom Hanks movie. What do you think? 

Conclusion:

“No, thank you” can be simple, straightforward, and most of all, heartbreak-free. Using the every now and then uncomfortable word “no”, once you realize that all you really need in the moment is to stay home, can be a major favor for your family member, friend or acquaintance. Honest communication can flourish in the relationship, if you so wish to let them know you need a mental break from socialization. You can also be completely present for them at the next hang-out just in time for that new Tom Hanks movie.


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