Revisiting my childhood

Have you ever put on a mask to hide who you really were? To forget the past and hopefully gain a new name for yourself? That’s what I did for many years until I realised it was damaging for myself. 

I’ve heard many personal stories on how people looked back on their past and realised how they should have spoken to someone sooner about their problems or situations that they were going through. 

Many people like to use their past to teach a lesson for others so they don’t make the same mistake as they did. One of those people who I admire for sharing their story is ‘Melanie Martinez’.

Melanie used to get bullied in school for having a gap in her front two teeth. But from this, she grew to write about her past and turn these songs into number one hits worldwide. Touring to different countries sharing her passion for spreading awareness on bullying. 

I hid from a lot of my past. I didn’t speak up about it when I should have I suffered in silence for many years until I broke. I didn’t visit the area that this all happened in for a decade because I was afraid of all the bad nightmares coming back.

Those nightmares consisted of being with a group of so-called ‘friends’ in a country park. We all went down to the river which was so beautiful but it turned out to be the exact opposite for me after what happened. 

A decade on and we’re in lockdown, so daily walks are the only thing that I can really do. Myself and my mammy went for one of our daily walks and she wanted to go through that country park where I had not been for years. 

I’ll be honest, I was so scared that I would see those people again even though it was years ago, it still haunts me. But, I faced my fears of the past and jumped straight into the deep end. 

Walking through the country park I was picking out the areas where things happened and I felt good about it, especially being with my mammy too. I was explaining to my mammy what happened and when it happened, who it involved and that was the first time I ever came clean about everything. 

It’s like I faced a demon and a whole weight lifted off my shoulders. I still have some of those nightmares now, but I guess I wouldn’t be writing this article if I didn’t have them? 

Putting on a brave face for all those years was tough, but you can’t change the past of what happened. The one thing I’ve learnt is that you should never suffer in silence no matter what it is or what it consists of. 

You matter and you deserve to be heard. That’s why I’m working towards becoming a part of the mental health industry to help others who were/are in my situation be heard. I’ve dedicated my time after leaving high school to help others as that’s what my passion is.

I joined TWE for the same reason - to help others worldwide be heard and be seen. So, if you have ever put on a mask to hide you really were, to forget the past and hopefully gain a new name for yourself - you matter and you deserve to be YOU!

If you are experiencing bullying and you don’t know where to turn then these are some helplines and websites that can point you in the right direction of getting the help you deserve; 

National Bullying Helpline; 0845 22 55 787
Open 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday

Bully Busters
Helpline: 0800 169 6928

Shout
Text Shout to 85258

Websites; https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help/feelings-and-symptoms/bullying/
http://www.bullybusters.org.uk/
https://www.childnet.com/young-people

-Mel

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