Sexy Misconceptions

By Kenzie

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Losing your virginity can be a scary prospect. You don’t know what to expect, whether it will be pleasurable, whether you’ll be good at it or not and generally just what your first time is like. I know all those feelings and I hope that this article will help to quell those fears and make it slightly less daunting when the time comes.

The phrase ‘losing your virginity’ refers to a person’s first time having sex. Typically, people class sex as penis-in-vagina (PIV) penetrative sex. However, sex and virginity can mean various things to different individuals, whether it refers to oral sex (blowjobs, licking, sucking etc.) or other sexual acts. For the purposes of this article, I am going to be referring to PIV sex but I do not intend to discount anybody else’s definition of losing their virginity. The average age at which most UK individuals lose their virginity is somewhere between 16 and 18 (source: NHS Borders/Metro) but some people are younger and others are older. It all depends on the person.

I lost my virginity very recently and also at an older age than the average. I was 22 years old when I first had sex. There were a few reasons why I waited until I was more mature to have sex. The first reason and arguably most important reason, is that I wasn’t ready. At first, whenever I thought of having sex, it terrified me and I really did not want to even think about it, let alone do it. The second reason was that I had never really been in a serious healthy relationship before. For me, sex is a very intimate act and I wholeheartedly bought into the cliche of not losing my virginity until I was in love. That’s not to say that I think people shouldn’t have sex until they’re in love - it’s just what felt right to me.

So when I was 22 and met my,unfortunately now, ex-boyfriend and fell in love with him, I started thinking about sex. I was still very scared to begin with but, when we were about a month into the relationship, we started messing about together and I realised the thought of having sex no longer scared me. It felt natural, and safe.  

The first time was weird, honestly. It was a bit awkward as I had no clue what I was doing and it was slightly painful to start with I didn’t find it particularly pleasurable as I was very self conscious. I even cried afterwards. But the main thing that hit me was that I didn’t feel any different

The first thing I want to highlight is that in my opinion, losing your virginity is not as big of a deal as people make it out to be. You may have heard everyone hyping up your first time and talking about breaking your hymen but honestly, it’s really not worth it. You can break your hymen by riding a horse or using a tampon - it’s nothing to do with sex. As I said, I didn’t feel any different after sex. So whilst it’s okay to be worried or nervous, don’t let the hype overwhelm you. 

Also, another really important thing is to not compare yourself to anybody else, and don’t think that you have to have sex just because somebody else you know did. As I mentioned, I was much older than the average age and I knew a lot of my friends had lost their virginity already. There is no correct age that you should lose your virginity though. It is all about when you feel ready and safe and when you want to have sex. Whether you’re 16 or 22 or even older, it is solely your decision and no-one else’s. 

Now onto some of the things to expect when you have sex for the first time.

• You may bleed.

We’ve already mentioned about ‘breaking the hymen.’ It is just a thin loose piece of tissue that hangs around the vagina and if you have sex, the penis has to penetrate that tissue which can make it bleed. So don’t panic if you do bleed. It’s totally normal and it probably won’t be a lot of blood. You might not bleed at all if you’ve already broken the hymen!

• It will probably be slightly uncomfortable.

During your first time, your vagina is being stretched slightly. Unless you’ve masturbated or used a dildo, your vagina is not used to having something the size of a penis in it. This means it might be uncomfortable, or even a little bit painful. Again, that is normal and nothing to worry about. It will get easier over the next few times but just make sure to take it slow so as to make it as easy as possible.

• You may not orgasm/find it pleasurable.​

The first time is usually pretty awkward because whether only one of you is a virgin or both of you are, it’s new and you’re trying to figure out what works for you and what feels good. Every person is different so it takes time to find out what does it for you and it may take more than once to get it right. That is completely fine. Take this time to just enjoy the experience and explore different things until you find what is right for you. 

Overall, nobody can tell you when the right time to lose your virginity is. That choice is yours and yours alone. Just make sure that you do it when you feel ready and I hope that this article helps to put some of your fears at ease and dispel any misconceptions.