Social Media and Anxiety - An inevitable collision

By NJ

I started being active on social media very, very late. It wasn’t until the pandemic started that I slowly started being active on the few social media accounts I had, and it wasn’t until a few days ago when writing this that I joined Instagram. While I now have Instagram, Reddit and Quora, it’s actually Tumblr that I use the most. And by that I mean daily. I am on it all day long. I have a decent follower count and some mutuals who are genuinely awesome and who I enjoy talking to. If anything I have had a positively delightful experience with Tumblr. Wonderful friends, not too many creepy DMs. It is basically perfect. 

However, I have noticed that while generally sunny, the darker side here is that I had become afraid of how people might interpret what I say. And I mean that seriously. I have refrained from posting fairly innocent opinions because of how much I feared alienation. I have refrained from saying my opinions about innocent things like a tv show or movie I like because I feared attacks from people I disagreed with. Essentially, I had become a people pleaser without even realizing it. And as someone who started their social media journey on Quora, a site full of opinions, this was not only new but a terrifying reality for me.

But what really raised the red flag however is when I got into a fairly mild disagreement with a mutual. The mutual in question was already far more confident, outspoken and all-around a better debater than I was. But adding to that I felt like saying anything that disagreed with them might cause them to hate me. That in order to maintain our friendship I had to agree with them even when I didn’t. The whole ordeal left me so mentally drained that I didn’t post or even engage much with anyone online for a few days. I felt exhausted. And a sense of impending doom settled over me whenever I would open Tumblr. What if they hated me? What if others attacked me? What if, even despite both of us apologizing to each other and privating the posts, they still hated me for my opinions?

No matter how much I tried, this heavy cloud of regret hung around me. I genuinely felt like it would have been better had I kept quiet. Staying silent means that no one could come after me. I wouldn’t receive hate if I never expressed any strong opinions.

This was bad for many reasons. One - this was not the me I knew. I had changed. Two - It was affecting me in real life. I was less productive, angrier and sough to be left alone. Three - I hated the fact that I couldn’t voice my opinions. I hated the fact that this invincible fear held so much control over me. I realized that I was trying to change my opinions to fit other people's opinions so that they would like me. And I hated it. It made me feel like a fake. 

And this wasn’t the end of these fears. Whenever I would have some helpful link or info to share, I would get really excited but then a small voice in my head would mutter “yeah but what if you accidentally mislead someone? or worse, hurt them in some way?”. It didn’t matter that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the link or info was safe. It didn’t matter that I would never hurt another person. The second the intrusive thought entered my mind, every other voice of reason was drowned out. Suddenly I was reduced to nothing but a bunch of doubts and fears I was weakly protesting against. I just felt so angry and frustrated at my own inability to stop these intrusive thoughts.

And while this is usually the part where I offer some tips to cope, this time I really don’t have much except some generic things I have found to help me like -

Change your environment when you feel the panic attacks coming - We know that feeling when the voices slowly start whispering in the back of our mind before the tidal wave of anxiety washes over you. Whenever I know it’s coming and that I simply have no better way of dealing with it, I just get out of that mental or sometimes physical environment quickly. Something as simple as looking at a different location or reading something sometimes helps me reset my mind. It’s not a solution. But still better than me helplessly panicking. 

Instead of trying to not think about the intrusive thought, let it pass through your mind - I hear it all the time, and yet I always end up trying and failing to ignore my intrusive thoughts. 

That’s it to be honest. And now for the most important advice - 

Seek help. You deserve it. Log off of socials for a bit. Maybe take a break from the friends who are stressing you out. Tell them they are stressing you out. Talk to your parents if their words hurt you. But more importantly, get professional help when you need it.

International Suicide & Emergency Hotlines (opencounseling.com) - This is a list of suicide hotlines and other help lines and other resources to help you. But this is just the bare minimum and there are absolutely better help out there.