Splitting In BPD

By Mel

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First of all what is “splitting” and what does it mean?  a subconscious defence mechanism, meaning people will see others, situations and themselves as good or bad. There is no in-between! This is very common in people who suffer from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). It causes rapid shifts in emotions which can affect relationships and friendships. 

Splitting usually happens when it’s triggered by emotional distress for example: 

• Having the fear of being abandoned by someone or even rejected by a date.
  
• Having a reminder of a past trauma that had a huge effect on them.
  
• Feeling criticised or invalidated.  
  

To put it simply, the brain uses the “splitting mechanism” to simplify complex emotions or even to protect the person from emotional pain. This can cause severe mood swings and sudden shifts in perception. For example: I find it very hard to make decisions so I usually leave it to someone else to deal with the situation as it makes me feel anxious and I start to panic. Another thing I find hard to deal with as a person with BPD is that I may initially see someone as perfect, only to suddenly view them as entirely bad after a perceived slight. This is a classic example of the “black or white” vision when you either see one or the other, no in between. A person may feel amazing one day and worthless the next due to severe mood swings, which, again, can change in a heartbeat. 

Splitting in BPD can affect your work life too by sudden shifts in trust or resentment. I struggle with keeping a job due to this reason, but now I have found a job that suits me which is helping blind people and taking them for days out. It took me a while but I got there!  can also make you feel social exhaustion to the extent of quitting jobs abruptly due to feeling misunderstood or betrayed. These all fall under the overwhelming emotions BPD people experience. 

Ways to help splitting in BPD can be beneficial with DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy). In this, you will learn skills like core mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness skills. One method I like to use when I feel my emotions getting too overwhelming is called grounding.

Grounding is a technique to help someone stay connected to the present moment when they might feel overwhelmed, anxious, or upset. It's like an anchor that keeps you steady during rough seas. I use the 5-4-3-2-1 method (Name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, etc.) 

I also like to express my emotions through being creative for example, journaling and scrapbooking. 

Splitting in BPD can make emotions and relationships feel unpredictable, but understanding this pattern is the first step toward healing. By developing awareness, using dialectical thinking, and practising emotional regulation, it is possible to manage extreme thoughts and build healthier connections.

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