Stuck In Between

By Mel

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Over the years, we have all experienced the feeling like we are not there or not present in either friendships or relationships. It’s like being a ghost just hovering around the people you love.

Recently, I’ve been in the same situation and it got to the point where I didn’t realise how badly it was affecting me. I was punishing myself for someone else’s bad choices, keeping secrets from loved ones and involving me in their own relationships. 

It had taken me all these years to come to terms with what she was doing to me. It was like being brainwashed into being under their control. 

Whenever I was staying with that friend and they would invite someone else over, it changed! I was no longer present in that room, just them two. Now, many people would class this as being jealous but that’s it, I wasn’t jealous at all. I just wanted to be involved!

After situations like this I would pack my things and go home and just sit in my bedroom, alone. I punish myself by my thoughts brainwashing me into believing no one loves me

This was not good for my depression at all. I was staying in my room 24/7, never leaving the house because I felt like I just didn’t want to be here anymore. It was a dark time and I have been here many times over the years before too.

I just wished to feel wanted just for once. So, now I’m doing the same, staying away from everyone and keeping myself to myself! I’ve been numb over the past few months since the incident, I can never really explain how I feel.

Feeling stuck in between friendship and relationship can be hard, so hard that you have no idea what to do or where to turn. What’s helped me through every time is journaling! Recording what has happened down in a book so then it’s out of my mind into a locked book!

Other ways that have helped pick up my mood is by thinking about places to travel! At the top of my travel list is Japan because I want to discover their culture. I also want to visit Ukraine to explore Chernobyl which was a disaster was a nuclear accident that occurred on Saturday 26 April 1986. How this happened was the reactor design flaws and breach of protocol during simulated power outage safety test. 

Making lists like places you want to visit or even a bucket list of what you want to achieve in your life can be really helpful as a distraction. Music playlists can be made for each mood like happy songs, motivational songs or even sad songs. 

But, finding that distraction to help prevent your mind from wandering into that dark hole is the most important thing to do! Feeling stuck in the middle or being the third wheel can be hard but you are worth more than that!