The 5 Stages of Grief

By Mel

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I never thought I'd be writing about this, about how I lost my grandad all of a sudden just a week ago. I can't explain the numbness I have experienced this past week. It feels like I'm stuck in a time warp. My partner told me about the stages of grief. I didn't want to accept the fact that I lost a loved one. Even one week on, I had to get away from reality, so I decided to stay with my friend in London. It's just what I needed to see my best friend and be in my happy place.

Reading through the stages of grief I wanted to talk through each one and how it's going to affect me but also how I'm going to confront it.

Denial: Initially, there's a sense of disbelief or denial of the reality of the situation.
When I first heard from the nurse of his passing I went straight to him and I lay with him, telling him repeatedly, “It should be me in that bed not you.” I told him, “I would take your place in a heartbeat if that meant you living your life.”

My partner was there whilst I was in denial for a few days later, he told me to recognize that denial is a normal part of the grieving process. This was the starting process of confronting denial. After that, I went on letting my emotions out and not holding them back as this would build a big wall and it would come crumbling down if you kept on holding it back.

Anger: As reality sets in, one can feel anger and frustration, often directed at oneself, others, or even the situation itself.
A few days after his passing there was anger within the family against me after a post I put up about my grandad’s passing stating, “Rest in Peace Grandad.” Long story short, they were not happy with me putting it public. 

At that moment, I was full of anger, but now, looking back, I understand where they were coming from. That’s when I understood the root of the problem and how I could help manage it.

Bargaining: This stage involves trying to negotiate or make deals in an attempt to change the outcome or alleviate the pain.
This stage hit me hard, as I was experiencing suicidal thoughts. I went as far as planning my death when I went down to London. I planned to jump off London Bridge or jump in front of a train in the underground. 

Bargaining often focuses on past events or an imagined alternative outcome. So I do still believe I am at this stage or somewhat experiencing it.

Depression: As the full weight of the loss or change is felt, sadness and depression can set in. This stage is about coming to terms with the reality of the situation.
Coming to terms with what has happened was hard, very hard to the point where I felt like I was in a bubble for a good week. What I mean is,  in my world “bubble” is where I was very gullible. 

I think the way I went about dealing with this was by taking that trip to London to distract myself. To be with my best friend in the city I love, getting away from reality for a while. At the time I felt selfish by doing it and leaving my family back at home, but it was what I needed and my family supported my decision.

Acceptance: Finally, there's a stage of acceptance where there's a more peaceful understanding and acceptance of the new reality.
I’m still experiencing this stage as it’s relatively new to me. I believe this won’t happen until his funeral and that’s not just for me, but also for my family to come to terms with his passing too. 

Confronting acceptance in grief is one of the hardest yet most healing parts of the process. Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting or being "okay" with the loss—it means acknowledging the reality and learning to live with it.

The five stages of grief offer a framework that helps us understand and navigate the complex emotions that accompany loss. From denial to acceptance, each stage represents a vital part of the healing process, allowing individuals to gradually come to terms with their new reality.