To Find Comfort In Solitude

By ​Divaani

---

I like listening to silence. It gives me time to wonder what could be. It allows me to unravel my thoughts and process them one after another. But often, I’m left with a turmoil of thoughts tangled in my mind creating a hurdle when I search for the right words to say; and I start to feel uneasy. It’s almost like something is pressing on my heart and it’s only getting louder and louder but in reality, there’s nothing accompanying me but silence.

Some have a name for people like us: introverts- labelled as individuals predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with things going on around them. On the contrary, I think we’re misunderstood. The reason for our silence isn’t narcissism as subtly implied, but fear. This is usually the fear of not saying the right thing or just saying anything at all. I’d wait and wait for the right time to speak until I find that the moment’s gone; leaving me to listen and to observe. 

It soothes me. I’m always looking outside my window and just watching attentively. Sometimes, I’d see the figure of a mother holding the hand of her little one tightly; every so often ensuring that his scarf is wrapped around securely, keeping him warm. Other times, there’d be nothing but untrodden snow.

I was just about to enter the hall occupied with strangers; all I knew was that they were interested in taking the same course as me and that they were clustered in the same age group. The room was filled with noises of excitement and teenagers chatting away amongst themselves. I envied them. They made it look so easy. I looked around me to see a clear division of newly formed groups. I spotted someone next to me and a mass of disorganised thoughts started to creep into my mind.  Should I initiate a conversation? If I do, what do I say? What should I say to make myself seem interesting? Would they even want to talk to me? I could feel the heat rushing to my face as I cleared my throat to speak. 

But they turned around and smiled at me.

More often than not, the world is a nice place. We’re reminded time and time again that everyone has concerns and fears. It’s okay to have these irrational thoughts. It’s okay that there are times you want to scream and there are times you want to hide. It is completely natural to feel this way but the only thing you need to acknowledge is that you don’t have to do it alone. There are so many people surrounding you who will only ever love you more if you ever decide to open up to them. We need human interaction; the sounds of laughing, teasing, reminiscing; the sounds of people to keep us going.

We need each other to let ourselves be comforted.​