Two Times for the Past

By Ve

Dear C,

It’s been a while, 5 years to be exact. I think- rather, I hoped that I would have forgotten about you by now. A mindless thought really; I completely forgot we were mutuals on social media. Completely forgot to block you too, lol.  

It’s been half a decade- 5 years of mental health issues, but also 5 years of healing. 
Being the only POC in class wasn’t easy. Being a fresh transfer student wasn’t easy either. Being a freshman in high school wasn’t easy either. I want to laugh at this coincidence honestly, but you really chose the worst time to pick at me. 

I also have half a mind to thank you. After all, if you hadn’t insulted my traditions, when would I have learned to appreciate them? Growing up in a foreign land really messes up your sense of cultural identity. For the longest time, I harbored some resentment toward my ethnicity. The words you said though… for the first time in my life, I felt like it was something worth defending. Of course, it was a gradual process- these things don’t happen overnight. The initiative was still there though- thanks to you- so I’ll give you that.

I still don’t understand though, why had you turned to bullying at the time? I totally did not stalk you, but you genuinely seem like a better person now so something must have happened. Never mind though, I’m not looking for actual answers; perhaps I just want a sense of closure. I’ll just attribute the change in heart to growing up and growing old. School years are wacky and hormonal; now that we’re in college, I’ve seen how people can grow. 

Anyways, there’s no way you’re going to read this- that’s why I have the courage to write this out. I don’t think I want to forget about you though. Yes, you made my life rather miserable for a while, however, I think I’m ready to move on. Perhaps if we talk again someday, I’ll have the courage to say these words out loud. 

From
Ve.

International Mental Health Helplines:
https://unitedgmh.org/mental-health-support

Online Support by Topics:
https://www.themix.org.uk/