Up and Down

By Katherine

In the past couple of years, borderline personality disorder (also called BPD) has become “trendy.” While this has led to more conversations about BPD, it is significantly less enticing than how some people envision it. 

In simple terms, borderline personality disorder is a mental disorder in which the individual experiences unstable moods, behavior, and relationships. 

To be more specific, an individual with BPD experiences fear of abandonment (whether that be real or imagined). Another symptom that many may recognize is the tendency for a person with BPDto have a “favorite person.” This can tie in with fear of abandonment by becoming “overly clingy.” When having a “favorite person,” someone with bpd will idolize someone and might not be able to see any flaws that their “favorite person” has. Their mood can heavily depend on their “favorite person’s” mood and whether or not their “favorite person” is speaking to them often or how they speak to them. If their tone seems off or they begin to ignore the person with BPD, the individual may experience a breakdown. This might lead to someone with bpd devaluing their “favorite person,” resenting them for their changes. 
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Someone with BPD may also feel empty, paranoid, and intense anger. These symptoms may tie in with each other. Someone with BPD can have angry outbursts that may or may not have a trigger, this can push people away from them as well as destroy relationships. These angry outbursts can include yelling, head banging, possibly breaking things, etc. Everyone’s outbursts look different and it is important to realize that the majority of the time, the individual with BPD does not mean the hurtful things that they may say or do and oftentimes feel intense guilt afterwards. While this does not eliminate the problem, the best way to help someone is to understand them and encourage them to seek help. 

The idea of idolizing someone may be seen as “romantic” when in reality it can destroy relationships and severely harm one’s mental health. When experiencing an episode, one with BPD may experience a wide variety of emotions leading to crying, headbanging, screaming, dissociating, etc. With angry outbursts, an individual with BPD may react in a way that they do not truly mean or feel because they are unable to control their emotions. Some may experience different emotions during these episodes as well as be triggered by different things. These episodes may occur frequently or rarely, depending on the individual. 

There is no specific treatment for BPD, but it is recommended to seek therapy if one is diagnosed with BPD. This can greatly aid someone by helping them learn how to stabilize after an episode, avoid triggers, and manage life with BPD. It is also important to speak with friends and family, letting them know what triggers you have and  what helps if you experience an episode. To someone who does not have BPD, these episodes can be frightening and they may not know how to calm the individual down. When triggered, it would be ideal for the individual with BPD to leave the situation or walk away for a while to calm down. However, this is not always possible and which is why it is important to communicate with those around you so that they know how to assist you. 

Although BPD is challenging to live with, it can be managed and there are ways to help (whether you have BPD or know someone who does). If you believe that you have developed a “favorite person,” you may feel as though you should inform them, but it's important to speak about that with others, preferably with a licensed professional, before letting your “favorite person” know. If someone learns that they are your “favorite person,” this can put a lot of stress on them, feeling as though they must uphold your expectations in order to keep your mental health stable. If possible, speak with your therapist about your favorite person before deciding whether or not it is best to inform the individual. If you know what your triggers are, let those around you know so that they may avoid them as best as possible. When experiencing an angry outburst, someone with BPD should walk away and focus their attention on something else to calm down. Putting on a TV show, listening to calming music, or just spending some time alone can help in calming down. Although individuals with BPD may feel monstrous after an anger episode, it is important to realize that it is oftentimes unintentional and can be uncontrollable. Rather than feeling guilty for the outbursts, it is best to let it be a realization to seek professional help so that the outbursts can become controlled and limited.

 BPD can be challenging to live with, both for the individual as well as for those around them. But BPD does not have to control anyone’s life, with the right help and a good support system, BPD can be managed. If you or someone you know may be struggling with BPD, communicate with those around you and seek help.