“You’re Making That Up”

By Katherine

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Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which one or more individuals convince the victim to doubt reality, memories, and/or judgment. Although it may seem nearly impossible to convince someone that their reality is false, it is a common form of manipulation that is most often done by someone that the victim is close to. By trusting a loved one’s judgment and perception, the victim will doubt their own opinions and experiences. The gaslighter will mold the victim’s beliefs to fit their own and therefore be in control of the victim’s mind. This can lead to anxiety, trauma, depression, low self-esteem, and may cause the victim to feel as if they are “crazy.”

    A gaslighter may be difficult to spot, especially if you are the victim of this form of manipulation. Do you feel as though someone close to you trivializes your issues? Do they often tell you that you are “overreacting” or are being “crazy”? Does their judgment go against the judgment of your loved ones? Do they attempt to convince you that your experiences are “all in your head” and not real? If any of these are true, you may in fact be the victim of gaslighting. Although there are other ways to tell if you are the victim of gaslighting, these are some clear signs. If someone is the victim of a gaslighter their behaviors and mentality will change. They may feel isolated, apologize often, blame themselves for everything, feel anxious, and attempt to convince themselves that they are overthinking or are being too sensitive.

    Although many cases of gaslighting occur in romantic relationships, they can come from other sources as well. I have dealt with being gaslighted by many individuals over the years. The people I was closest to would manipulate me through gaslighting and make me feel as though I was “crazy.” Although I have learned to spot it, the effects of past gaslighting still remain with me to this day. At times I doubt myself, my memories, my thoughts, and my life. Some days it is hard to know what is real and what is in my head. Because I was gaslighted for so long, it feels like a part of me. Even though those people are no longer a part of my life, their gaslighting behaviors remain within me, causing me to “gaslight myself” at times. 

    Although I still suffer from the gaslighting I faced at an early age, it has been beneficial to distance myself from the gaslighters. It may seem challenging at first but to maintain one’s own mental and physical wellbeing, it must be done. There will always be more loving and honest individuals who will truly look out for their loved ones. It may be difficult to be aware if you are the victim of gaslighting but it is crucial to do research if there are any beliefs in your mind that you are being manipulated. Regardless of how these thoughts may seem trivial or small, they should not be ignored. It is also valuable to speak with other loved ones about the situation to gain their input. It may seem challenging to remove a gaslighter from your life, especially if they are a long term friend, significant other, family member, etc. This may be difficult at first, but must be done. It is important to know that gaslighting is used to weaken the victim and strengthen the manipulator, it is not in your best interest.
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    With gaslighting being so common, it is important to make sure that you look out for signs of gaslighting. Make sure to reach out to others who you trust. Gaslighting can be difficult to spot which makes it all the more dangerous. Gaslighting can come from abusive relationships, friends, family members, etc. We tend to look more so at romantic relationships when learning about gaslighting but it is valuable to know that this is not the only way it can occur. Make sure to look out for yourself as well as loved ones and if you or them are a victim of gaslighting, seek help and give them support.

    Helplines:
 https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-gaslighting/ 
The National Domestic Violence Helpline is available 24/7 via phone or chat to listen and provide support.