Growing up with divorced parents is hard. There is a lot of change and it can be scary and difficult. You might be asking questions like “Why did this happen?” The answer to that question is never because of you.
You never should blame your parents’ divorce on yourself. Most of the time it is because they have differences that they can’t get a fix or have a problem that they can't resolve. It is never the child's fault, sometimes it is money problems.
If you ever wonder how many kids are out there like you that have divorced parents, here is your answer. “25% of people over the age of 18 have gone through a parent's divorce. First marriages last an average of 8 years. One out of every ten children will go through multiple divorces with their parents.” (https://freebackgroundchecks.com/learn/shocking-statistics-children-and-divorce/#:~:text=United%20States%20Divorce%20Statistics&text=25%25%20of%20people%20over%20the,no%20father%20in%20their%20lives.)
When I was younger my parents got divorced and I blamed myself for the first 4 years. I thought it was my fault. I thought it was because they had told me that I must have been the reason for all the fighting. It was hard at first. I was at my mom's house one week and I wouldn't see my dad until that next week. Then I would only see my dad a few hours a week and only sometimes would I be able to spend the weekend with him. With divorce can come court hearings and that can be difficult to sit through. Then last year court was the last custody battle and this year was the last one forever. I realized it wasn't my fault when I finally talked to my parents and they explained to me why they had gotten divorced. It was because they didn't love each other like they used to, so they did what was best for me and my sister. It wasn't my fault and I understand that now.
Always ask questions instead of blaming yourself. That won't get you anywhere, it will just make you feel miserable. Never blame yourself as the reason why they got divorced in the main place. It is not something that you can control. Even if it seems like the end of the world but it’s not it will make people happier. Here are 3 important things to remember when processing your parents divorce.
This is Jay signing off until next time, I hope it helps.
Trigger warning: bullying, abuse, suicide mention
If you are being bullied you're not alone. “The 2017 School Crime Supplement (National Center for Education Statistics and Bureau of Justice) indicates that, nationwide, about 20% of students ages 12-18 experienced bullying”. If you are getting bullied there is nothing wrong with you either. If you start to believe that it gives them power. If you are getting bullied find a trusted adult in your school and keep track of whatever they say or do. Tell your trusted adult this can be a teacher or the principal, it can be any adult in your school.
This past school year I was getting bullied and I wish I had a trusted adult at the beginning of the year. One of my "friends" constantly liked to tell me that people would rather commit suicide than 1) date/have feelings for me and 2) would not leave me at some point and called me some homophobic slurs and he would constantly tell me that people wouldnt care if anything happened to me and that I was practically worthless. One day he pushed me into a wall and I blamed myself, I was ashamed that I let it get to that point so I didn't tell anyone. I just let it happen because I thought he was right and that's why he continued because I gave him power over me. I gave him the reactions he wanted and that was adding fuel to the fire. One day I got tired of it and I finally told someone. But I still didn't feel safe. The teachers would help a little bit. I knew I had to stand up for myself. Whenever I would see him I would just put in my ear buds or just start talking to one of my friends. I ignored him. When he slowly stopped I had the power back. If I knew all I needed to do was just ignore him I don't think it would've gotten that bad and I think it would have stopped sooner. I started to surround myself with people who weren't toxic and helped me ignore him.
I hope you learned that you aren't alone, other people go through this. Find people who make you feel good about yourself and help you ignore the person or people who are hurting you. They don't have to be physically for it to be bullying they can hurt you mentally. Find an adult that you trust and tell them what is going on. They will help you in any way they can. You are perfect in your own way. You are beautiful in your own way. Don't surround yourself with people who tell you any different.