Have I Lost My "Virginity"?

By Mercury

Virginity = sucks

Virginity = unrealistic

Virginity = doesn’t exist

Virginity is generally more harmful than helpful to people.

It is seen as a rite of passage but it generally just makes people feel awful. But either way, it’s not up to me, it’s up to you.

Virginity is something we define. It’s not just penetrative sex.

For one thing, the former idea is largely harmful to people in queer relationships or of the queer community. Especially those that don’t have penises and/or haven’t engaged with people who do.

Virginity can thus be seen as something more personal. Was it:

• That one time you got felt up by someone?

• The fifty-first time because you feel you “made love” that time?

• When you had a sexual encounter with someone you were in a relationship with?

• When you had a sexual encounter with someone you weren’t in a relationship with?

It’s really up to you. It’s what feels right to you.

It’s seen as a rite of passage and I can understand that, but sex isn’t everything and it’s definitely not what makes you an adult. There are people that:

• are sex repulsed,

• have had awful experiences, and

• have been assaulted

• These people need to be respected when it comes to the topic.

• 
  

It’s okay to say you’ve never lost it despite the fifty times you’ve had a sexual moment. It’s okay if that time you lost it was a time when you were alone and by yourself. It’s okay if you never have it. Your experience is still valid and important.

You’re still valid and important.

So no matter however many sexual encounters you have or haven’t had doesn’t define your worth as a person. So feel free to never put any consideration to the thought of virginity--or defining that for yourself. If it’s important to you though, then that’s also okay. Make sure you mark it as something that’s meaningful for you. It can be negative, positive, neutral, or however the experience was. Whatever it is you choose will be the best decision because it was made by you.