What Do You Mean I'm Not Gay?

By Joey

For around two or three years, I would swear to you up and down I was gay. But sometimes things change. I recently realised I was pansexual, rather than gay.

​For those of you who don’t know, pansexual means I have a sexual attraction to all genders. Panromantic is having a romantic attraction for all genders. People who are pansexual and panromantic usually just say pansexual. Contrary to belief, it is not the same thing as bisexual/biromantic. Bisexual/biromantic is attraction towards two genders, male and female. Pansexual/panromantic includes people all over the spectrum like non-binary, agender, and others.

One day I was at work and I was talking to a guy, he was new. That’s the day I realised something was different. At that point, I was with someone who was gender-fluid, but later realised he was transgender. I shrugged off the sudden attraction to a guy as nothing. After a while, I was single again and decided to investigate what was going on with me. The attraction for this boy had not gone away.

I messaged him on Facebook and we got talking. The more we talked and I learned about him the attraction grew. I finally told him we should meet outside of work. We went into a lot of deep conversation topics and we discussed interests and I realise now I didn’t shut up most of that day. When I did shut up and he was talking about something he was passionate about, I was in awe. That was the moment I realised that attraction I have been feeling, it was not a friendly one.

A few days after that day, we met again and I kissed him. We have been together since then. Since then I have also been extremely confused. Before this one boy confused the hell out of my brain, I had thought lots of other people were attractive and I always found them more attractive after I learned more about their personalities.

This was when I realised I was pansexual. I was not straight but I wasn’t gay. But I knew the problem was that I wasn’t bisexual either. I had no idea what was happening.

If you’re going through this right now:

• REMEMBER YOU ARE VALID! Just because you realized you are not who you originally thought, that doesn’t mean you are not valid. Your feelings matter and if they change, it’s completely okay.

• Coming out now is not as difficult as the original time. The original time you were worried they wouldn’t accept you right? Well this time around, you know they will be alright with it. Like if you originally came out as gay, but as it turns out you identify better as bisexual, you know it’ll be alright in the end.

• Remember this does not change who you are. Sure, you realized something new. But you’re still you.

• Don’t let the gender stereotypes get the best of you. If you identify now as a man instead of gender fluid but you wanna wear a dress, DO IT! You will look wonderful.

• Just remember some people will be a bit confused. A lot of people don’t realize that attraction can fluctuate and change over time. So try to take some time to explain this to the person.

People change, and that’s alright. Sometimes it’s their personalities that change or who they’re attracted to or what gender they identify as. Just remember, no matter who you are you will always be valid. Anyone who thinks otherwise don’t deserve you. If you need advice, feel free to email us or contact us through our social media.