Coming Out Babey

By Merc

In the queer community, coming out can be seen as a huge rite of passage: it seems almost vital to the queer experience. It can seem to be the main bonding moment of queer life, whether disastrous in every way possible- or miraculous beyond belief.

Coming out is described as being the first moment you tell someone (and maybe others) that you are queer, whether it be your gender identity, sexual orientation, and/or romantic orientation that makes you so. But is coming out really such a one time thing? You might say yes, as it’s one big event that frees you and, if so, you probably think of it as being to your family or friends.

All this said, in my experience, coming out is a repetitive process. I came out when I:

• Talked to my friends about our experiences meaning we were Asexual (Ace).

• Talked about being out of touch with whatever gender was and how that made me Agender.

• Told my parents I didn’t just feel attraction to one gender.

• Introduce myself using my chosen name and neopronouns*.

• Told you all of these identities I have right now.

Coming out isn’t just one shot. It’s revealing yourself to whoever you trust with such special and important information about you. It’s an act of trust. It can very well affect your safety. Some people have the privilege to come out to their friends, family, and be out in their own environment while others can’t afford to. But there’s another key that’s vitally important.

Coming out to ourselves.

Just as much as coming out can be important when it comes to telling others your identities, so is coming out to yourself, acknowledging your own experiences and how you live your life. Some people never do that for themselves, and some of us are constantly coming out every day as we learn about ourselves.

Coming out is such a hard topic to talk about because it can be incredibly sensitive and even involve horror stories. But that’s not what it’s just about. It’s little things like introducing yourself with your chosen name, explaining your pronouns, binary or not, and discovering yourself for yourself.

So give yourself a little credit. :)

Helplines:

• Trevor Project

  • (866)-488-7386

• LGBT National Youth Hotline (ages 23 and under)

  • Mondays to Fridays from 1 pm – 9 pm PST

  • Saturday from 9 am – 2 pm PST

  • 800-246-7743

• LGBT National Hotline

  • Monday thru Friday from 1PM to 9PM PST

  • Saturday from 9am to 2pm PST

  • 888-843-4564

• True Colors United

  • ​​​​​​​(212)-461-4401

• Pride Institute LGBTQ Dependency

  • (800)-547-7433

• Crisis Text Line:

  • Text HELP to 741741 in the United States.

• Teen Line

  • Text "TEEN" to 839863

  • Between 6:00pm-9:00pm PST