Coming Out: Big?

By Merc

Coming out is usually stated as some rite of passage into becoming a “full-fledged gay” and truly embracing your identities. However, just as everyone’s experience is important, unique, and special, so is coming out.

Elaborating on the aforementioned, coming out is even said to be a “mass or public event” by this Wikipedia article. But is that our reality?

If you reference my article, Coming Out, Babey, I talk about how coming out isn’t a one time event, but multiple moments that happen in our lives. Coming out can be one big event, or even a small realization of yourself. It can be a whole party, an important conversation, or a casual “hi, I’m <name> and my pronouns are…”

Coming out, for me, is a series of multiple events. Here are some of the ways I’ve experienced coming out:

• Telling my parents I wasn’t straight

• Going to my friend’s “gender reveal” party where she came out as trans

• My friends listening to my gender experience and telling me “hey you’re probably agender”

• Looking through micro labels and finding one that sparked joy

• My friend showing me their nonbinary sticker on their phone

• Asking my friends to use a different name for me

• Introducing myself with my chosen name (Mercury) and pronouns (hu/hume/humes)

• My friend telling a group chat he’s trans

• Performing a spoken word I wrote about a past same-sex partner

• Running into someone I knew in a queer DnD group

So coming out isn’t necessarily a big or small thing--or even a medium thing. Coming out is what you define it to be. If you want to go above and beyond, go for it. If you want to just mention it and leave it be then that’s valid. And if you don’t even want to come out, that’s fair too. It’s okay to not want to do something big or even come out because that’s your business and your choice. You don’t owe anyone a coming out, that’s for you.

Helplines:

• Trevor Project

  • (866)-488-7386

• LGBT National Youth Hotline (ages 23 and under)

  • Mondays to Fridays from 1 pm – 9 pm PST

  • Saturday from 9 am – 2 pm PST

  • 800-246-7743

• LGBT National Hotline

  • Monday thru Friday from 1PM to 9PM PST

  • Saturday from 9am to 2pm PST

  • 888-843-4564

• True Colors United

  • ​​​​​​​(212)-461-4401

• Pride Institute LGBTQ Dependency

  • (800)-547-7433

• Crisis Text Line:

  • Text HELP to 741741 in the United States.

• Teen Line

  • Text "TEEN" to 839863

  • Between 6:00pm-9:00pm PST