“Sorry” spills from my tongue
more often than it should- 
for accidents,
for inconveniences, 
for moments that aren’t my fault. 

It slips out like silk, 
and honey,
and spring-
something easy 
and familiar.

So familiar it’s there
before I need it, 
before I call on it,
before I can think of it.

It just comes
unprompted,
unneeded,
but there. 
Always there. 

After years of shouldering blame,
of accepting punishments, 
that weren’t mine, 
“sorry” is an old friend
and  
an unequal partner. 

~Madeline x

I’m tired 
of constantly 
breaking my back
for those who will 
never
do the same for me. 

I’m tired 
of always being 
the one that is 
making 
things 
work.

And I’m slowly 
crumbling, 
just a little bit
day by day. 

I make excuses for you,
tell myself it’s just 
in my
head,
things will work out, 
take a breath. 

I lie and tell myself 
I’m not  
the only one 
trying 
and trying
to make this work. 

And I’m slowly 
crumbling 
just a little bit
day by day. 

But I’m strong,
stronger than you know,
just hold me once more,
then I can let you go, 
because it’s not just 
in my 
head 
that you just 
won’t 
try. 

Now,
I’m letting you go,
walking away, 
turning the page,
because I deserve someone 
who tries. 

    ~Madeline

​

Can someone find me,
hold me,
tell me it’s okay?
Just tell me I’ll be alright, 
tell me it’s okay to cry. 

I’ve been strong 
for so long, 
and it feels like 
I’ve cracked
shattered,
collapsed.  

Can anyone help me 
stand again?
Give me my pieces
and help me put myself 
together again?

It’ll only take 
a moment- 
a breath to 
pull me to my feet, 
a breath to 
hand me my pieces, 
a breath to 
put me together. 

Please? 

I never ask,
but I’m asking now. 
All I need is a moment,
a hand, 
a smile. 

I’ve been strong 
for so long, 
and it feels like 
I’ve cracked
shattered,
collapsed.  

A breath 
and then- 
a hand reaches down, 
a face smiles,
and I’m pulled to my feet, 
handed my pieces, 
some tape, 
and some help. 

    ~Madeline 

​

Before the debate of a physical book versus an e-book began, there was the discussion about paperbacks versus hardbacks. Were the cheaper, flimsier copies better than the rigid, bulky ones? Or was the durability and aesthetic of hardbacks worth the extra money? 

As an avid reader and a contributor to this discussion multiple times, I still do not favor one type over the other. I have been a bookworm ever since I was in third grade and honestly, eight years of reading haven’t clarified if one type is better than the other. However, there are definite advantages and disadvantages to each form that I have learned over the years. Paperbacks are usually cheaper, and much more portable. I tried to take two hardbacks with me on a trip once and it felt like I was breaking my back the entire time. On the other hand though, hardbacks are much more durable. I used to take books to my swim competitions and I was much less worried about ruining my hardbacks than my paperbacks since the covers cannot get ripped or damaged like paperbacks, and water damage typically does not affect them as much.  Over the years, I’ve managed to compile a pros and cons list for each format, despite the fact that I haven’t chosen a side. 

Paperbacks v Hardbacks
Paperbacks

Pros: 

• Paperbacks are much easier to travel with as they’re not as heavy; they usually don’t take up as much room as hardbacks, since they’re flimsier.
• Cheaper! If you’re buying books on a budget or know you probably shouldn't be buying books, paperbacks are the way to go. They’re less expensive than hardbacks and mass production copies- a new edition that is released to celebrate a book’s anniversary or the release of a movie adaptation) are even cheaper. 

Cons:

• Paperbacks collect damage much faster than hardbacks because they’re flimsier. Their spines crease, the pages can get ripped, and the covers can bend back. If you’re looking for a book you can reread over and over again without a lot of damage, paperbacks aren’t going to be the type of book for you. 
• Due to the fact that paperbacks collect more damage, they’re less aesthetically pleasing to look at. If you’re organizing your bookshelves based off of looks, a damaged paperback isn’t going to fit very well. 

Hardbacks

Pros: 

• Hardbacks are much more durable than paperbacks since they have both the book sleeve and a bound cover. They usually accumulate less damage than paperbacks, so they’re better for rereads and heavy use. 
• Hardbacks are also much more aesthetically pleasing to have on your bookshelves because they gather less damage than paperbacks. If you like your bookshelves to look nice, hardbacks are going to give you a better-looking bookcase

Cons: 

• Hardbacks are more expensive than paperbacks because they are bound. If you’re shopping on a budget, you’re not going to want to buy a hardback, and might want to opt for a cheaper paperback instead.
• Hardbacks also add a lot of weight into a bag, so they’re horrible to travel with. They usually take up more room than paperbacks (depends on the length of the book though) as well, making for both a bulkier and heavier bag that you have to travel with. 

If you need help deciding which type of book is better for you, try this short quiz!

Which Type of Book is Better for You?Do you like to travel with books?  
A - Yes! 
B - No!
Are you on a bit of a budget when it comes to shopping for books? 
A - Yes!
B - No! 
Do you organize your books in a way that’s aesthetically pleasing? 
A - Nope!
B - Yes! 
Do you like to reread books? 
A - Nope!
B - Yes! 

If you got mainly As: You’re most likely going to favor paperbacks. They’re easier to travel with and cheaper. You probably don’t care how aesthetically pleasing your bookshelves appear, so the damage that your paperbacks get won’t matter that much. 

If you got mainly Bs: You’re most likely going to favor hardbacks. You enjoy an aesthetically pleasing bookcase and the durability of books is important for your rereads. You may not prefer to travel with books, so the extra weight that hardbacks have won’t bother you. 

If you got the same number for both As & Bs: You can go either way with your preference. It may depend on the situation or even the book, so keep experimenting with both types to see which one you prefer!

Choosing if you prefer paperbacks or hardbacks is not a decision you have to make if you don't want to; I still have not chosen a side. However, knowing what type of reader you are and knowing the type of book that best suits your preferences can go a long way in clearing the confusion between which is better. The most important thing is to just keep reading, whether it be by hardback, paperback, or e-book, or audio book. You won’t really know which version you enjoy most until you experiment with all of the different types. You may think that you’re going to prefer the comfort of a physical book but then fall in love with e-books or audio books. Remember to keep an open mind about the different types and to not refuse to try a new version because you don’t think you’re going to like it as well. Books can always surprise you!

~ Madeline 

​

College applications seem to loom in front of you for your entire high school career. They’re always there, waiting to stress you out with the work and time that you have to put into them. But they’re not as scary as one might think, and all it takes to get started is that first click. If you take the applications one step at a time and give yourself enough time to complete them, the stress and anxiety that surrounds the entire process isn’t as bad as you would think. 

I’m currently a rising senior and will be graduating in the spring of 2021, so I’m in the midst of applications. However, I’ve been working towards these college applications for what seems like forever since I’ve been going on tours and worrying about my SAT score for over a year. It’s been a lot to keep track of, especially during the middle of a global pandemic, and college research and applications have taken up a lot of my summer. I’ve had a list of colleges that I was interested in for awhile now, but there’s still so much that I’ve had to do and still need to get done. I’ve also struggled with getting started on my writing because I don’t like talking about myself, so thinking about the things I’m going to share about myself in the different essays has been intimidating. I’m lucky enough though to have a great support system behind me, including my parents, my older sisters, and my college counselor. They’ve helped me to slow down and take everything one step at a time to avoid feeling overwhelmed with all of it. Now as I’m going into senior year and applications are starting to open, I feel a lot more at ease than I did at the beginning of the summer. I know what I need to get done and I know I can do it, and those are the two most important things to remember. 

Here are a few things to remember when you start the college process:

1. Start researching before you think you need to: Researching a college is about more than just its majors and what major city it’s by. It’s about the opportunities a university can offer, the surrounding areas that can enhance your college experience, and the unique community that each university possesses. I would recommend starting research during your junior year, just so that by the time your senior year starts, you know which colleges you’re interested in and why you like them. 
   
2. Consider your options with the SAT and ACT: A lot of schools are going test-optional right now due to the pandemic, but even before quarantine, it was an increasing trend. Test-optional means that a SAT or ACT score isn’t required with your application and not submitting a score won’t negatively impact your application. When you’re researching, keep in mind which schools don’t require a standardized test score. You never know – you might realize that you don’t have to submit a score to most of the schools you’re applying to. 
   
3. Take your time with the essays: Writing your personal statement and supplemental essays is more time-consuming than anything else, but you can’t expect to get them written with your first draft. Take your time figuring out what you want to express about yourself with these essays. Don’t focus on being perfect with your writing either; colleges want to see who you are within these writing responses, so don’t be afraid to be yourself in your writing. 
   
4. Don’t “overshop” your writing: While feedback is important and helpful, don’t let too many people read and edit your writing. Everyone is going to have a different opinion about your writing, so be selective with who you allow to edit it. This essay is yours, so also make sure that the edits you make still allow the essay to reflect you, not your editors. 
   

The college process can seem overwhelming, but if you take it one step at a time, it doesn’t have to be as stressful. Give yourself time to work through each part of your application, including research, and remind yourself that you can and will get through it. The future may seem scary but remember that you can do anything you set your mind to- including a few pesky college applications! 

~Madeline

​