The Same Mistake

Never expected myself to be standing here in the shoes my mother wore when I was a child,
Tried to tell myself “He’s a good guy, this is just mild.”
With every punch, kick and strangle,
Even when you’d get me to the point where I’d dangle,
I always made sure others saw you from a different angle,
Because this wasn’t you.
I wouldn’t fall in love with a guy who hits a girl,
It’s the type of stuff I grew up with, and made my stomach whirl.
The reality was, I was in love with an abuser,
An accuser. A boy who hurt me,
And when I fought him back, burnt me.
I was only 14, but already I was attracted to what all I knew.
Leaving you was long overdue,
But how?
Any time I tried to escape your hold, you made me vow
To never try again.
You stripped me of 365 days
Sent them to ablaze.
I would do anything just to get them back
And to rid myself of the flashbacks.
Now I find myself in therapy,
Trying to mend what you did to me.
You’ll never be forgotten,
And I’ll never be forgiven.
Because the most self-destructive thing I ever did
Was stay with you, even when you were worth the rid.

​- Ali