Dealing with a Breakup

Wow. The one thing we didn’t think would happen has happened. What now? 

Well, that’s what I'm here to help you realise. 

I broke up with my boyfriend of one and a half years two days ago. Yep, two days. I’m a bit dubious about the emotions this article will bring out of me but, I want to write this to help others going through a similar situation.

Alright, I broke up with him, but I think one of the most important things to realise is that you’re still allowed to be sad (or any other emotion), even if you weren’t the one who got ‘dumped’. It hurts. It really does. You had done everything in your power to make the relationship work but then, suddenly, without truly noticing until it was staring you straight in the face, you realise what you’ve partially known the entire time: it’s never going to work. Maybe you’re too different, different interests, hobbies, personalities; maybe you didn’t have the time, the time to talk, to meet, to grow and strengthen and maintain that bond. 

But there was a bond. Obviously there was a bond and now that it’s broken, it’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel any and every emotion possible. 

I know I have.

Over the past two days I’ve felt relief, sadness, joy, happiness, fear, regret, guilt… I think you know where I’m going with this. My highs have been super high and my lows really, really low, but that’s okay. It’s natural.

It’s natural to find it difficult to distract yourself, because it’s most likely that any activity you do will remind you of them. At first, I tried to listen to music, but when every song was about love or relationships or made me think of a time with him, I stopped. 

One thing that is incredibly important is to distance yourself from your ex, yes, they’re your ex now, it’s okay to be sad but that’s the truth. Yes, change your profile picture and put away the gifts they gave you. However, if you ended the relationship simply because that connection just wasn't there anymore, I don’t think you have to remove them from your life entirely.

They were a big part of your life and ignoring that may mean ignoring the times when you were happiest. Instead, I try to remember and appreciate them and then move on and remind myself ‘that chapter of my life is over now’.

I still have some pictures of us kayaking on my Instagram, I still message him occasionally, I still keep the gifts, just not in plain sight. I still care about him, and just because we didn’t work out, I’m not going to forget the good times we had together.

Right, at this point it’s very easy to go into a state of regret and guilt. You need to find a balance between appreciating your past, but also appreciating why it had to end. Remind yourself why it didn’t work, think about how much sadder you would be if you were still together, and show yourself that you will be happier without them.

Do things you love, but try not to force yourself to be happy because that won’t work. No, do them because you know that they will eventually bring you joy again. I’ve started reading the books I loved when I was in the younger years of school. The writing is basic but it’s an easy read and it makes me happy. I also Facetime my friends (one in particular, he’s a good laugh) as much as possible, it’s a nice distraction and it’s blatant proof that, although you may not believe it, people do still care for you and love you. Talking to your family, as gross as this sounds, is so helpful. You can laugh and cry and be mad and happy and they will be right there with you. They love you and they want you to be happy. Remember that. 

Just because you are experiencing a lot of emotions in a very short amount of time does not make each and every one less valid. Appreciate and learn to understand and love them all because, in doing this, you will also learn to love yourself. Your happiness does not rely on that one person.

It never did.
- Chloë

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