Being the Left-Out Friend

Everyone has a desire to fit in, to click, to belong. Whether it's with your family, your co-workers, or your close friends. The desire to be validated in a positive light is a natural feeling that anyone would crave. However, when you don’t receive that validation and are not included, you are left out. Being left out can include not being invited anywhere (parties, hangouts, etc.), not being included in conversations, having your voice ignored, even a small gut feeling in your stomach can indicate that you’re unwanted despite what is said. The struggles of being left out isn’t limited to spark damage to the relationship between you and your friends, but can go as far to destroy your mental health, the perception of yourself, lower your confidence, and naturally your self esteem. 

My experience with being the left out friend dates back to my middle school years. I had two friends that were two peas in a pod. To any outsider it would feel that I was put in their group by accident, but to me, it felt I was with them for pity’s sake. They felt bad, but not enough to understand the ordeal I went through trying to fit in. I tried to join in their conversations, only to have my voice ignored. I switched my opinions so it could correlate with theirs, only to fail at keeping the conversation going. The grass became my best friend walking home, and I knew my place. Over time, this took a toll on my mental health and my opinions about myself degraded bit by bit. 

In the midst of this hard time, I kept quiet. However I knew, and they knew too, that their actions would be louder than my words spoken. Regardless, you shouldn’t keep quiet, here are some strategies to help you deal with this issue: 

● Communicate: let them know, tell them how you feel, try to talk it out.
​● Shift your mindset -challenge the degrading thoughts fed into your head. Recite positive and self-encouraging sayings. I am worthy! I am loved! I love who I am! I will get through this, and trust me, you will. 
● Get new friends! Find the people you can truly connect with, feel comfortable, and feel like you actually belong. 

It may be hard, but life isn’t supposed to be easy. That’s what I did. I got new friends, and I’m glad I did! I feel heard, comfortable, and I can be myself while loving it! 

Being left out - everyone experiences it at least once in their life. Not getting included, your voice unheard, and being discreetly ignored is a struggle. It does not only strain the relationship with your friends, but can threaten one's mental health as well. This is why it is important to apply some mechanisms to solve this problem. Communication is key - telling them what exactly is on your mind and making them aware of your true feelings. Boost your confidence with motivational sayings. Distance yourself from them and make new friends. Associate yourself with a group of people you can trust, are confident, and most importantly, happy!

​- Gauri