I’ve had the fair share of arguments in my lifetime. Some were seemingly pathetic and mediocre ones in primary school, leading up to much bigger and more serious ones in senior school. Half the friends I had in year seven I don’t even speak to anymore.
And I’ve learnt that falling out with people is one of the hardest things you’ll deal with in senior school. It can be over anything from relationships to crushes to spreading rumours – It’s all stressful and not a great experience, but it can be sorted.
The first thing you need to remember is that you shouldn’t make the argument or the fall out the focus of everything – I let it overtake my life on one occasion and I forgot about my true friends and my schoolwork. In fact, when you focus more on other things, you won’t spend as much time overthinking the issue.
Another thing to remember is that it doesn’t mean your friendship is over. Arguments will happen all the time in life, whether it be with friends or family or a partner. It does happen and it does suck, but it’s natural. Don’t assume you’ll never be friends again – Take some time and cool off, think about it and chances are, you might begin to miss each other and start over.
But if it’s a case where they’ve mistreated you or hurt you and you have no intention of reinitiating your friendship, I learnt the best way is to just do it. It’s like ripping off a band aid – It’ll hurt, but at the end of the day, it might be worth it. If the person has truly hurt you, moving on is the best way forward. Don’t make a big thing of it, because it doesn’t have to be. Someone who I thought was my best friend began bullying me, but they disguised it behind friendship. We eventually fell out and rather than trying to make things up with them, I just left it. It hurt for a while, but the pain of moving on is much less than the pain of staying with a friend who mistreats you.
I also found that it’s best not to get any other people involved. This can blow things out of proportion and get more people involved and start more arguments than necessary. If it’s between you and one other, try to keep it that way. This means less people get angry and it will be dealt with sooner rather than later.
You must also try and see from their point of view – They might have a reason for arguing with you, and sometimes you need to stop for a second and think about why they’ve acted the way they have. It’s in human nature to defend yourself, whether your point is valid or not. So, before you get angry or begin to get upset, remember that they’re human and probably feel the same way that you do. Stay calm and rational and see it from both sides.
Also, try and carry on as normal. If they’re in your classes or the same group as you at school, don’t make it obvious that you’ve fallen out. If you need to talk to them because of a lesson, do so in a polite way and treat them as an acquaintance or a stranger rather than someone you’re feeling negatively about. This way, you can avoid starting any further conflict.
Lastly – give it time and agree to disagree. It might be that week’s pass and you forget why you’re mad, or the thing you fell out over may begin to seem stupid as you miss them. Sometimes the best thing to do is to forgive and forget, because you can’t always come to an agreement on everything. The thing you’re arguing about isn’t always worth as much as your friendship.
Teenagers With Experience is an online platform ran by teenagers for teenagers. We provide support through sharing our own experiences and providing advice based from this. If you need support, feel free to reach out to us on one of our social media platforms. We will do our best to support you and if we feel we cannot we will direct you to more suited, professional support.