saving the day

A wicked feeling born within that clings onto your shoulder can always be defeated and saved. When coming close to cornering your sexuality and finally embracing it, internalized homophobia might attack you by surprise. Still, with the right amount of stamina and faith in yourself, you can defeat it like any other superhero. 
  
 The ideology of internalized homophobia defines itself as the negative self-reflection one's self has about their sexuality, possibly influencing their future relationships with potential partners and themselves. One cannot express self-love if something is within them, causing destruction, resulting in that individual unable to love anyone else. The phrase "you can't love anyone else until you love yourself" is a prime message here because it is true. Can a flower flourish with no tender or care? Will it grow into a beautiful sunflower with no assistance at all and live an ordinary life without deteriorating? Most likely not, which showcases the same type of message when it relates to self-love and acceptance. Your heart is its own seed that blooms under extraordinary love and care, developing into a magnificent flower, signifying your happiest state of mind. 
    
However, internalization is normal and happens to almost everyone who is questioning or even entirely out. Never imagine yourself being at fault here, because with the process and social construction of our society, we are meant to be out of place, but it is our job to normalize these differences within ourselves and others, creating a new normal. No matter who someone loves or who they are, we must find ways to normalize their experiences and give them comfort, showcasing nothing changes about how we view them. We as superheroes aspire to save everyone, including our own villains because each villain holds some form of positivity and worth within them. With the constant repetition of heterosexual and cisgender representation within almost everything we see, it is harder to believe that others are just like you outside of this reality, no matter where you live. But, there are. There are communities, millions of people, so you are not an outsider, but you are a fighter. Absorb the negative energy and release as much positivity and love as you can, just like a plant, eventually changing your mentality and perspective on yourself and your life. 
  
 My extreme battle between internalized homophobia ended some time ago but still has its aftermath and lives on with me. Some days are better than others because, with my mentality, I realize that I cannot change who I love, but accept it. With my struggles of growing up seeing no normalization of gay people, I couldn't realize that I was gay myself for a long time. I felt like a fish surrounded by a circle of sharks with no way out. I hated this part of me that made me feel so out of place with everyone. Still, I matured, and with time, I gained valuable knowledge and exposed myself to normalization that helped me fight my supervillains, save that humanity left in myself, and turn that internalized feeling into something positive. I took chances that sometimes backfired with my parents but made me more comfortable around my friends. I am not saying this fight will be easy, but with time, maturity, risks, and self-love, you will see a big difference now and who you were before. 
                    
​  Book of Advice

1. Expose yourself to more normalization, watch more LGBTQ+ inclusive television shows or movies, read more LGBTQ+ novels, and talk with individuals who are part of the LGBTQ+ community. 
2. Give yourself some time. Learning to love yourself and every part of yourself takes countless amounts of time, but it is possible with the right amount of patience. 
3. Stop the negativity from reaching the bank in your heart, and protect it with all the strength you have because, with the positivity still intact, you give yourself more opportunity to develop an emphatic mindset.
4. The best we can do with this feeling of internalization is moving forward from it. You cannot get rid of any struggles with self-image but grow and learn, as it will always stick with you. 
5. Remember that your experiences are ordinary. Many other LGBTQ+ individuals go through internalized homophobia that provides them struggles in life, but many end up defeating it and growing.
6. Do not bottle up your emotions and keep them hidden inside you. It heightens the chance of breaking mentally and exposing your identity, leaving you utterly vulnerable to negativity. Express your feelings to trusted friends or adults, and if you are not comfortable, process your thoughts down into a journal or paper to at least let them out.
7. Most importantly, have fun with your discovery of sexuality or gender, use it to your advantage when you can because you are extraordinary and hold a superpower only you can utilize. 

Ultimately, superheroes, you write your destiny, and holding this title comes with many difficulties that allow you to grow in strength and raw emotion. When internalized homophobia comes and strikes, utilize the right amount of power and positivity to defeat it, one day changing you and others around you forever in a beautiful way. 

• Sincerely Julius