it's time to bloom

Why should others believe in you? 

This is a question you need to ask yourself at the beginning every single day - and come back to with an answer. Most people take it for granted that their harshest critic is themselves but this is often an excuse - a veil - to hide low self-esteem and self-confidence. It is important to realise your own value and, often, the best way to start is by analysing why the people who support you believe you have the potential to achieve your dreams.

It’s better to convince yourself of your strengths than to convince others. Now, I know this is hard to understand but bear with me. The world is built on a meritocratic system, constantly evaluating and assigning values to every action, thought, and feeling, and it’s easy to fall prey to the need for constant validation. What people fail to realise, however, is that only you know how much of your effort you are putting into a task - be it in terms of time, spirit, or research. Most assume that you are working at full capacity. They feel they are inclined to judge your potential based on this but, we all know that that’s never quite true. What other people deem to be within our grasp is but a conservative option but we find it is easy to downgrade our dreams, especially when we talk about it as an impossible reach.

I’m in 11th grade now and at that crucial juncture in life where everyone seems to be asking the ‘important’ questions and offering unsolicited advice. Now, more than ever, I have had to rely on myself to push past the external limitations that school and relatives constantly try to impose upon me. If you are having to deal with similar issues, don’t worry, I’ll try my best to guide you through it.

1. Analyse your strongest supporters and have an honest conversation with them. (Don’t feel guilty if it’s not your best friend or your closest family members - you can have strong, close relationships with people who have differing views and aspirations who may not always understand the decision you are about to make.) Explain your situation and ask them what qualities of yours makes them trust in your aspirations and explicitly ask for examples of occurrences which have demonstrated that to them. Also, ask what they think your weaknesses are and why.

 

1. Compile all the answers in a table and write down one or two big tasks for each quality/weakness duo to capitalise on the beneficial aspects of yourself and to develop your weaknesses so that you are able to expand your horizons.

 

1. At the end of each day, jot down a list of the things you have done - even little things like helping to set up the table - and analyse how you could improvise each task to incorporate a certain skill. This is especially useful for daily tasks as it helps to build a sustainable habit with little resistance and a continuous stream of practice. For example, set an alarm ten minutes before dinner and then set yourself a personal challenge: time how long it takes you to set up and see if you can do the same task in a more efficient manner; pluck/make a few paper flowers (they only take a minute) and add them to the place settings; write little notes for each person and place it as a mini-placard; the opportunities are endless.

 

1. Try to actively identify your natural inclinations to tasks and your attitudes towards them. There will always be some things you more readily work on and practice and it’s unfair to expect the level to remain constant for every task or skill. Recognising your internal wiring is key to understanding your compatibility with certain routes. 

This is most useful when you simultaneously break down the decisions you are struggling with. For example, if you are choosing between majors, look at the careers they lead to and break them out into the tasks they comprise of, the qualities required, and the importance placed on certain skills, and compare them with your own list. Nothing will be 100% compatible and you can always develop your skills but it is a good guideline to follow.

1. Make note of your progress and make it a point to draw attention to your improvements. By valuing promises you make to yourself, you place yourself in a position of importance and it helps you prioritise your aspirations with a distinct sense of self. Pay attention to the day you no longer have to set a timer to get yourself motivated to start your homework; when you don’t have a squeamish feeling when giving/receiving compliments; when you no longer have to constantly remind yourself of time-limits and acknowledge and celebrate your progress.

 

1. Consciously use positive language to define your goals. They are not too far-fetched, too crazy, too impractical. Your language is what makes them seem so unattainable. Talk about your aspirations in a practical, achievable, quantifiable manner, and watch your self-confidence reflect your thoughts.

It seems like a daunting task at first but you will get there. Sometimes the world is against you; sometimes it’s you, but out of the two it’s always better to be on your own side even if no one else seems to be. A little bit of self-belief goes a long way. I hope this helps you in taking your first steps towards self-growth!

• Keerthi