A Weight on My Mind

Weight is a sensitive subject. People always have something to say about your appearance, no matter your size.
'You could do with losing a few pounds.'
'You're too thin, eat a burger.'
'You're so fat, look at that muffin top.'
'You're too tall to be that skinny, you look ill.'
I've had my fair share of issues with my weight and how I feel about my size.

As a teenager, I didn't worry about what I ate. I ate relatively healthy but was happy to eat crisps, sweets, chocolate and takeaways whenever I fancied it. My weight wasn't a problem, I was a healthy weight and I was happy. That changed once I turned 18. I started to put weight on, particularly in my stomach and thighs, as is genetic for my family. It became a weight on my mind, so to speak - pun intended. The older I got, the more weight I put on and the more unhappy I became. As of right now, I am 21 years old, I am 5ft 2in and I weigh 10st 9.5lbs (or 69.8kg/149.5lbs.) Now that may not sound like a lot but for my height and age, that is classed as overweight. I hardly fit into my size 12 jeans anymore and I have horrible jagged purple stretch marks on the inside of both of my thighs. I feel disgusting and fat and I truly hate my body. I try to lose weight by exercising whenever I can and eating fruit and vegetables and trying to cut back on the chocolate and the sweets, but nothing seems to stick. I lose a few pounds, I feel great, and then a week later, those pounds are back on and I feel worse than ever. 

I know that this whole article is going to seem very hypocritical. Who am I to talk about losing weight and feeling body positive when I’ve just spent a paragraph talking about how I struggle to lose weight and hate my body? I get it. However, these are some things that I tell myself when I’m down about not losing weight and when I’m at my lowest with my body confidence. These things are important things to remember when you’re losing weight, and they’re designed to give you a little boost of confidence when you’re feeling like all hope is lost. If they work for me, they might also work for someone else.

1. Muscle weighs more than fat
   

One thing that I found difficult when I first started exercising to try and lose weight was I’d be doing squats and crunches and all these other muscle-building activities, and I’d just keep putting on weight. It didn’t make any sense to me at the time, but the truth is that now it makes perfect sense. Muscle weighs more than fat. If you are building muscle, then you are going to put on weight, but that weight is not fat - it is muscle. Look at rugby players; they can weigh anything from 16st-20st, even more sometimes. But the majority of that weight is pure muscle. So if you do start to see those numbers rising on the scales, remember that it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. 

1. Everybody’s body is different
   

One of the most important things to remember when trying to lose weight is not to compare yourself to other people. Everybody’s body is different and so different people will have different needs and will react differently to different things. What works for one person might not work for you and that’s because you are different. You need to figure out what works for you rather than trying to keep up with the Jones’ down the road. Mrs. Jones might be doing the Atkins diet but just because it is working for her does not mean that you will have the same results and that it will work for you too. Try different options and find the one that suits you, your lifestyle and your body.

1. Happy and healthy
   

I remember watching a video from Carrie Hope Fletcher a few years ago. That video was called ‘Happy and Healthy.’ In that video, Carrie goes through all her measurements and shares them with the viewers. Why do you ask? Well, she goes on to say that if you are happy and healthy then that is all that truly matters. If you are happy with your body and you are not endangering your health in any way, then that is the important thing. If you are 13st and happy, that’s great. If you are 8st and still healthy, that’s wonderful. Whenever I’m feeling super low, I remember this video. It is now unlisted and so you, unfortunately, can’t find it online, but the implication and the message remains. I am healthy but I’m not happy, and that’s why I’m trying to lose weight. Happiness is subjective. You do you and do what you need to do to be happy and healthy.  Carrie has done a lot of videos about weight and I will link them all down below because they are truly worth a watch.

1. Exercise and diet are a pair
   

Why you're putting on weight may feel like a mystery to you. You're eating your fruit and vegetables and you're making sure to keep fit and exercise regularly. That's great, but are you doing them at a reasonable ratio and making sure they even each other out. If you're doing five minutes of exercise but eating lots of food, even if that food is healthy, then that's not going to work. The same goes for if you're not eating enough but doing hours and hours of exercise. Your body will go into starvation mode and that will cause you to put on some weight. In order for losing weight to work, exercise and diets need to work together to give you enough energy to exercise and shed some pounds.

1. It is not the be-all and end-all
   

Being a little heavier than you’d like is not the end of the world. Your weight does not equate to your worth. There are so many things that are more important than your weight and there are so many more things that can make you happy than your weight. So please don't give your weight that much worth and that much… weight, I suppose. I know that's easier said than done but just because you're carrying a bit of fat does not mean you can't be an amazing person who does amazing things and achieves all their life's dreams. You can and you will.

The main thing that I want you to take from this article is that losing weight can be difficult and it can be stressful. I completely understand that. But if you really want to lose weight, then you can do it if you put your mind to it. Work hard and stay positive. However, if you are happy with your body and your size, then don't change for anyone. What other people say does not matter if you are happy. Your opinion is the only one that truly matters.

As promised, below are links to five of Carrie’s amazing body positivity videos. Some of the things she raises in them are super important and so I highly recommend you give a few minutes to each of them because I think that you will genuinely feel better for it:

• Body Shaming - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlkeKtkdYzY (2015)
  
• Punish Yourself Buff - Three Cheers for New Years #17 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soYZ2yzxEjM (2018)
  
• When I’m Thinner… Three Cheers for New Years #22 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_COBSCXrvCY (2018)
  
• Weight - May, Myself and I #6 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQ7mvgpB-Z4 (2019)
  
• Bodies - May, Myself and I #10 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkVt1VqFlMw (2019)
  

~ Kenzie

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