dealing with death

Death is a very difficult thing to deal with. It's  a known fact that everyone dies at some point. Around 500,000 people die in England every year and so it's common knowledge but that doesn't make it any easier to cope with when it happens. Especially when it's happening to you or someone you're close to.

I haven't had the easiest time with death to be frank about it. Since the age of 3, death has unfortunately been a massive part of my life by taking some of the most important people in my life away from me.
I lost my grandad at 3 from an aneurysm and I didn't really understand death or what an aneurysm was then - I was a little kid, I didn't really know what that meant. I still don't really understand aneurysms now. All I know is I hate it for taking my grandad away before I can even properly make memories with him.

Then at 5, I lost my uncle to dilated cardiomyopathy. The silent killer, they called it. I still didn't really understand but this time I attended his memorial. I was too young to attend his funeral.
When I was 11, I went to my first funeral - the funeral of my dearest grandma. I fully understood death by this point and it was one of the hardest to deal with. It was such a shock - a heart attack - and it was the pain of knowing that, by admittance of the paramedics, she could never have been saved.

Again at age 14. This time it was my grandpa, husband of my grandma. We'd slowly been losing him ever since she passed away but it was cancer that took him.

The final and most recent death of someone who was close to me was my nan. She was in a care home and it was the most peaceful death of them all, if that’s a thing. I sat with her after she passed away, holding her hand and stroking her hair. It was the only person I got to really say goodbye to, properly.

It never gets easier. The pain never goes away. You just learn to live with it. However, here are some tips to help you cope when the pain and grief is most raw.

• Surround yourself with friends: you need people around you to support you and let you know that things will be okay. Friends are the best people to have around when you are grieving.
  
• Let yourself cry: it's not healthy to feel like you need to be strong and never cry. You're hurting and it's okay to cry. Bottling it up will make it worse when it eventually comes out, because it will come out. Tears always do.
  
• Talk about the person you've lost: this might seem like the last thing you want to do but it does help. Talk about all your memories and the best times you had with them. Remember them as they were. That way, their memory lives on in you.
  
• Write a letter to the person you've lost: this may seem like a stupid idea because they'll never read this letter but it really helped when I lost my nan. I kept kicking myself because I'd never told her I was bisexual and she'd never said she was proud of me or accepted me and I regretted it hugely. So, I wrote a letter to my nan saying everything I'd ever wanted to say to her and put it in her casket with her. It helped the regret I felt which, in turn, helped my grief because I was rid of my guilt.
  
• Know that it won't feel like this forever: as I said earlier, the pain you're feeling now never goes away. Whoever said that the pain gets easier was a liar. It always hurts just as much as it does right now. However, while it hurts just the same, you learn to live with it. You won't feel this way forever. You won't feel defeated or like your life is over. It will get better.
  

If you need any more advice or tips on dealing with grief and death or need to talk to someone, there are places you can go. Our website is always available and we have some brilliant helpful articles to do with grief and death.
www.teenagerswithexperience.weebly.com
Our asks are always open as is our team  social media and our personal profiles. Don't be afraid to use them.

Other websites include:
www.childline.org.uk
www.hopeagain.org.uk
www.bereavement-trust.org.uk
www.griefencounter.org.uk
www.muchlove.com

Stay strong, my loves.

Kenzie