Questioning your sexuality

Being a teenager is a confusing time for anyone. You're growing hair in weird places, your body is changing and you generally don't really know what's happening. So, imagine how confusing it must be when you start getting feelings for people. But not just feelings for any people. Feelings for people who are the same gender as you.

Bisexuality is something which has become much more widely recognised over recent years. There is no longer just gay and straight but there is everything else in between. But does having feelings for another girl or another boy mean you are bisexual?

I first had feelings for a girl when I was 13. I was quite young and although I wasn't from a homophobic family, despite my nan's insensitive comments and increasing disgust at gay men, it really freaked me out. I went into meltdown mode and decided that the best way to deal with these feelings was to ignore them and combat them by asking out every boy who I even found remotely attractive. I somehow thought that everyone could see the feelings I was having for girls and that asking loads of boys out would convince them I was straight. Of course that wasn't true. No-one could tell I was crushing on a girl and, to be honest, me asking out loads of boys just made it more obvious that I was overcompensating for something.

The first thing to address is that having a crush on someone of the same gender does not necessarily mean you're bisexual. You're young and now is the time to experiment with who you are and who you want to be with. You can be with a guy or a girl or whoever you want to be with. You may realise that you don't like dating a girl or you don't like dating a boy or you may realise you only like dating one of them or you may decide that you like both. Whatever you decide, that's okay. You've got time to figure it out.

Number two, don't feel like you have to label yourself. You are free to date whoever you want to date. There aren't any rules. You don't have to say that you're one thing or the other, not now - not ever, if you don't want to. Love is love, regardless of gender.

And finally, remember to be proud. You don't have to be ashamed. There's nothing wrong with you and you aren't doing anything bad or naughty. What you're feeling is perfectly normal and you shouldn't be made to feel like it isn't. Own who you are like the boss you are and if anyone dares to put you down because they aren't doing what you're doing, just know in your heart that you are awesome, that you are beautiful and that you are normal.

If you're still struggling, there are some more amazing articles right here on the site as well as these websites which could help you out.

www.stonewall.org.uk
www.biresource.org
www.bisexualindex.org.uk
www.pride.com
www.theproudtrust.org

However you're feeling, just hang in there.
You'll be okay.

​Kenzie