Confidence Building

I’ve been filming for Youtube for over 7 years and I first started out video editing -basically putting mini clips together and then adding my own creative touch to it. I then moved onto filming my adventures I started to experience with the twins known as John and Edward.
  That’s when I really got into Youtube as I started to watch other Youtubers like Joe Sugg, Shane Dawson and my favourite one, Pewdiepie. 
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Pewdiepie was such an inspiration to me as he was the actual first Youtuber/gamer I started to watch. When I got home from school I would straight away check if he had uploaded new content!
  When my teenage years came along I would start to hide away a lot & keep to myself. I would go straight to my room when I got back from high school. I made my room very dark with blackout curtains & that’s when my mental health would start.
I was bullied in school so watching Pewdiepie was a getaway from reality for me and also my safe place to be away from all the negative people who were horrible to me. 

So, from watching Pewdiepie for many years, I wanted to start making videos that actually involved me talking to the camera and making interesting content like Felix ( Pewdiepie ) himself.
  My first actual video of just myself was about spreading awareness for eating disorders. By then I was diagnosed with an eating disorder so I shared my experience with mental health and how I dealt with situations. 

Several years down the line, I still film videos as a passion and hobby of mine. I love to video edit as it’s like a coping mechanism for when I get anxious or depressed.
  But several weeks ago I received a negative comment. Yes. I have received many negative comments in the past but that was online not face to face like this one was. The young man who I was talking to asked for my Youtube link so I sent it to him and then when he was watching we were facetiming at the same time. All of a sudden he just said to me, “You can’t speak properly you have such a bad lisp”. That’s when he would make fun of me by doing stupid noises.
I didn’t realise how much this negative comment would affect me and my confidence. 

After that incident, I thought it was best for me to take a small break from filming. During those few weeks I turned to TWE and changed my ideas for Youtube into articles. It was a huge help for me to start rebuilding my confidence again. 
   I also started to write in my journals again about my daily thoughts and how I dealt with situations etc. Most of my journal ideas come from Pinterest so I would check that website out if you’re into your journaling like I am! 

Link; https://www.pinterest.co.uk/search/pins/?rs=ac&len=2&q=journal%20ideas&eq=journal&etslf=6760&term_meta[]=journal%7Cautocomplete%7C0&term_meta[]=ideas%7Cautocomplete%7C0

Yesterday I finally decided I was ready to film again & I never felt better after recording! I really feel just trying to change your routine in your job, hobby or education can help you go further in life! A small negative comment can make your mind think, ‘ Is this really worth living for’ or ‘Should I just give up right now?’ Let me tell you no it’s not! Fight it, show them what you are made of and above all else, surprise yourself!

Some tips that helped me get my confidence back up was watching more Youtubers who had been through the same kind of situation as me when losing the confidence to sit in front of a camera and talk about your life etc. 
I wanted to see what they had to say about it and how they dealt with it. But that really helped me feel more  confidence as I wasn’t the only one who felt like that.

As what helped me was talking that break from making videos, making time for myself to focus on my own health and life. Getting back to going out with family and not isolating myself in my room. It was well needed so I could also plan out more videos for the future!


-Mel

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